


Supernatural Season 12 meta

by karoffelbrei89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Meta, Meta Essay, Nonfiction, Supernatural meta, cross-posted from tumblr, spn meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 12:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 55,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17022516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karoffelbrei89/pseuds/karoffelbrei89
Summary: Collection of my metas I wrote for season 12 of Supernatural. I wrote those at the time the season aired, so some speculations might be completely wrong. Posting here as an archive because tumblr is no longer safe.





	1. Thoughts about Supernatural 12x01

**Thoughts about Supernatural 12x01**

 

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Trigger warning for briefly discussion about suicide

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Finally watched the episode. This evening was full of unplaned events, and even though they were fun, I was glad when I was finally home and could watch the new season opener. And it was worth the wait. For a season opener there wasn’t an awful lot of plot, but I think that’s okay. Instead the episode focused more on its characters, especially of course Mary Winchester. So, as always, let’ start at the beginning.

**Mary/Dean/Cas**

I don’t remember a single episode which first two minutes broke my heart that many times. I also think we learned more about Mary in this short scene than we did in the eleven seasons before. What is interesting is that Dean claims he knew all about those things about Mary because his father told him. And when we look at the actual canon of the show it had always seemed to me like Mary wasn’t something the brothers talked about with their dad. At least not when they were kids. Maybe John told Dean when he was older. Or (more likely) when he was drunk. Either way I think this one episode gave us a better idea of who Mary actually was/is than all the others before. 

The hug between Dean and Mary was one of the most beautiful/saddest things I ever saw. Did I spot a single man tear? And just, Dean is so overly protective of his mother, which of course makes sense. But I think this will be one of the conflicts we will see this season: Dean (and maybe Sam as well) will try to protect their mother, whereas Mary will try to prove them tat she doesn’t need someone to save her/can kick ass. Of course we already witnessed it right in this episode, with Mary killing the MoL torturer lady. And I think this is kind of the breaking point for her: not coming back from the dead, or learning about her husband’s death or how her sons were raised to be hunters, but getting right back into the hunter life herself and actully killing someone. And I think that is the moment she remembered that being a hunter always means being a killer, that that was the reason she wanted to escape this life, and that her sons became exactly that. 

Dean for the most part tries to hold everything together. He tries to make things as easy as possible for Mary, while also being completely honest with her (no sugarcoating). He tries to controll Cas in his rage. He tries to find Sam. It’s a bit much. He at least deserves some pie.

Cas on the other hand makes it his very priority to find Sam, making himself responsibly for his kidnapping. I Think he still blames himself for everything that happened with Lucifer, and is therefore even more determinated to make things right again. The hug between Dean and Cas was both awkward and sweet. Dean was a bit surprised, but I loved his little smile. Don’t deny that you like it when Cas gets all affectionate. Mary’s look was one of wonder, because I don’t think she is used to see two men openly showing how much they care about each other. 

I hope Cas and Mary will become bff. Cas little “I don’t trust computers” sounds like a good start.

Best scene of course: Dean realising why exactly his mother has such fond memories of this car. [@elizabethrobertajones](https://tmblr.co/mgG_5cqPDBqPGN1DslU_e6Q) I called it!

**Sam/MoL**

My poor Sam. I almost thought he would imagine Mary to rescue him while he was  tortured so when she eventually will do so, he thinks it is still a hallucination (though something like this could still happen in 12x02). Of course Sam didn’t break under torture, I think Lady Toni should check her murder board again, if she thinks she really knows Sam that well. Sam’s vision don’t reveal something new about him: he blames himself for everyone who died around him/that he cared about, thinking he is a freak, and the one who deserved to die. It’s nothing new, but still sad to see that deep down Sam thinks about himself like that. There is a brief moment when it seems like Sam had hurt himself/tried to kill himself. Even though I suspected it was only a trick to get Toni down, the frightening thing is that fpr a moment I believed it as well. There has been some discussion about Sam’s final scene in 11x23, about his “I don’t think you are going to shoot me”-talk, that was practically an inventation for Toni to do exactly that. It makes sense that Sam at the moment would be at his lowest point. He thinks Dean is dead, and doesn’t know what happened to Cas. He withstands the torture because deep down he doesn’t care if he is going to survive it; after all he doesn’t have a lot to live for anymore. 

I liked Lady Toni. I hope she and Sam will end the season with angry sex. Anyway, I think it was interesting the episode reminded us that she is a mother as well. I think this will play an important role in the future episodes. Either because someone threats her son or because the love for her son makes her vulnerable/will help change her mind about the Winchesters.

Another intersting aspect: two women did the dirty job of torturing/interrogating. I don’t think the MoL are bad per se. Toni’s plan for America did sound good (even though she has to change the slogan). Preventing monster related deaths before they happen. Of course we saw many times on Spn that it isn’t always that easy. We met enough monsters who weren’t actually evil (Kate, Benny, Garth etc). And with the MoL torturing Sam and almost killing Dean we have humans acting very monstereous. I hope the MoL’s plan to recrute American hunters means we get to see more hunters, learn more about their culture etc. Also lady torturer knucks were super cool, and I think the symbols on them were they reason Cas seemed so weak (or let’s say human) during the fight. With actual MoL instead of just books there is a great oppurtinity to explore the lore we already new with brand new eyes.

**Crowley/Lucifer**

They were there. Things happened. Still not looking forward to this storyline.

So overall I really liked this episode. I liked it’s slow pace, the direction this season will hopefully get to, the character moments, and the focus on emotion. More of this hopefully next week!


	2. Thoughts about Supernatural 12x02

**Thoughts about Supernatural 12x02**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

This season is trying to kill me. With feels!

[Originally posted by sevendeanlysins](https://tmblr.co/Z0Ts5o1F9XWpv)

As always whenever a new Buck-Lemming-episode airs I was a bit worried. Last season their episodes were among the weakest and what annoyed me the most was their lack for pacing and that their episodes always seemed overfilled with plot. The thing is that they did better though in the past, for example 10x16. Which is one of the few motw-episodes they have written instead of their usual mytharc-episodes. Anyway, I think that in general this was a solid episode. The pacing was ok, and even though the whole Crowley/Lucifer-storyline got more screentime, the plot didn’t seem to be rushed. There were just two things that bugged me: 

1) What ever happened to Cas? Did he simply vanished after they rescued Sam? Where is he? What is he doing? And if not showing us would it have been to much to simply mention it?

2) The opening scene/that whole Sam-Toni-sex-hallucination. I mean sure, after 12x01 I lowkey shipped them, but it seemed kinda out of place. I mean what kind of hallucination was that even? Did it fulfill some secret fantasy? Because I see no reason why Sam should be attracted to Toni, at least not now. It seems like part of the hallucination was that he forgot about her torture, so maybe she was just an attractive woman to him, asking too much questions? Either way, it seemed really odd, and in a wider sense like sexual abuse to me. It could of course be used as some sort of foreshadowing, implying that eventually Sam and Toni will become a thing. Who knows. But speaking of Toni…

**MoL**

The biggest surprise was probably finding out Toni acted against orders. Her mission was to infiltrate the American hunters, no to torture them. Also her opinion about the Winchesters seems to be an individual one and her murder board was her own private little hobby. I’m curious why she brought up Ruby and Benny (seriously the look on Sam’s face was “gurl, that is so season 4″). Sure they were both supernatural beings who worked together with the Winchesters, but that’s it. Ruby was evil and used Sam to kickstart the apocalypse. But Benny? He is the exact kind of monster the British MoL would kill even though he tried to hurt no one. It is the kind of moral grey area the Winchesters learned by the hard way existed, that the British MoL ignore. 

Toni mentioned that they believe some of the American hunters are compromised. I think with the intervention of the British MoL we will see more of the Hunter community, and of course Mr. Ketch. There is of course a real threat here, as the British MoL consider eliminating hunters, probably if they can’t find an agreement. And even though Sam doesn’t trust them, I think he is open to the idea to become a more effective hunter. 

Also Toni has mad skills, I bet she would make a great hunter. But please never underestimate Dean’s intelligence. Of course the boy reads!

**Dean/ Cas**

This episode continues what we already saw in 12x01: what a good team they make and how effortless they work together. I love how Dean, after they finished talking about finding Sam, stopped Cas from hanging up and confided in him about his feelings towards his mother. It’s been a long time we saw the two of them like that, with no obstacle between them, working together, talking to each other, trusting each other. Also the scene where Dean wordlessly aimed for Cas help in keeping her from hunting. The look she gave Cas, as if she wanted to ask him “Do you always do everything he wants?” (Yes, he does)

And… I bet Dean would find a way to make Cas sweat, just saying.

**Dean/ Mary**

First of all, I liked that Dean admited that the whole thing is weird. Super weird. And that he doesn’t know how to act around her. But I think Cas advice was right: not making it more complicated than it already is. And to be as honest as he can. And I think he is. When Mary tells him John was a great dad he didn’t agree. He didn’t correct her either. Instead he said nothing, which actually says a lot, at least to the audience who is aware of Dean’s complicated relationship with his father. He later tells her that John changed after her death, which I think was his way to tell her that the John she knew, the kind of father he was, died that night with her. Of course it came full circle with Mary getting John’s journal at the end, reminding her that John was a soldier once. I can just imagine that reading the journal is as sad to her as it was to Henry, as they both realised that the man/boy they knew no longer existed. 

(Also what was it with the photo? Do they think we didn’t realize it was the from 5x04 with Bobby and Cas? This fandom overaanalyzid the damn photo, just as everything else. Of course we notized. And no, I don’t think it is supposed to be the same photo, as this photo only existed in an alternative reality created by an angel. I think it is supposed to be a photo from John’s time as a marine)

I think Dean’s concern about Mary hunting will cause more conflict in the future. Of course after having her back his greatest fear is to lose her again. I think Mary has evetually to choose what kind of life she wants, though I can imagine she will return to a normal life, simply because hunrer!Mary would be around too much, whereas civillian Mary could return any time as a recurring character. 

There is also the moment where Dean tells her that Sam got out of the hunter life, and she wonders why he returned. The answer Dean (and later Sam) gives her is family. After everything they only had each other. And Mary… looks kinda sad. Because why it is good they always had each other’s back, I think she wanted more for them. Just each other is not enough.

We see Mary wearing a dead man’s robe (though I don’t know if it is Dean’s or another) and later the signiture Winchester plaid. Again the show visually associates her with Dean. Also Mary never cooked. Time to burst the bubble as she said. And I bet it is not the last one. 

AND DEAN FINALLY GOT HIS PIE! Which makes sense. After all pie is strongly associated with Mary, a symbol for Dean’s lost childhood, and again it is Mary who asks him if he wants some. Basically Mary = pie. Now that she is back, Dean is finally allowed to eat his pie. And of course he eats that fast. He has missed his chance so many times, he was probably anxious something awful would happen again to prevent from eating. And Mary’s bemused look. And Sam. Just… feeeeeeeeeeeeeels. 

The episode ends with Dean drinking alone in the kitchen, looking at od photos of Mary. For years it was the only thing he had left of her. Having her back is as he said overwhelming. He just slowly realizes that the woman he thinks he remembers and the real Mary are different persons.

**Mary/Sam**

Aka blank space. Aka that hug. Aka (you know the drill) feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels. Did I mentioned the show is trying to kill me?

But first things first. Mary is anxious about Sam and how he will react to her. Because of the deal she made. So she definetly remembers it. This had been hinted at before, as her ghost in 1x09 told him she was sorry. But we also know that her memory got wiped. Anyway, it always made me wonder, if she remembered, then why a) didn’t she warded her home? The Campells had a lot of lore/knowledge, surely they knew about devil’s traps? And b) why did she enter Sam’s crib? To protect him? How? In the pilot it seemed that she was as surprised to see Yellow Eyes as everyone else. 

Either way Mary feels guilty about her deal. In her eyes she is the one who caused her family tragedy: her family forced to live without her, leaving her children without a mum, them becoming hunters. And all those years Sam blamed himself for the very same thing: that if it wasn’t for him Yellow Eyes would have never killed his mother. We were just reminded about that in 12x01 during his hallucinations. I hope they talk about this and realize neither of them is to blame. 

I already mentioned John’s journal: I think it was important that Sam gave it to her. They are both blank spaces to each other. Unlike Dean Sam never had a chance to get to know his mother, and vice versa. And even Dean didn’t get to know her right, as he was only four years old. But the person who knew her best, who was closest to her, was John. And Sam knows that. He knows it takes time to fill in all the blank spaces, but he can start with giving her back her husband, in giving her the one thing left from him. 

**Crowley/Rowena/Lucifer**

Still not interested in Crowley (sue me), but Rowena, yeah. I love her plan to have a normal life, become a trophy wife, and probably kill the guy once he starts to bore her. And then she ends with her abuser once again, forcing her to do his dirty work. 

The spell of putting Lucifer back in the cage didn’t work, so I guess we have to find yet another way to get him back there. Or to kill him. I just hope they find it quick, because I’m not interested in a season long arc with Lucifer, I find the British MoL way more intersting.

And Lucifer’s new vessel. I really liked the actor, so far he is doing a great job, both while playing Vince and Lucifer. And again Lucifer uses a dead lover to make his vessel say yes, as he did with Nick and Sam (no white nightgown this time though). It made we wonder though… we can say his vessels suffered from heartbreak, grieving and loss… does this imply Cas suffered at least from heartbreak as well when he said yes?

Again the episode had a rather slow pace, which I liked. The focus was again on the characters, mostly Mary and her relationship to her sons. I am really looking forward to this season. Because the great thing about having Mary back is that the brothers are forced to retell their story and to reflect on it. They try to see their lives from her perspective. And two episodes in it makes the show feel fresh and new, while also adding a lot of nostalgia. More of it!


	3. Regarding Toni’s redemption arc

**Regarding Toni’s redemption arc**

I’ve seen a lot of speculation about Lady Toni and whether she gets a redemption arc or not. Regardless of that, mostly a possible redemption is associated with Sam and sometimes even with the possibility of them becoming a couple. Leaving the romance out of it, it makes sense that Sam should somehow be involved in her redemption arc, seeing as he has been the one hurted by her the most, both physically and psychological, and it seems to be impossible for the audience to forgive or at least accept her as an ally, if Sam doesn’t forgive her first. But I think there is yet another character who could contribute to Toni’s redemption arc. And that is Mary.

I think it is no coincidence that Toni was introduced in the same episode Mary was brought back, and that both characters will play a bigger role in season 12. They are both aware of the world of the supernatual, they both know how to fight, but the one thing they have most in common: they are both mothers. In 11x23, the season finale, they took the time to include a scene showing us Toni’s son. And in 12x01 we were reminded again that Toni is a mother with her phone call to her son. So far he seems to be the only person she genuinely cares for, and the only aspect of her that makes her symphatic or least a bit more complex. It is a stark contrast to everything else we have seen so far from her.

So far Toni’s son didn’t contribute anything to the story, other than making the character of his mother more complex. But pretty sure he wasn’t just introduced for that. Now, and this is purely speculation, but I can imagine that Toni’s son and her activity as a woman of letters are somehow related. Of course the men of letters are full of legacies, of people whose parents had been men/women of letters before them. But maybe they also recrut new members from time to time. And maybe Toni’s son was how they got her. Maybe she only works for them, maybe she is only so ruthless, because she owes them something. Something that had to do with her son. Maybe he was sick, with no chance for a treatment. But among the MoL library was a spell that could help him. Maybe Toni made a deal to save her son’s life and the MoL helped her getting out of it and in return she had to work for them. This of course would associate her even more with Mary, as she made a deal as well, and had to live with the consequences (or rather not live). And while Sam and Dean think “Cool motive, still ~~murder~~ torture”, Mary as a mother can understand where Toni is coming from. Mary, whol told Cas to hurt the vet, to get information about Sam. It would also fit in with the theme we have seen many times before on the show: making a hard/wrong choice for the wjat it seems right reason. All of team free will has messed up before; they all made deals to save each other, they all made it out of love. So did Mary. So maybe did Toni as well. And it would give the audience a reason to forgive her as well.


	4. "This is Castiel” - Or: Destiel, the Mary Winchester edition

**"This is Castiel” - Or: Destiel, the Mary Winchester edition**

Now, I already talked in my little [review for 12x02](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/152127786887/thoughts-about-supernatural-12x02) a bit about the fact that with bringing back Mary to the show, the brothers are forced to retell their story and to reflect about it. Of course there is a lot of tell, and it continues a big theme of the show we have seen since season 10, that is “the story became the story”. What part of their story do they seem relevant? What parts leave they out and for what reasons? Do they sugarcoat their story or tell the whole truth, even the ugly parts? In 12x02 Dean confessed he is afraid to overwhelm his mother. And though he already told her a lot, we know he couldn’t have told her everything that has happened in the last 33 years in the little time they had so far. This is interesting when it comes to Castiel, and more so the complicated relationship/history they both have. Because when we try to understand Castiel, and Dean’s relationship with him from Mary’s point of view, it becomes clear she is missing a lot of context.

But let’s start at the beginning. When Mary and Dean arrive at the bunker it is clear from their encounter with Cas that Dean hasn’t told his mother about him yet. And well, I can understand why, given under what circumstances they met. There is no easy way to tell your mother that your brother died, you made a deal to bring him back, but in return you went to hell, where an angel rescued you, who then helped you and your brother preventing the apocalypse, which by the way you accidently started as well. A bit overwhelming, indeed. But it is necessary to remember that Mary, when it comes to Cas and his place in her son’s lives, is missing this context. 

Arriving at the bunker, and after realising Sam is gone, Dean calls out for Cas and Sam. Maybe Mary didn’t hear it or she didn’t pay attention to it. The next thing we see is Mary and Cas meeting each other, both ready to attack the other. Cas of course only remembers a blonde woman banishing him (and then possibly kidnapping Sam), so when he sees yet another blonde woman (and no Dean) he is on high alert. To Mary he is another stranger, but his first words to her are _“ Who are you, and where is Sam?”_ , telling her that at least he knows Sam. The next thing we know is Dean rushing in, trying to de-escalate the situation, and this is where it gets interesting. Because he turns to Mary, telling her he is a friend and therefore no threat, and not the other way around. Why? He knows a bullet wouldn’t have hurt Cas, but maybe he wanted to prevent his mother from finding it out that way. But more so, he trusts Cas not to hurt her, once he is there, even if Cas still doesn’t know who she is. He can calculate Cas’s reaction in this situation better than Mary’s, because he knows Cas better than his mother. 

Dean calls Cas a friend. Of course he is more than that. In 11x23 Dean once again declared Cas as part of his family. Family is one of the, if not the biggest theme of the show, with the focus of family of blood vs family of choice (”Family doesn’t end with blood, but it doesn’t start they either”). Dean considers Cas as much as part of his family as he does with Sam, because he chose both of them. But again Mary is lacking this context, or the reasons why Dean sees Cas as his family. To her the word family might only relate to family by blood. Therefore Dean calling Cas a friend is the better choice, as it less confusing. 

Then of course there is the hug. Cas practically throws himself at Dean. Dean returns the hug, maybe a bit more reserved, telling Cas everything is okay. Mary seems surprised. Of course again, she doesn’t know that Cas believed Dean to be dead. But, and this is also worth considering, Mary isn’t used to two men being as openly affectionate as these two. Given the time she was born (1954), the place where she at least spent most of her adult life (Kansas) and the hunter macho culture she grew up with, this might be the first time she sees two men actually hug, instead of a short clap at the shoulder. 

Mary then asks Cas if he is a hunter, given the fact that he both knows Sam and Dean, seems to know what they are doing, and is consired a friend. Both Cas and Dean tell her that Cas is an angel. Of course being an angel doesn’t mean you can’t be a hunter as well, especially as we have seen in the past and will see during 12x01 and 12x01 Cas working like a hunter. But to Dean and Cas Mary’s question translated to “Are you human?”, a question she never would have asked, because why wouldn’t Cas be? But it already equals being a hunter to being human as well, which is intersting given Cas continued search for idendity, and who he wants to be (an angel? a human? a hunter?). Dean then further specifies the angel thing with his harp & halo comment, making sure he means the species and not you know a pet name. 

Of course Mary knowing that Cas is an angel gives everything a different context, though still not the right context. She still doesn’t know how Cas met her sons and why they are working together. But everything she does learn about angels is based on Cas behaviour in the first two episodes, and that will probably give her a very wrong picture about angels in general. Going back to the hug she now might think that this is the common way angels great humans for example. 

In the next scene we see Cas asking Toni’s driver rather violently about Sam. Mary asks “ _That’s an angel?_ ”. It is clear she did picture them different, maybe more like guardians and less violent. Of course we don’t know if Mary actually did believe in angels, or if her “angels are watching over you” was just a sentiment. Either way, we see Dean calling out Cas, and Cas stopping in his violent interrogation. He listens to Dean, though for Mary it might seem like he followed an order. This becomes clear in the scene where they interrogate the vet. Again Cas is rather harsh, again Dean tells him off, again Cas llistens to him. And then, after Mary realized the vet wasn’t telling him the whole truth, she tells Cas to hurt him. She gave him an order. And Cas did what she told him. 

In the fight against Ms. Watts Mary sees Dean and Cas working together. what she doesn’t see/knows (again lacking context) is that Ms. Watts knuckledusters probably weakened Cas. She is not yet aware how powerfull he really is. In the aftermath of Ms. Watts death she again witness Dean and Cas working together, in such an effortless way she probably assumes they did this many times before (and this time she is right).

12x02 starts with Dean’s phone call to Cas. After exchanging new information about Sam we see Dean confiding in Cas, telling him that he is unsure how to approach his mother. We know that Mary heard at least this last part of their conversation, and given that Dean said Cas’s name, she also knows who he talked to, if she didn’t already assumed so. From her first encounter with Cas we already know that Dean trust Cas enough to know he wouldn’t have hurt Mary. Now she sees again how much he trusts him, that he is the one he confides in. Given that she seemed to be surprised about their hug, she might be also wonder about Dean talking that open about his feelings. Again in her time and place that wasn’t probably common (though Mary seems to try be open and honest to her sons so far, so she might think it is a good thing Dean can talk that open about his feelings). 

Once Dean and Mary arrive at the farm Cas located as Sam’s prison, they have a silent conversation about Cas helping Dean to prevent his mother from entering the house with him. Again Cas is doing what Dean asks him about (even if he doesn’t use words for it). and the way Mary looks at Cas, she is aware of it. 

In the last scene Cas is in he doesn’t do much, but it is important that Mick called him “attack dog”. Of course this brings back bad memories, given that Rowena’s attack-dog-spell almost killed Cas. But to Mary it might further confirm what she thinks about Cas, namely that he is working for their sons, not with them. 

Unfortunately we don’t know what happened after that and why Cas left. We know that he did heal Dean, Sam and Mary though. This again would probably make him seem again like a guardian angel.

So what can we say about Mary and what she thinks about Cas, angels in general, and the relationship her sons (especially Dean) have with Cas? First of all, as I mentioned several times, she is missing a great deal of context. Given that Cas is the only angel she knows she might assume every angel is like Cas. The irony of course is that Cas is unlikely every other angel, that he is perhaps the greatest rebel, and that his devotion to the Winchesters led to his expulsion from heaven. Dean and Cas’s relationship is special. Cas once told Dean that he is not around to perch on his shoulder, and yet for Mary it seems like he is doing nothing else. He became the exact guardian angel he once claimed not to be. And furthermore Mary might think Cas is around to take orders from the Winchesters. His place in their family is not clear to her yet, and the fact that he was missing during their family dinner at the end of 12x02 underlines that. So far his relationship with her sons seems work related, even though Dean called him a friend, and obviously confides in him. 

I think this theme of coming to a wrong conclusion based on incomplete knowledge will play a bigger role during this season. And eventually it will lead Dean to fill in some blanks, to give her the right context, and therefore to define his relationship to Cas not only for his mother but for himself as well. And maybe to see it in a brand new light.


	5. Thoughts about Spn 12x03

**Thoughts about Spn 12x03**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Dear Bobo,

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

Seriously, what is this season? Every episode so far left me as an emotional mess. How I grave for more. (And how many shows can still deliver like that in their 12th season?)

Now, as always I split this up, regarding the two storylines we had this episode.

**The new adventures of Agent Beyonce and Jay Z**

And before we get to this, let’s start with Mary and Cas’s conversation in the beginning. During the hiatus it has been pointed out that these two characters would connect, that they are two strangers in a strange land. They both feel lost, they both feel like they don’t belong. And [I talked already about this ](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/152398887902/bluestar86-nerdylittleshit-spoilers-if-you)yesterday when the sneak peeak was released. Cas still questions his place in this family, and on earth. Just as Mary can’t call the bunker her home so does Cas. It is interesting then that Cas tells Mary that she, unlike him, do belong here. She is among her family, people who love her and care about her. But so is Cas. And maybe they both struggle with the same problem here: in their heads they know this, but their hearts struggled to accept this. And both will crash with Dean, who now hopes/thinks that everything will be okay for once, that they can be happy, and who wishes that things will go back the way they used to be, both with Cas and his mother. And so their depature will ghit him extra hard.

I’m defenitely a fan that the show adresses Cas state of mind like this. Mr. Berens already did this last year with the wonderful 11x06. It layed the groundwork to make us understand why Cas said yes to Lucifer in the first place and now we see the aftermath. Cas still suffers. And Cas still questions his place in this world. Heaven cut ties with him and I don’t think he longs to go back there, but as I said before he struggles to accept his place among the Winchesters. He is an angel after all, and it is hard to put in words how the loss of his home and family feels for him, no matter how horrible they treated him. 

Something I didn’t thought I would enjoy that much was Cas and Crowley working together. But then again super annoyed Cas is my favourite Cas, so there is that. They were fun to watch, clearly falling in their respective roles of good and bad cop. And yeah, I do think Crowley felt a bit guilty for leaving his mother alone with Lucifer.

Anyway, since when does Cas care about his looks? Now that I mind, but that is something very human to do, don’t ya think? Also I think it is yet another sign that he accepts this body as his own. 

Also, I think it is rather fitting that Cas is now officially Queen B. 

**Rowena/Lucifer**

Anyone thinks it is strange that Lucifer kept his promise and healed Vince’s sister? I know he once said he never lies, in 5x01 I think. But still. What advantage does he have from it? Also why did he only chose hiding places that are related to his vessel? Why not somewhere completely random? Or maybe he doesn’t care if someone finds him, believing that he is invincible? Anyway, never underestimate Rowena. You really think she would help making your vessel stronger? Pffffffft. I guess that is the end then for Vince? I rather liked his actor, so I wouldn’t be opposed to see him return. Rowena is now free again, and I’m curious what she will be doing next. It seems like she might be curious about living a civilian life for once, though I think she will be easily bored rather soon. We will see.

**Sam/Dean/Mary and all those feeeeeeeeels**

I don’t even know where to start here. Maybe with Mary cutting her hair. Because even though she gives us a practical reason why she done it, it is so symbolic. Of course changing your appearence and especially cutting your hair marks the start of a new era in your life. Of course she is right that shorter hair is more pratical during hunts, and I think that is the reason why she had such long hair when she died. Around the time she was pregnant with Dean (as seen in 5x13) her hair was shoulder long, now it reaches down her back. I think it is fair to assume she didn’t cut her hair in between, but just let it grow longer. It was her way to express that she no longer belong into the world of hunters. She had no longer an use for short(er) hair. Mary grew her hair because her new life allowed her to do so. But now that she is back she realizes she no longer is that woman. Everything that represented that life to her - her husband, her little kids, her house - are gone. I think telling her sons that she cut her hair because it is more pratical was a lie she hoped they would buy (and I think Sam didn’t). I think she cut her hair because she is mourning. It reminded me a great deal of Buffy season 6, where guess what Buffy was brought back to life after sacrificing herself at the end of season 5. She struggles with her new reality, and she is afraid to tell her friends that she was in heaven. And guess what she did? She cut her hair. Also some psychoanalysts see cutting your hair as a modified version of self castration. Long hair, especially among women, represents beauty. By cutting it you rebel against this beauty standard. And there is probably more to read to this, but there are still some other things to discuss. 

Like the case. Classic creepy ghost story. I liked how it related to Mary. This isn’t the first time ghosts turn out to be friendly and trying to help/uncover the truth (1x10 and 2x07 for example). She reacted to the little boy because she is a mom. She saw him as an innocent, as someone who needed her help. And the father who had lost her daughter possesed her because he felt connected to her as well. Because in a way she lost her children as well. And of course this marks another time where someone overcomes possesion out of love for Dean. 

So, Sam and Dean. They both react to their mother very different. Sam tries to see her the way she is, Sam sees her struggles, because to him she is an equal. Because yes, she is his mother as well, but he has no experience/memories in that department. Whereas Dean comes with a lot of package. Her remembers her, in the only way he could, as a mother. That is to say not as person. Because there is a difference how you see your parents as a child and as a adult, when you do realize at some point they re persons as well, with flaws and mistakes. Dean had already come to terms with the fact that his memories of her aren’t always 100% true (see the meatloaf). This episode showed us again how much they have in common: the love for bacon, same taste in music etc. (Though it made me wonder… Dean loves this music because of his dad, but was it John’s music in the first place or Mary’s that he listened to because it reminded him of her? Who is the real Dean/John/Mary and what is based on others?) Dean might think this is enough. That they all go hunting and everything will be fine. Because he needs it to be. His worst fear is to mess things up with his mother. And Mary with throwing herself at hunting is indeed a lot like Dean and Sam in that area. And Sam who knows Dean better than anyone regocnizes this behaviour right away. It is Dean who refuses to see it.

And this brings us to the heartbreaking end. Mary confesses that she doesn’t feel like she belongs. The bunker is not her home. Her sons are not her sons, at least not the way she rembered them. She is mourning. She misses her old life, which to her was just present yesterday, not 33 years ago. Sam and Dean never had what she had - a husband/partner, children, a life of her own. Sure Dean had Lisa and Ben. But he left them on his terms. Mary was ripped out of her old life. Something she had in heaven (and that is new, because so far everyone’s heaven was a rather lonely place, except if you have a soulmate, and even if John was her soulmate, where did Sam and Dean come from?). She needs time to deal with this. Sam can accept this. Again, he first of all sees her as a person, than as his mother. You can’t miss something you never had. But Dean. Oh god, the look on his face. This hits right into Dean’s abandonment issues. Dean who believes that everyone he loves will eventually leave him. And this started with his mother, the night she died. Dean who will think this is his fault, that he isn’t enough, that he made a mistake that made his mother leave. Dean longs and needs for his mother, but Mary can’t give him that. She is no longer that woman. Her Dean was four years old. And this kid is gone. She lost him and nothing can bring back all the time they missed in between. They can’t go back to the way they were before. They both have changed. And they both need to find a new way to form a relationship again. And I really hope they get there.


	6. Thoughts about Spn 12x04

**Thoughts about Spn 12x04**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

So. I think that was overall a good episode. The first one by Davy Perez. Now the thing about new writers is, that they can give something we all know so very well, a show in its now 12th season(!), a new twist. A new pair of eyes. And I think that is a good thing, because otherwise things might get repeatable too much. It also interesting to see how other people see/read those characters, we think we know so well. There were a few moments that seemed a bit odd at first. Not out of character, but still… interesting. In a good way. But before I come to this, let’s start at the beginning.

**The Case**

Now, the audience already knew what we were dealing with, because the “then”-segment kinda spoiled it. Still it was funny to see Sam and Dean debatte over witch or ghost, and in the end they were both wrong. Of course it was another way to show us how the brothers discommunicated. They both talked about the same thing (the case) but saw it from completely different point of views. And of course the same could be said about their mother. They both had different opinions about her leaving, neither of them right, but because in that regard there is no right or wrong. But in the end they were at the same page again. 

The case was at its core about a dysfunctional family. The whole “sometimes people need space, sometimes families are better off seperated” thing was a bit too obvious about the Winchesters as well. Like, I know this show lives on parallel storytelling but I think it could have done more subtle. Anyway. The family, especially the mother, couldn’t accept her daughter for what she was. This of course is a throwback to John, and the nice little “save Sam or kill him”-speech he gave Dean before his death. I wonder why he wasn’t shown in the “then”-segment. But it is important that in the Peterson family the mother was the villian. Because right now Dean is afraid that his mother can’t accept him and his brother the way they are as well. “ _She hates the way we were raised. She hates the fact that we’re hunters._ ” Also the whole family can’t accept their kid, think kid is possesed, try to beat it out of their kid thing is queer subtext at its best. Back in season 1 and 2 Sam’s psychic arc was queer subtext all over. The freak who doesn’t belong. And I get why Magda was linked to Sam, but I also think it would have made sense if she was linked to Dean. 

The imagery was right out of a good old schooled horror movie, Iiked that. Of course it was also full of Christian symbols. One thing I stil don’t understand is why the victims showed stigmata though. I mean Magda was forced to whip herself, so that explains those wounds, but the rest? Anyway, the case was interesting enough, tragic in its very own way, and another case where the real monsters were the humans.

**Sam**

I really feel like Davy Perez binge watched 11 seasons of Supernatural, and somewhere along wondered, gee, what ever happened to that Sam as a psychic arc? Like even though psychics came up again later seasons (7x07, 8x08, 10x17) the fact that Sam was a psycic as well once never came up again. And I think we still have noe real explanation why he stopped being a psychic. I always thought that his abilities, just as with the other special children, came from the demon blood he had been given as an infant. Then in season 4 when he started voluntary drinking it his powers increased. And then after 5x01 he was somewhat cured. He was still tempted, but he wasn’t experiencing withdrawl symptoms like he did in season 4. So after he stopped drinking demon blood and all the other special children had died his abilities died along? I think the special children mark also the only cases where people had been given those powers. Everyone else was born with it, I assume. 

Of course it makes sense Sam was linked to Magda. Just as her he and the other special children were freaked out by their powers and couldn’t control them. They were seen as abominations, they were hunted. And isn’t it a tragic irony that the boy who was Lucifer’s vessel conforms a young woman in telling her she isn’t the devil? And even before he found out she was alive and psychic he defended her. To me it seemed a bit odd that Sam was so hard to Magda’s mother. Of course he didn’t think it was right to let Magda die (or so he assumed) but Sam keeps those things to himself. It is more Dean’s part to be that straight forward. Instead Dean thought the family might be a little weird, but hey, at least they stick together, right? Whereas Sam was the one suspecting them from the beginning. Roles reversed. Like I said it is not completely out of character for Sam, just unusual. But I think it hit a wound spot. Again, Sam thought for the most part of his life he was a freak, that he was sick, that maybe he deserved to die. He believed in God. He believed there was a plan, that God cared. And then he met God and realized, no there isn’t. No plan. Nothing that would have justified Sam’s pain. God doesn’t care how you life your life. He doesn’t care if you are good people. Bad things still happen to you. I think Sam understood that family from a distant point of view. They had tried to find a muster, a plan in their out of control lives. Nothing made sense anymore, so they forced some sense in it. Everything happens for a reason. God’s plan. Something Sam had wanted to believe as well. 

**Dean**

First of all, I think it is illegal to look that good in a sweater. What even, Jensen? Second: Dean is hurting. No surprise. He acts all hard. No surprise either. But then he sends a sms to his mother, reaching out to her, asking her if it would made her more comfortable if he calls her Mary, because he knows he can’t force her to be his mom when technically he is a stranger to her. And that… well that was surprising. Like no doubt I thought that Dean would eventually get around, understand his mother’s perspective and so on. But knowning him I thought it would take a bit longer. Like, okay, we don’t need to drag out this storyline longer than neccessary, this is progress, this is good. Sometimes families need space, even though or especially because they love each other. But seeing this from Dean was odd. Again not out of character. Just new. In a good way. Unexpected. 

Other than that there isn’t much to say about Dean, as this episode focused more on Sam. Like I mentioned he acted all hard, and was a bit to eager to shot Beth. Out of context the scene where he visited her late night at her office made him look the predator here and her the victim. Of course Beth was unaware of his real intentions so she thought the only reason he would visit her that late, asking her about her new job etc was because he was interested in her. Can’t blame her. 

Other than that we have the confirmation that the bike belongs to Mr. Ketch. So far his mission seems to be to clean up the Winchester’s messes, not killing them. Yet. But it confirmed something we already expected since Toni told us more about the British MoL and their work: that for them there is no room for black and white. Someone like Magda (like Sam once) falls into the category supernatural, therefore evil and a threat to be eliminated. Magda never asked for her powers. And within the context we learned that she never meant to kill anyone, but was only asking for help. She had no control. But she had the chance to learn. It’s a context the British MoL deliberately miss. (Just as Mary misses a lot of context about her son’s lives, by the way) Just like with the scene with Beth and Dean the lines between who is the victim and who is the monster are blurring, always depending on the point of view. To us Magda was a victim. To the British MoL she was a monster. And given everything the Winchesters did or were at the time (psychic, Lucifer’s vessel, a demon etc) they regard them as monsters as well. 

We will see. Until next time!


	7. Thoughts about Spn 12x05

**Thoughts about Spn 12x05**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

This episode was… a thing. Not what I expected. Not bad… just you know I had hoped for more. The last seasons I usually enjoyed the motw-episodes more than the mytharc-episodes, this seasons though it is the other way around. I really liked 12x01, 12x02 and 12x03 a lot (counting 12x03 as a mytharc-episode as it mostly focused on Mary). 12x04 and 12x05 weren’t bad but felt weakier in comparision. 

So what do we make of this episode? First of all, as a German, I really dislike if there is a German misspelling or a pronunciation that is completely wrong, because someone didn’t do their homework, and let me tell you there is an awful lot in television, as if no one could get a German around to help them. But… I didn’t notice such things in tonights episode. Of course we can question why the Thule Nazis talked in English all the time, and later especially Hitler, other than they didn’t wanted to overuse subtitles (what is it with American movies/shows that they think their audience is too lazy to read subtitles?). But al the German phrases were right and it was also historically correct (expect for the part where they trapped Hitler’s soul in a pocket watch). Speaking of, thanks for the Harry Potter reference. I refuse to believe Dean never read those books or didn’t at least watch the movies, geek that he is. He just pretends not to, part of performing Dean, and to mock Sam. (Though it also reminded me of the thing in Doctor Who where time lords could trap themselves in pocket watches). And speaking of Hitler, I think his behaviour was a bit odd. He seemed a bit too enthustiastic, and even the Thule members thought it was weird, so it was clearly on purpose. Maybe that happens when you for over 70 years in a watch. Though I think it was to make fun of Hitler, to make this episode even more absurd. I think if they would have portrayed Hitler in a more fightening way the whole episode would have had a very different tenor. 

We stick with the Thule for a bit longer: there was also a father-son-conflict. The father complained about the millennials, and given his son was born 1904 (if I heard correct) he technically is a millenial. He talked about the world we are living in right now, and that now is the exact right time to bring Hitler back. Given that Trump became the next president of the US there is no longer a need for this though. But with the British MoL and now the Thule and also the family last week who had some very black and white ethics as well the show makes a not so subtle political comment. The villians are either human (British MoL, the Petersons) or were human once (the Thule), who weren’t born evil, but rather chose to become evil in making all the wrong choices. The enemy this season doesn’t come from outside but within.It is our choices who define who we are not the life we were born into. 

And this brings us to Ellie. I really liked her. Probably because she talked a lot, which is a thing I migt or might nor also do a lot. When we discover that she is related to Hitler there is a theme of “something evil is in you”. This is very similar to Magda last episode. And of course just as with Magda Sam bonded with Ellie over this. Again he reminded a young woman that the fact that you were born with a power or related to a monster doesn’t mean you are evil. Just as the fact that Sam was born as Lucifer’s vessel and was fed demon blood didn’t make him evil. Those two episodes, along with the fact that Mary mentioned her deal in 12x02 makes me believe we are headed somewhere. Sam’s powers/his status as a vessel will become important again, especially given that Lucifer is still out there. Now all this talk that Sam isn’t defined by those aspects, that he himself realized he is not evil, overcoming the “I’m not clean” trauma, makes me hopeful we won’t see another scenerio with Sam as Lucifer’s vessel. There has been some speculation about Mary agreeing to become Lucifer’s vessel, caused by her guilt over her deal. And while I think this speculation is solid and worth thinking about it, I remain optimistic it won’t happen because: a) Someone close to the Winchesters becoming Lucifer’s vessel is the exact storyline we had last season/ Sam becoming his vessel is something we already had in season 5, so why repeating the same old story again? b) it would destroy Sam and Dean. I think killing of Mary (again) is the one line the show can’t cross. It would simply be too much. There is also the fact that the Thule didn’t wanted Ellie as Hitler’s vessel, but only her blood. I really dreaded to see the Winchesters forced to kill her because it would have been the only way to kill Hitler. But the fact she didn’t become the vessel makes me hopful in regard to Mary’s fate, and also yet another hint to how misogynistic the Thule are, ergo in the bigger picture a parallel to everything that is wrong right now in the US and the men in power there. 

I already mentioned that within the Thule we had a little father-son-conflict as well. The son disagreed with the way his father did his job/his worldiew, and felt he was always a disappointment to him, coming to an extreme when the father ordered to kill his own son. Of course they couldn’t have made the parallel more obvious. The faces of Sam and Dean said enough. Been there, done that. Last weeks mother was used as a parallel to Mary, or rather what Dean feared her to be: someone who couldn’t accept who he is. In the end it turned out his fears were uncalled for. The soon-to-be-Hitler-guy was a parallel for John and there was no denying in it. I think we will see more of this conflict, when the brothers might have to come clean to Mary how exactly their childhood was after her death and what kind of man John had become. 

I’m not enterly sure about the pie thing. In the beginning it seemed like Sam was right, Dean avoided the pie because of Mary. But in the end he though he deserved some pie because he did his job right and I just… I think there are people who make more sense of this. 

And the last thing: the one you’ve been waiting for was to me at least Aaron. And this whole scene was so disappointing. Like ok, they included him, suggesting they still keep in contact, and Aaron is now a cool Nazi hunter in Berlin, but still. I expected until the last minute he would burst through the door with his golem to save Ellie/Sam/Dean. I wanted the “gay thing” to return. I think you can’t make an episode with Aaron in it without mentioning it. It is against the law. I also try to figure out the deeper meaning of the name of the bar (”Das murmeltier” which translates to “The groundhog”). Any suggestions?

Any way, I’m looking forward to next week and Jodi and Mary meeting and the whole “we are trapped in a house and something tries to kill us”-thing. Yeah!

**Edit:**

That makes more sense.


	8. Thoughts about Spn 12x06

**Thoughts about Spn 12x06**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

So…. That was a good one. From the three episodes from new writers we have seen this season so far, that episode was in my opinion the best one. So, this might get a bit longer than usual. Buckle up.

**The hunter community**

Now this is something I always hope the show would explore a bit more. Though other hunters are mentioned here and there, and we met a few, Sam and DEan are not part of the hunter community. This was clear back in season 2, when we met Ellen and Jo and the roadhouse. They seemed surprised a place like this exists, where hunters would meet, trade stories and knowledge and help each other out. It makes sense of course. Being a hunter makes you live in a parallel world, because you know something the majority of the people don’t. And it is good to know that there are others out there, who have seen what you saw, who live a life like yours. 

Sam and Dean even say they are never part of hunter gatherings, at least not outside bars, because their dad told them they are trouble. Because of course he did. The reason they were never part of this community is because John never was part of it. He had broke off things with both Ellen and Bobby before his death, and that is just symptomatic. His sons were already isolated because they were raised as hunters, but he isolated them even more in never becoming part of the community. And by the time Sam and Dean were adults they no longer needed that support. They had each other, and that always needed to be enough. And of course the fact that a lot of hunters blame them for starting the apocalypse among other things, so they don’t trust new hunters.

A big theme was stories, or you know “how the story became the story”. The Winchesters are living legends among other hunters. And in some ways it is the same with Mary: Sam, but mostly Dean build her up as a legend, based on what little they knew about her. And just as Sam and Dean they can’t live up to the standard. Also: Asa idealized Mary as well. If he would have met Sam and Dean while he was alive, their family name would have ring a bell, so maybe he would have tod them how their mother saved him. Then again, when Sam and Dean are so famous among hunters, why did he never tried to contact them? Maybe he was afraid they wouldn’t live up to his expections he surely had about the sons of the woman who saved him. 

In the end storyteling turns out to be the punishment the group has for Bucky. They let him live, they don’t even arrest him. But they are gonna tell his story. 

Among the hunters, I liked Alicia and Max the best. The fact that they were raised by a with brings some fresh air and could be useful whenever Rowena isn’t around and they need a spell. I really hope they come back. I need to see max flirting with Dean. 

The idea of a locked house and finding out who did it (or in this case who is possesed) isn’t new, but always works. Simply but effective. And I loved the team work exorcism.

**Jody**

JODY MILLS IS THE BEST AND SHOULD BE AROUND MORE OFTEN AND DON’T YOU DARE TO EVER KILL HER OFF. That is all.

Seriously though, this episode reminded me again what a great character Jody is. Without Alex and Claire around (is Radiohead still a thing?), the focus was more on her this time. And really, Sam and Dean need to spend more time with her, because she isn’t afraid to speak her mind and always gives great advise and is ready to listen and talk. 

The focus was a bit more on Jody’s love life this episode, carefully reminding Sam and Dean that she has a life of her own. And that you can have both, or be both. Dean thinking of her as a “badass sheriff chick” instead of a “rom com chick”, as if he can’t imagine she can be both at the same time. Just like he is. And he even denies liking chick flicks, even though we know he confirmed liking them in 11x23. Is this a continuity error? Or out of character writing? I don’t think so. In 11x23 Dean was at a place where he was ready to admit that. Of course he was moments away from dying, or he thought so. Now though, with his complicated relationship with his mother he buries all his dreams of a normal life again. He tells Sam he doesn’t believe he will die old and peacefull, but instead while hunting. Because that is all he is. That is why he denies the rom com. Because the promise of it - finding true love, live a long and happy life - won’t come true for him. It is not what a hunter gets. It is what made Lorraine so miserable - that her son never had a normal life, never married or got kids. And yet, Jody talks about dating even though she claims it was just casual (and the demon later reveals she had hoped for more). She wanted both. And Asa was a father in the end, though we don’t know if he was aware of it. 

The only interesting thing about Dean’s hentai fetish is that he didn’t wanted Jody to know. Which reminded me of 8x10 and how Dean didn’t wanted Cas to know about his porn as well. It is okay for Sam to know. But not Jody or Cas. Interesting.

**Dean**

Oh Dean. Let’s give the boy some “I killed Hitler”-shirts (and bonus points for Jody’s unimpressed expression). For all the growning and acting like an adult he did at the end of 12x04 and 12x05 we see it crumble the moment Mary comes back. Because even though he tries to understand her need for space he is still hurt by it. He still lashes out to her. And he develops back to his hunter persona, the guy who thinks hunting is all he has, not daring to want more of life (as I mentioned above). And that is because he still thinks Mary secretly hates what he has become - a hunter - so he focus even more on it. Mary always symboled the normal apple pie life to him, but as he can’t have her permantly in his life he gives up his dreams for this life as well. Oh Dean.

Also: Asa used to love his old car and couldn’t give it up, just like Dean. He was a lady’s men, just like Dean. And a legendary hunter, just like Dean. So could his death and the way he died (betrayed by a friend) foreshadow Dean’s fate this season?

Also, yeah Billie. Now Dean owes her something. This won’t end well.

**Sam**

Aka the only one who didn’t act like a jerk towards Mary. Bless his soul. It was interesting to see how he negotiated between Mary and Dean and tried Mary to understand Dean’s perspective, the way he tried to make Dean understand her’s in the episodes before. Because it reminded me how Dean used to negotiate between his brother and his dad. 

The one thing that stood out to me, because it was brought up twice, once by Elvis and then by the demon, was Sam status as Lucifer’s vessel. Which was brought up also last week in 12x05. And kinda in 12x04 (the special children arc was connected to Lucifer, so it still fits). It ain’t subtle anymore. This is even the most obvious clue ever that Sam will say yes again to Lucifer, or the biggest misleading ever (and I hope for the later). 

**Mary**

She is slowly becoming one of my faves, so please show don’t kill her off (again). This is based on the one hand because I love the way Samantha Smith brings this character to life, and on the other hand because I do love a complicated female character. Thank you show for making her real, for making her troubles real, for overwriting the Saint Mary image we had for 11 seasons.

Now the teaser was quite interesting. In 1980 Dean was one year old, and yet Mary took a couple of days off to drive to Canada and kill a werewolf. So, two things: yeah to Canada (is this a “if Trump becomes president I move to Canada” reference?), and what was that car? And where is it now? Because it needs to come back.

When Asa asks Mary who will save him or other people if she retires she doesn’t have an answer for him. She didn’t say there are other hunters. Because maybe she wasn’t part of the hunter community as well. Or because, just like Dean, she thinks it is all on her to save everyone. Which is why she couldn’t quit. Not really. And why she won’t blame her sons for living this life even though she wanted something different for them (the way Lorraine wanted for her son). 

It is interesting that Asa is one of the few examples of someone who became a hunter not because he lost a loved one by a monster, but because he was saved. And then Lorraine spins the story of how Mary saved Asa, into Mary being the reason her son never had a normal life and in the end died too soon. Another example of how the story became the story. It was the way Lorraine saw it, the only she could see it. But in the end she realizes she was wrong.

Still, everywhere Mary goes people affront her. Dean is hurt and so is Lorraine. She can’t do anything right. 

And just as in 12x03, when Mary was approaching the crib, we had another flashback to 1x01, with the blood driping on Asa’s face from the ceiling. Mary’s past is haunting her everywhere she goes.

Also, Mary almost killed Jody. Now back in her days demons weren’t really a thing, yet she knew a exorcism. But can we blame her? When Sam and Dean killed countless possesed people and the only reason they stopped Mary here was because Jody is their friend? They use a double standard all the time, only trying to exorcise a demon if they know the meatsuit. 

Now, of course Billie would be interested in Mary. She hates the fact Sam and Dean are still around despite the fact they both died mutiple times. And now Mary as well. Of course she wants to reap her. But more interesting is the fact that Mary actually considers her offer. Now Billie is not the bad guy here. She doesn’t kill. She plays by the rules (unlike the Winchesters). She offers Mary mercy, because she knows Mary wants it. And I think everything she said about her - that she doesn’t feel like she belongs, that she is lonely - is true. Because Mary doesn’t belong in this time and place. And she knows it. That doesn’t mean she should give up. And it certainly doesn’t mean it doesn’t get better. It will, evetually. It makes sense thar Mary feels depressed. That part of her wonders if it wouldn’t be better she never came back. And as I mentioned in my review for 12x03 it reminds me a great deal of Buffy’s emotional arc in season 6. Buffy who was gone for monts, not 33 years. I really think it is one of the stronger points of this season how they portray Mary’s struggle, how something they all seemed to want so much causes so much pain. I think Billie will return and she will talk to Mary again. And I hope that by that time Mary will be more condfident in her decision to live in the land of the living.


	9. Asa Fox, the reversed hunter

**Asa Fox, the reversed hunter**

It took me two weeks, but I just realized that Asa Fox reversed a lot of the hunter stereotypes we got on the show.

\- his name: while a fox is a predator as well, those animals are of course more known to be hunted rather than to be hunters

\- his ubringing: Asa lived in a big house, that seemed to belong to his family. That and the way his mother dressed/behaved suggest they weren’t exactly from the middleclass like most hunters we met so far

\- his hunter origin story: almost every hunter we met lost a loved one by a supernatural creature, and tried to avenge their death by becoming a hunter themself. John lost his wife, Sam and Dean their mother. Bobby lost his wife. Jody lost her son and her husband, etc. Of course Asa is not the first person whose saving by a Winchester inspired him to become a hunter - there is Charlie or Donna as part-time hunter - but the typical hunter origin story includes a great loss.

\- the fact that he once was in a relationship with a (good) witch suggest he was open minded and didn’t devide the world in good and evil, but knew there was a lot of grey area (as opposed to hunters who see everything supernatural as a threat)

\- further more we can say this open mind lives on with his children (though we don’t know if he knew they were his kids and influenced them); Alicia and Max are both hunters and witches, Max is openly gay which is still not that common in the hunter community

\- while he died young he didn’t die a supernatural death, but rather died because of an accident

There is probably more, but those are the things I can think of in the moment.


	10. Thoughts about Spn 12x07

**Thoughts about Spn 12x07**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

So… that was that. Not a bad episode per se, but knowning what a talented writer Bobo Berens is, it felt like wasted potential. I actually think motw-episodes might be his stronger suit. Because the problem so to say with mytharc episodes is that you have to get in a lot of plot (which in this case kinda lacked direction), and have to cut character moments. Though I think Bobo found a better balance between those two elements (continuing the mytharc & character development) in 11x06. Anyway, let’s take a closer look at the episode.

It starts with two dumb boys accidently bringing back Lucifer. If there is one thing you can alwways rely on it’s on dumb people bringing evil into the world (yes, I’m talking about Trump). If Lucifer didn’t kill them Rowena probably would have. 

**Sam & Dean**

There isn’t much to say about them, see lack of character moments. I loved seeing Dean playing with his mum. If we ignore all the emotional baggage they connect very easily with each other, very lighthearted, in contrast to Sam, who is missing this sort of connection but isn’t afraid to more serious conversations with his mother. It’s great to see the writers giving each brother an individual relationship with their mother. 

This marks also the return of Sam Winchester, the hair rock fan. Nobody should be actually surprised about this, the boy likes Bon Jovi as well after all. But it is quite interesting to get this piece of information about Sam. I know there is some discussion/meta about the lack of knowledge we have about Sam’s interest. We know what music Dean likes, what kind of movies etc but what about Sam? I know I read some meta about Sam’s taste in music some time ago (of course I will never find that link again), and how little the show gives us about that. So liking hair rock kinda makes sense. We know his taste in music is different than his brother’s, his dad’s and now we know even his mum’s. He likes indie rock/alternative rock, because it is the complete opposite of what his family forced him to listen to. But also hair rock (see Bon Jovi). Now while hair rock, or as Sam says hard rock, is technically rock, people like Dean (or probably John) would argue it’s not real rock. They only consider classic rock as real rock music. Even if Sam enjoys the same thing as the rest of his family, he is still an outsider. And this explains why Sam was so upset that Vince died. He did mean something to him as well. He was part of his identity, of his growing up, defining himself against his family. 

Also, Dean’s dislike of hair rock is projecting at his best. We know he likes Bon Jovi on occasion. And his argument for disliking hair rock (or glam rock) is this: rainbow wig and leopard prints. It is not about the music, it is about the whole attitude and image those bands had. They dressed up. They wore make up. They had long hair. In short: they appeared very feminine. And of course it was their own way to rebel. But imagining someone like John Winchester reacting to bands like Van Halen and Mötley Crüe . Even if Dean did secretly like their music he would have never admitted it. These men appeared femine on purpose, and of course there is still the old clichee that men dressed like this are all gay. Not in a million years would have Dean admitted he liked them or what they represented (a freedom he was never able to experience). And then we have Sam saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Which is very much in line with his line in the last episode where he told Dean to be proud of his hobbies, meaning to be proud of himself. Don’t judge - it is something Dean shouldn’t do but also something Dean shouldn’t be afraid of his brother will do. Don’t judge the inside based on the out side. Dean might look like a scruffy hunter - or as Cas said lumberjack - but that doesn’t mean he can’t be soft or isn’t allowed to like feminine things (also, all the die gard Ladyheart fans seemed to be women). In line with this we have Dean making fun of Sam for drinking the fancy water but later enjoying it himself. And Dean admitting he likes yoga pants. No suprise though.

([source](http://itsokaysammy.tumblr.com/post/130601222857/x))

I really liked Sam’s message at the end. Yes, they did save the crowd, but still a lot of people died. And every single life mattered. It reminds me of the beginning of season 11, and Sam’s new focus on saving people rather than hunting things. Last episode they made a big deal of not killing the demon, because it would have meant kiling Jody as well. This episode Dean says they never hoped to save Vince in the first place. It is somewhat of a doublestandard. 

Also, Sam and Dean never looked more out of place than in LA. The whole portray of the industry was a big comment on the actually industry that produces this show, just the way 2x18 was, which was also referenced in this episode (so many callbacks to old episodes this season). 

And the American Oasis? Pfffffffffffffffft. 

Still, Dean playing the guitar makes me a [wee bit emotional.](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/153838214497/awed-frog-grey2510-awed-frog)

**Cas & Crowley**

First of all: IT’S CAS. That one was totally intential to fuck with us, thank you very much. And just… wasn’t it “Castiel” on Dean’s screen back in 11x04? I remember this because there was some discussion about as it seemed odd Dean would use Cas whole name. But not as odd as Cass. To quote Mary Winchester: That’s not even a word.

Not much to say about Crowley. I still think his character has outlived his storyline seasons ago. No big surprise Crowley made a lot of dealsin LA though (but Taylor Swift is a precious little snowflake that should be protected and never made a deal, tank you very much again).

So Cas. Who is super annoyed to work with Crowley. I feel you. There were two little bits in this episode that felt a bit odd to me. The first is when they enter Vince’s room and it is clear Vince had a wild party/an orgy, but Cas says it looks like a fight. Did he not see the underwear and realized what really happened? He knows about such things, hell he even had sex. I know there is some debatte wheter Cas is asexuel or not (and the show is kinda contradicting on this), but he would at least analyze the situation right. And later we have Lucifer calling him pleasureless and duty-bound. There is a big theme of duty vs desire on the show and Cas (just as Dean) is part of it, where his duties keep him from following his desires, meaning he has them and knows what it feels like to experoence them. I dunno, it just didn’t seem right for his character, but maybe someone has an explanation that makes more sense. 

Other than that, Cas state of mind still seems to be the same as in season 11, when he said “yes” to Lucifer in the first place. He still thinks Lucifer is his respinsibility alone and he is ready to sacrifice himself in order to defeat him. I also couldn’t help but see some parallels between what Lucifer thinks of his father and what cas might thinks or fears about the Winchesters.

> _**He needed my help, and he’d say anything to get it.** His words, your words, they mean nothing. Don’t you get it? This is all **meaningless**. Heaven, Hell, this world. If it ever meant anything, that moment is past. Nothing down here but a bunch of hopeless distraction addicts, so **filled with emptiness, so desperate to fill up the void** … they don’t mind being served another stale rerun of a rerun of a rerun. _

Cas still thinks he is expendable, that the Winchesters only want him around if they need his help. He is still depressed, filled with emptiness, ready to fill up his own void and ready to sacrifice himself in order to give his life some grant final meaning. 

Of course Sam and Dean don’t see him like this and I hope Cas’s actions and words this episode made them realize he needs another reminder that he is part of their family. 

The other character that feels depressed  and that she not really belongs to her family is of course Mary, making a parallel to Cas, but also (yet again) to Lucifer. 

Cas’s line “You don’t care who pays the prize?” makes me think that someone has to eventually pay the prize in order to defeat Lucifer, maybe in giving their own life. 

Also: the return of “Hey Assbutt”. Best part of the episode tbh. 

Also also: Damn it Cas, Den just wanted to see you in a leather jacket as well. 

**Lucifer**

The writing kinda sugested that Lucifer only now realized Vince was/is a rockstar. What exactly did he think he was before? Or didn’t he care at all? I thought the only reason he choose Vince as a vessel in the first place was his status as a rockstar. 

Anyway, the episode says that rockstars or any kind of celebrities these days are like Gods, confirming something we knew since 5x05. It does kinda question or relationship to these people, the way we at times put them on podests and are willing to do almost anything for them.

The two big themes here were love and devotion. And making clear that those two are not the same. I think Lucifer does have real aandonment issues, that he does crave love, but not the real healthy kind, but a very twisted version, where he gives nothing but expects everything in return. It is the closests what feeling like a God is like (very old testament, I might add), and it’s kinda mocking the real God and his followers here. Lucifer doesn’t have a plan. Everything is meaningless to him. And that is what makes him more dangerous than ever. Seriously I don’t remember the last time this character creeped me out so much ( and kudos to Rick Springfield for acting him this way). Lucifer does whatever he wants, destroying as he says his father’s toys along the way. We know he will probably possesss the president next episode (just as in real life), so he can’t really get bigger than this and I hope they will end his arc next week. In some ways I think Lucifer wants it to end. His life has no longer meaning after all. But we will see. 

Until next week.

(Bonus: Did Dean keep the pink panties? Yes, he did.)

 **Edit:** I totally forgot: A wild Kuma also appeared! Yeah!


	11. Thoughts about Spn 12x08

**Thoughts about Spn 12x08**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

So. Midseason finale. I think I read some news before where it already was said, the midesason finale would be part one of a two parter, which is something Supernatural doesn’t do that  much in general, but I think in this case it worked and I am exicted for the next episode (Mary & Cas working together!!!!!). Does anybody know who will write 12x09? Anyway, back to the episode. 

**Lucifer**

Was this the end of the Lucifer arc? I hope so, because it is way overdue. Because why Supernatural usually never has a problem killing off characters, there are some whose story is way overdone. If a character’s story has been tod it is time for them to go. Take for example Bobby. Why his death was super painfull, his character did no longer add something to the story, whereas his death contributed to the big arc of loss we saw in season 7. So why are characters like Crowley and Lucifer still around? Crowley’s story was done by the end of season 8, and Lucifer’s arc should have ended along with Hallucifer in season 7. Why I did enjoy Misha’s portray of Lucifer last season, I felt the character had lost some of his mystery and danger. I actually thought he was dead at the end of season 11, because if someone was powerfull enough to do it it was Amara. The Lucifer this season gained some of his old danger back, because a Lucifer without a plan is always harder to stop then one with a plan. Still, I hope this was the end of this character. Though I’m not entirely sure he is really gone. Do we have any confirmation he was put back in the cage? And why couldn’t they do it as long as he was in a vessel? That wasn’t a problem when Sam was his vessel. 

This episode contained a lot of Christian imagery, which I liked, because it gives the show some sort of gothic feeling. I don’t know what it was with the crosses who turned upside down, the burning bible etc. It looked cool, but it kinda didn’t make sense within the mythology of the show. Because Lucifer is still an angel and those things don’t happen with other angels. Or was it some sort of punishment/curse from God? That all things holy cannot be touched by Lucifer. Or his his grace to rotten to do it? Who knows. Still, it is interesting Lucifer choose first an Archbishop and then the very religious president as his vessel. And as seen with the president (and I assume he id the same with the Archbishop) he used their faith to convince then to say “yes”. Speaking of the president, I know we all joked that making the POTUS possesed by the devil is Supernatural confusing reality with fiction again, but the guy seemed actually ok. He did try to do better and only said yes because he though he was doing the right thing (sounds familiar? The president as a potential parallel to Cas?). He was also confirmed to be the most popular president, unlike Trump, who didn’t won the popular vote, so I don’t hink he stands for Trump (also given when this episode was written they couldn’t know the worst case scenario would come true). 

Even if Lucifer is gone, there is still the nephilim as a possible threat. The last time we saw one was in season 8, and back then the offspring of an angel and a human fitted right into the theme of humans in love with supernatural beings we had all through season 8 aka the destiel season. And in some ways I think this nephilim is kind of connected to destiel as well. Because it is the result of a secret love, a love Kelly wanted to make public, a love she wanted to be seen. This, along with Dean’s “I didn’t know he was dating” and as mentioned the president as a potentinal Cas parallel, makes me believe this is a hint to destiel, another love that wants to be seen. 

The other thing of course is Lucifer’s wish to become a father, or in his words to create something (is creating demons not enough?). Is this his wish to be a better father than his own father was to him? It seems Lucifer’s daddy issue is his main motivator here. Also, as it was hinted that that was the first time Lucifer had sex, I think Cas was right in 12x07 in assuming a fight had happened in Vince’s suite rather than an orgy. 

Also: “ _He’s a symbol for the simple-minded. A-a comic book villain._ ” Pretty sure there are layers of layers of meta to write about this (and wheter Lucifer’s portayal in Supernatural did or did not confirm this) but I’m too tired to go there.

**Everything else**

Cas and Crowley want to play agents as well, but the Winchesters won’t let them. Rude. even though last week it was Cas and this week it was Crowley who were essential to get the job done (Cas getting Tommy to call, Crowley figuring out Lucifer’s new vessel). And this episode they also needed the resources from the British MoL. Seems like the Winchesters no longer can finish the job alone. 

Speaking of the British MoL: there were an awful lot of dog metaphors. First Mr. Ketch called the federal agents dogcatchers (making the Winchesters therefore dogs), but later said they (the British MoL) are the good dogs who only come when they are called. So they both dogs, but while the Winchesters don’t seem to folow any rules the British MoL are the trained good dogs. (Also Sam caling and hanging up was totally like a teenager calling his first crush, just saying). Anyway, it seems the British MoL are in some ways willing to help, and if anything they have cool gadgets and improved weapons (I think there is metaphor somewhere in Dean still not able to use the grenade launcher but having to watch someone else do it instead). Anyway, we know what they did (Magda) so we don’t trust them.  

This episode marked also the return of Winchesters vs the law, which was a big theme back in season 2 & 3, and then again in season 7. I hope the federal agents put the Winchester’s fingerprints/photos/etc through their databank and wonder for a moment how many times those guys died already. Also: “ _You make those toy badges in craft class on the psyche ward? Nice car, by the way. Really stands out._ ” Someone finally said it. 

Some other things:

The warding for the bunker is currently down. I wonder if this will become relevant in the future. 

  
Appearently Cas can sense lying, which is the reason he called Dean out on his bullshit since forever, but also: “ _But the truth can be situational._ ” If this doesn’t sum up show vs fandom nicely. 

And most important: Cas was hiding in the closet. No comment. 

We end the episode with the Winchesters in prison, and Kelly on the run. They will probably find a way to bust them out, though I’m already exited to see Cas and Mary taking action together. The moral dilemma will be with Kelly though, because abomination or not, Kely sees it as her child and you can’t force her into arbortion. Maybe it is a magical child who grows really fast in the six weeks that will happen in between episodes and she gets more scared and agrees to get rid of it? I’m really curious to see how they handle this sensetive topic. And given Lucifer is the father, and she wasn’t aware of this while sleeping with him, this is a rape metaphor as well. It does remind me a lot of Jesse, the anti-christ, we saw in 5x06 and then never again. Maybe he turns up again. They can start a self care group. Until then *waves*


	12. Thoughts about Spn 12x09

**Thoughts about Spn 12x09**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

Man, I missed my show. This episode was overall okay, though not Dabb’s best, but there were a few details that bugged me. It also started/contuined some themes and arcs, that I’m looking forward to see unravel in the second half of the season.

So here we go again.

**The Law Enforcement**

Now this is a theme that was kinda big in the early seasons, especially season 1-3, and shortly became prominent again in season 7, and then the show forget about it again. It was a nice recap during the episode of Winchesters vs the law, and showing us again how they look like to an outsider: like seriously disturbed serial killers. And they kind of played with that image when they told agent Sanchez “ Cause we’re not trapped out here with you. You’re trapped out here with us”. The hunted become the hunters. Just, they didn’t kill anyone. Because they are the good guys. Or Sam said, the guys who once saved the world. And that of course contrasts them also to the British MoL. Sam and Dean didn’t kill the men who were after them because in the end they were just soldiers, doing their job, who didn’t know better. They might have been misguided, they would have kille the Winchesters, but they were not evil. But to the British MoL they are a mess Mr. Ketch once again needs to clean up.

They was also a contrast between agent Sanchez and big shot anti terroism guy. Sanchez acted like he almost had a personal vendetta against Dean. But I really liked bsatg. He doesn’t believe in torture for one thing, and I’m glad the show didn’t go there again. We had enough of ot in the season opener. And he was right that what the Winchesters would bring down was the solitude and the nothingness. Though I’m still not sure if 6 weeks of it are worse than 40 years of hell. 

I’m still kinda sad the show missed the opportunity to introduce some kind of x files here. I almost thought that bsatg knew the truth about Sam and Dean and helped them escape. Or that there was some sort of warding in the cells, that would keep them from doing prayers. But we go there later. 

Also, I never liked the term “leader of the free world”, but right now I can’t help to see the bitter irony of it, as Trump does everything to make the world less free. 

**The British MoL**

Man, I love “Ghost Town”, and for some reasons I always think this song is incredibly British, so it kinda fitted to hear it with Mr. Davies. Also, the typewriter: nice Fringe reference. So, the British MoL try to recruit American hunters. And I think recruit is the right word here, because what they want them to become is essentially good little soldiers, who do their job and don’t ask questions (sounds familiar? And isn’t it ironic John was originally meant to become a men of letters?). But as it turns out, Americans don’t like to work with others. I think at the time right now this was intented to be seen as a political statement. Also “You’re surly, suspicious. You don’t play well with others” sounded like they just described Bobby. 

It is interesting then that Mary seems to be willing to work with them at the end of the episode. She knows about their resources, she witnessed how easy it was for them to help Sam and Dean, when for 6 weeks she and Cas could do nothing. And she mentioned she had contacts with law enforcement back in her days as a hunter, so she is familiar to work together with help from outside. We know from season 6 and Samuel Campell that the Campells worked way more professional than the Winchesters did/do. They knew about stuff like a cure for vampires and seemed more organized. Then again the whole family had been hunters for generations, so this had probably evolved naturally over time. I think there was also some speculation some time ago if the Campells were one of the elite hunters the MoL worked together with before they got wiped out. Mary believed them to be a hunter’s myth, but maybe they just never told her. Point is Mary has a different hunter background then Sam and Dean, which is why she considers to work with the British MoL. She is in that regard more like Sam, who seemed to consider working with them as an option as well. But it really seems to me like this might be a deal with the devil, which kinda makes it ironic Mary refused to work with Crowley.

And at last: Mr. Ketch didn’t know the Winchesters were up against Lucifer. The special egg he gave them was against any form of possession, demon or angel, but what if an archangel was one of the few things where it didn’t work a hundred percent? Just like the Colt could almost kill everything, but no archangels. I think the POTUS is devil-free, I’m just not willing to believe Lucifer is reeally gone (as in back to hell/the cage), and Mr. Ketch might know this. 

**The Winchesters**

Well, mostly Mary. The more we see of her, the more I fall in love with Sam Smith tbh. Anyway. We first see her back in Lawrence, which kinda makes sense, as she lived there, had her home there (that still excists… did she visit it?), but also wouldn’t there be people who remember her and regocnize her? But then Cas calls her, proofing once again he is not a man of many words. I didn’t like Mary blaming Cas for what happened, when it was clearly the fault of the bad writing of the dreaded duo in 12x08. She later apologizes, so there is that at least. 

It’s nice the show didn’t forget about Alicia and Max and that appreantly Dean gave them his number (where are all the Dean/Max fics?) and they ask for help. It is the first connection to 12x06. And Mary just picks up where her sons left off, takes over their responsibility. It is a nice twist when it comes to a legacy in a way, with the mother continuing the work of her sons, when it is usually the other way around. It also yet again shows us why hunters hardly ever get out of the life: because the evil is still out there. And they still feel responsible for it. Because if they don’t kill the monsters who will? And sure the world didn’t end just because Sam and Dean were no longer there, but innocent people still died. They might have saved the world a couple of times as well, but what they do on a everyday base is so important as well, and this episode just reminded us of that. They make the world a better place every day. They save it every day. 

I liked the way Mary and Cas worked together, and it would have been great to see him accept her offer to hunt together. But [Dabb promised us more of Mary and Cas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Flinkis.com%2Fmashable.com%2F2017%2F01%2FOo1Ak&t=NDMyYjBmNjYxMzZlNDg4NGM3NGU0MWYzOTE5ZWE4Y2E5ODhmMjEzNCwyTTNwZUUzaw%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F156459959057%2Fthoughts-about-spn-12x09&m=1) this season, with Cas becoming Mary’s (only) friend, so we might see them as a hunter duo in the near future. Fingers crossed.

And this brings us to the heaviest emotional scene of the episode. I was kinda right with [my speculation](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/156184007272/see-no-evil-thoughts-speculation) about it. Mary was willing to sacrifice herself, saying goodbye with her “I love you”, with Sam and Dean witnessing it. And Cas kinda talked her out of it. This is the second connection to 12x06. Not only because Billie reappeared, but as it continued the theme of Mary feeling suicidal. In 12x06 it was clear she felt like she didn’t belong, and she was wondering if it wouldn’t be better if she died again, restoring the natural order again. Here she seems to be at peace with her death as well, as if she accepts she shouldn’t have come back in the first place. Of course we have to see her sacrifice in the context of doing this so her sons would live. It is the ultimate sacrifice, based on the uncondional love of a parent to their child. And of course we have seen it before. In 1x01 Mary died protecting Sam. In 2x01 John died saving Dean. So it is up to debatte if Mary really wanted to die, or if she just did it out of love. But after 12x06 it is the second time we see Mary considering dying again. So I think there is a fair chance this theme pops up a third time, with either Mary dying or (hopefully) declaring once and for all that she keeps on wanting to live.

As for the other Winchesters (Sam & Dean): of course they made a deal. In case of emergency make a deal. Of course it would have resulted in one of them sacrificing themselves. And you can bet they would have fight which one of them should die, with both screaming “me, me”. I’m glad we didn’t get there. But with Dean’s voice over from 12x06 (Dabb really liked that episode) in the “Then” segement, saying people like them don’t live to get 90, we are once again reminded they don’t believe in their own happy end. Which makes the end of this episode even better. Speaking of.

**Castiel**

Now, I hate to say this, but this is the part that bugged me. Not Cas per se (never Cas), but how the episode treate/portrayed him. Because seriously did they forget he is an angel? I’m all for human!Cas and hunter!Cas, but so far he is neither. And I can’t believe that Cas with all his powers, like telling people what to do as demonstrated in 12x08, couldn’t gain more information. It feels like they needed to create a situation where they had to ask the British MoL for help, and the only way to do so was downplaying Cas’s powers. I’m also not willing to believe Cas would have been such a failure as a hunter. His people skills aren’t that rusty anymore and I dunno, don’t have angels other powers to track down monsters? If anything I think this is a big build up to Cas current arc where he asks where he belongs. Without Sam and Dean he just falls apart. And yet, he won’t hunt with Mary. And after they are all reunited (and all the hugs… seriously I loved this so much), he looks at Mary and her sons and once again it looks like he feels he has no place in this family. And yet it was Cas who Dean immediately called after they got out. Though I wonder why Dean called for Bilie but didn’t pray for Cas? Because he knew it would have been of no use, as he didn’t know where they were and Cas had no means to locate them? Still, we can bet there was a lot of longing. And it kinda messes again with the whole reapers are angels thing. If all angels lost their wings in the fall at the end of season 8 why could Billie still appear in the cell? Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut, going back on the Destiel train (as if I ever left), probably my favourite moment in the episode: the way Dean looked at Cas in the car right before Billie appeared, because he knew it might be his last time. Be still my beating heart. (Also Dean and Cas casually sitting in the back of the car, ~~secretly holding hands~~ )

And then Cas kills Billie and breaks the deal, and guys this is so huge. Because we have this long tradition/pattern of Winchesters making deals and sacrificing themselves for each other and Cas just won’t have it anymore. He rips up the pages and burns the whole script, so to say. And just:

> _What had to be done. You know this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won’t let any of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me, to everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You’re welcome._

He chooses them. They are his family. They are his everything. Cas might wonder where he belongs, but he just answered this to himself. To them. His family. *cries*

Also: “Make your voice a mail.” That is all.


	13. “I’m glad to be with you, here at the end of all things.“

**“I’m glad to be with you, here at the end of all things.“**

People smarter than me have probably written about this already, but I’m way behind on my dash, and I just want to write this down. I’ve seen some discussion about 12x09 and the reason Dean called Cas (twice!) after their escape from prison, and nobody else, especially not Mary.

Now, first of all this is not a competion who Dean and Sam love more. At least not to them. From the other side though it is in a way. Cas’s and Mary’s emotional arc this season works as a parallel: both feel like they don’t belong into the life of Sam and Dean. Both feel the other does. For Cas Mary has more right to be in this family because she is their blood. She is their mother, the one person they missed throughout their whole lives. For Mary it is the other way around: she sees the way Sam, Dean and Cas interact with each other, that they have a history together (that she is missing with her sons), that they have a familiarity with each other that she yet tries to achieve. And the events of 12x09 confirm this to her again. First when she asks Cas why her sons didn’t ask for help when they were battling Lucifer. And then again when Cas calls her to tell her that Dean called him. Twice they called Cas for help, not her. 

So why did they call Cas and not Mary? For one thing because their relationships with Cas and their mother are fundamental different. The other reason I would argue is that they didn’t call her out of love. They knew one of them would die. And they didn’t wanted their mother to witness it. Because what is the hardest thing that could happen to a mother? To lose her child in front of her own eyes. 

So why did they call Cas then? After all witnessing one of them sacrificing themselves would be hard on Cas as well. But then again, as I said, their relationship to Cas is different than to Mary. Cas is their brother, but more so their brother in arms. He was there when Sam sacrificed himself at the end of 5x22. He was willing to go with Dean when he was about to sacrifize himself in 11x23. Because Cas understood the necessity of those sacrificies. They didn’t expected him to break their deal instead. 

I’ve also seen a lot of people agreeing on the fact that it would have been Dean who would have given his life, and I agree with that. So having Cas around would have also recreated the situation of 11x23: Sam on his own, with Cas to be there to take care of him. Two times now (and both written by Andrew Dabb) a sacrifice was prevent from happening. And given that a Winchester sacrifizing him- or herself is kinda the formular of the show, I think Dabb, just as Cas, rips up the script and tries to write a new story instead. And I for one am happy about this development.


	14. Like an old married couple

**Like an old married couple**

 

[Originally posted by weallneedcastiel](https://tmblr.co/ZEJTdq2HwoUPb)

So, by now everyone has seen the sneak peek for the upcoming episode, 12x10 (if not, [watch it here](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dl6wlWR_uTqI&t=Mjg2NzgwYmMwNDEzYWQxMTI0MTg2ODcwNTBhYWExNjQ5NzliNDExYSxVdnNiQjJFaw%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F156732049142%2Flike-an-old-married-couple&m=1) in all its glory). 

And we all yelled: OMG, THEY JUST ACT LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE!!!!

The whole silent treatment thing, the pouting, right? Except, we have seen Sam and Dean act like this before, right? Because this is how brothers fight, right? And Cas is like a brother to Dean, right? Right. Or not.

**Exhibit 1: The Dabb**

Dean said Cas is like a brother to him, he said so in 11x23. But:

> _“Sam and Dean are his [Cas’s] family and he’s extremely bonded with them, but the connection Sam and Dean have is not a connection that Cas can have with either of them because they’re brothers, they grew up together.”_ [[x](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Few.com%2Ftv%2F2017%2F01%2F19%2Fsupernatural-showrunner-sam-dean-future-season-12%2F&t=NmJjMzY3OWEwMDQ3MjUzYWM4M2I3ZTVjOGU4YTY2MTBiODg4YmRlNyxVdnNiQjJFaw%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F156732049142%2Flike-an-old-married-couple&m=1)]

Dean might think of Cas as a brother, yet his relationship to him is different than his relationship to Sam. They are brothers in arms, not in blood. (And similiar to this Mary might be his mother, but they are lacking the natural development of a mother-child-relationship because she wasn’t around for almost all of his life, and trying to force this kind of relationship is what caused them all their current problems.) They are something else together, though neither the show or Dean has named it yet. 

**Exhibit 2: Jesse and Cesar**

  


([source](http://itsokaysammy.tumblr.com/post/143511009487))

Dean misidentifies an actual romantic relationship with a relationship between siblings. And that is because Sam and Dean are close in a way most siblings are not. In its most ugly form it is codependent and doesn’t allow relationships outside their brotherly bond. Though the show adressed it in recent years and portrayed it as the negative thing it is. It is also the reason the show throws in the occasional Wincest joke. Because people from the outside see how close Sam and Dean are and immediately think they are a couple. Because their intimicy makes more sense to think of them as a couple than to think of them as brothers. To Dean though his closeness to his brother is the standard. He thinks everyone is just as close to his family as he is. Which is the reason he assumes Jesse and Cesar must be brothers, when in fact their bickering is based on their closeness as a (married) couple. And I think it might have opened Dean’s eyes in a way. He sees two adult men hunting together, and being close to each other and his instinct reaction is: they must be brothers. Just to learn that there is another option for two men to act like this around each other. Because you know

[Originally posted by matthewmurdock](https://tmblr.co/ZUZwRo2GvwRxo)

In conclusion:

The show presents to us two options why people fight like this:

1\. they are brothers/siblings

2\. they are an actual married couple

And Cas is not a brother to Dean, at least not like Sam. You do the math.


	15. Thoughts about Spn 12x10

**Thoughts about Spn 12x10**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

I have a lot of feelings about this. Also Steve Yockey might be my new favourite writer next to the Dabb and Bobo Berens. So, let’s take a closer look at this.

**Lily Sunders**

First of all, I really like the way this character was portrayed. And that they didn’t made her into a monster, but instead told us her story, her real story, and through that made us understand why she wanted revenge. And it’s a very legitime reason. Which creates a moral dilemma for Sam and Dean here. Because they get it, and if it wasn’t for Cas they might have didn’t intervene and let Lily get her revenge. So their approach is yet again a non-violent one. They try to talk to her, reason with her. After deciding not to kill the soldiers in 12x09 because they were just doing their jobs and Dean solving the Amara-Chuck-conflict in 11x23 through talking, this becomes a theme. 

But Cas is their family. And when they met the other angels from Cas’s old flight and he tells them the reason why Lily wants to kill those angels they are painfully reminded of the way Cas used to be. Still, I think the way Sam and Dean cared so obvious about Cas and tried to help him and reason with Lily might be one of the reasons Lily didn’t kill him. She knows through Akobel that not all angels are bad. And speaking of Akobel: he was such a strong Cas parallel. An angel whose mission it was to observe humanity but instead he fell in love with a human. So Lily recognizes the same kind of devoution Akobel had for her with Sam and Dean and knows that Cas must have changed. 

I also think that Lily worked as a parallel for Sam. Both believed in angels all their life, but when they finally got in contact with them they soon realized how evil and conflicted they can be. Both are associated with magic - Lily used it to give her strength and youth, Sam is usually the one who comes up with spells. And just when we think, hey Enochian magic sounds cool, we lern it comes with a prize: losing your soul piece after piece. And well, Sam knows a thing or two about losing your soul (and of course Lily lost an eye in the process - they are the windows to the soul after all). 

**The angels**

I’m always so excited when we meet new angels, because we kind of never know what we get (good guy or bad guy?) and we still learn something new from them. 

So, let’s talk about Benjamin here. We first see him playing “Rampage”. According to Wikipedia its a play about monsters (who were formerly human) trying to survive against military forces. Sounds familar? Angels are described as monsters in this episode, taking a formerly human vessel, trying to survive on earth. And speaking of vessels: I think this the first time we heard of an angel thinking of its vessel as a friend. (And the way Cas said friend it kind sounded like more than just a friend???) Normaly angels don’t seem to care a lot about their vessel. In seson 9 we saw countless angels taking whatever vessel they could get, even it kille some of the humans. The only other angel who cared about her vessel was Hannah. (And Cas in a way, but since Jimmy was already dead, he tried to redeem himself towards Claire.) Cas also reminds Dean that Benjamin was no woman, but his vessel was, and I think it is fair to assume angels are indeed genderless. But this tells us a lot about Dean, who humanized Cas since the beginning, and always applied a gender to him. (*shippergoogleson* Which makes his attraction to Cas so complicated because he sees Cas as a man, when in fact he isn’t, and not a woman as well, or even human *shippergooglesoff*) Also kudos to the show for showing us Cas in a female vessel. 

Back to the game Benjamin was playing: I wondered a bit about this, why an angel would do this/find enterainment in it. But it kinda reminded me of Cas bingewatching Netflix. Maybe it was a way for Benjamin to distract him as well, a mundane game to fill the void an angel without a mission felt. 

The other angels (well, mostly Ishim) were there to remind us what Cas has done, his standing among other angels, and to question his loyality and identity. I think Cas wants to seperate his (former) angel family and his new family that he found in the Winchesters. Previously whenever he had to deal with angel business he did it on his own. This time though Sam and Dean come along. And despite what Dean said not because they are worried Cas does something stupid again, but because they are worried. They’ve met enough angels and know how they think of Cas to be suspicious. And after all, whatever Cas’s problem is is theirs as well; they are family. 

This of course creates the great conflict of this episode: the question where Cas belongs. Both sides question Cas why he cares about the other. To Ishim humans are beneath him, they are apes. He thinks Cas doesn’t owe Sam and Dean an explanation of what happened or that they should get involved at all. And that whatever bond formed between them weakended Cas (the way Lily weakened him). 

Sam and Dean though don’t get why Cas allows Ishim to talk to him like that, calling him weak and fallen. Cas doesn’t care as long as he is able to might save the remaining angels (because of course in true Cas fashion he blames himself for it and in the end is the only one who shows remorse and apologizes). Though I wished Dean would have told Ishim that Cas has indeed a family and home with them, thank you very much. 

And then we had some great plot-twist with the nephilim that wasn’t a nephilim after all. It was a good way to bring thi topic back, though it never really left. We start the episode with Dean trying to find new leads on Kelly (and could it be that the powers of her unborn child help her to disappear?), and end with the brothers talking about it. But what the episode did was to bring back the moral dilemma of it. We hear Lily’s story and even in the first fake version we feel pity for her and that her child didn’t deserve to die. And is Kelly’s situation any different? Even though an archangels child is more powerfull, at the end it is like Sam said: a mother and her child. So we either go the route of non violent conflict solving again (though the British MoL will disagree) or the nephilim does something bad enough the Winchesters have no other choice than to kill it. They also talk about the mix of grace and a human soul, and that that is what makes the nephilim so powerfull. We know that both things alone - angelic grace, a human soul - contain a lot of power. Combining both is like a nuclear bomb. But we know that angels leave some of their grace in a human vessel when they leave it (Gadreel did so with Sam) and some fans headcanon Cas left some of his grace in Dean when he rescued him from hell. So does the grace mix with the soul in those instances as well? 

But back to Ishim and his obsession for Lily. Though from his side it was love. And that is yet another ongoing theme: false love. We had it in season 11 with Amara confusing her feelings for Chuck with love for Dean, and this season with Rosaleen’s and Lucifer’s false love in 12x07, or the false love of Magda’s mother in 12x04 (and at some point I might write a proper meta about this, because it leads us to the question how real love looks like). If Akobel worked as a mirror for Cas then Ishim does as well, but as a dark mirror. Like I said Ishim thinks his love/obsession for Lily made him weak and thinks the same happens to Cas, when instead Cas tells him his relationship to Sam and Dean made him stronger. Ishim thought of Lily as his human weakness and killed the one person she loved most in the world: her daughter. And he considers Dean to be Cas human weakness and in order to punish Cas he wants to kill Dean. If we see Ishim’s love for Lily as romantic (and I think it was intended as this) it means Ishim thought of Cas’s love for Dean as romantic as well. Also this line: 

> _You know why we’re meant to stay away from them humans? Hmm? It’s not because we’re a danger to them. They’re a danger to us._

Because humans corrupt. They make angels start to question their orders, their existence. They make angels feel. Not just love, but also pain. Lily broke Ishim’s heart, so he broke hers. 

Also, Ishim calls Cas a spanner in the works. Which of course are the exact words Naomi used, so I don’t think this was a coincidence. Did he work for/with Naomi? Lily said he is a big name up in heaven after all. 

And at last that abandoned church was one of the most beautiful sets that had lately. And I think it is intersting that Ishim used a church as a safe house. I feel like there might be some connection between churches and angels: the first episode that mentioned angels (2x13) takes place in a church. They first encounter Anna in a church (I think her human father was a deacon). And human!Cas seeked chelter in a church in 9x03. Someone write some meta about this. 

**The Winchesters**

So Mary is hunting again. This gives the show a good excuse why is not around. And the reason she didn’t ask her sons for help is because she might already work for the British MoL and knows they won’t be happy about it.

Also Dean and Cas give each other the silent treatment and Sam is awkwardly stuck in the middle of it. And let me tell you, I loved every single minute of it (especially the moment Dean stormed into the diner like a jealous boyfriend) . This was such a classic example of [Anger Born of Worry](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FAngerBornOfWorry&t=MjlmNjBlNzY1MTAwZTZkYjU4NjM5MDg2ZWUzMThkZGM1ZjQ5YjllZSx1b0VySmJmVQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F156775007847%2Fthoughts-about-spn-12x10&m=1). For Dean Cas action at the end of 12x09 and his speech are a painfull reminder just how much Cas loves him. And Dean can’t deal with it. Because who is he to deserves such love? To let Cas put himself in such danger just to save him? And what Cas said at the end, that he doesn’t regret his decision even if it costs him his life, made me worried. Because right now Cas really doesn’t care if he lives or not. He cares about the Winchesters and making up for his mistakes. But not about himself. 

And Cas reminded us yet again how special he is. He remembered Lily, unlike Benjamin. He killed Ishim after he realized Lily told the truth. And he was the only one to apologize to her, to show remorse, and to leave his fate to her, given her the decision to kill him or not. 

And that is the reason she didn’t. Because she realized how much he changed. How special he is among angels. If only he could see himself like this as well.


	16. Thoughts about Spn 12x11

**Thoughts about Spn 12x11**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

You know that feeling when you take a nap and wake up three years later? Anyway, finally watched the episode. And it was a good one.

**Rowena/Witchy Witchcraft**

If there is one thing I didn’t like about this episode it were the antagonists. Frankly, I found them boring. Though the spell itself of course was interstering and cruel in a million different ways. I think the most interesting thing about them was their backstory with Rowena. I always like to hear more of her lifestory. And once she has been pictured as a powerless woman, at the mercy of others. She was forced to flee from her home land, to seek refugee in another country/other witches, just to be cast out again (and as I’m writing this her story reads like a political statement… given that Meredith Glynn wrote 12x05 that might not be a coincidence). Also this is the first reminder in this season that the Men of Letters were responsible for the fall of the Grand Coven. This was something I had hoped would play a role before season 12 started, so I’m glad they mentioned it again and that it will be indeed become important again (at least when they have to fight the British MoL they can count Rowena on their side). 

I really like the scene where Rowena confessed in Dean, knowing he would forget about their conversation. It is something Rowena doesn’t allow herself to do, because in her eyes it makes her weak, and weakness is what gets a woman like her killed. But yeah, even she needs someone to talk to. 

Their conversation of course was also about their moralities. She calls Dean a killer right away - and well we know it is true. But she also tells him that whatever horrible things he does he does it for the greater good, unlike her. She does it for power. And after her encounter with Chuck and Amara she wonders if power is the only thing worth living for or if it even satisfies you (because Chuck and Amara are the most powerfull beings in the universe, but in the end they only needed each other, their family… so will Rowena try to make up with her family?). 

Anyway, what is more interesting is that Dean asks her if doing bad things for the right reason is what makes it okay. Does the cause justify the means? And this of course is a question we need to ask herself regarding the methods of the British MoL this season. 

Another interesting spell other than the curse Den got hit with was the one the witches wanted to use on Sam. They wanted to swap his soul with their dead brother’s soul? So would that have mean that Sam’s soul would have lived on, but in another body? I wonder if this is foretelling for something that might happen in an upcoming episode.

Of course Rowena wanted to get her hands on the book, of course Sam saw right through it. I’m still not convinced she didn’t find a loophole to read it anyway.

Also: Rowena’s post its were the best. I’m predicting now the season finale will be 40 minutes of Dean and his grenade launcher.

Also also: finally someone appreciating Rowena’s strong hair game. 

**Dean**

In true Spn fashion the episode started funny but became real tragic very soon. They are the master of [mood whiplash](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FMoodWhiplash&t=NzQ4NjA5MzM5ZmU2ZmQ4ZDQ4NjQxZWFmODRkYmMxOWRhZTBiOGQxOSxCNXB5NjJKMg%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157078869642%2Fthoughts-about-spn-12x11&m=1) after all. 

I think it is quite telling that everyone (the people in town, Sam, Rowena) immediately assume Dean is hangover. Especially from Sam, because he should know his brother better than that.

Anyway, I think the fact Dean woke up with a rabbit only makes sense with the “then” sequence where we see Dean reppulsed by another witch using a rabbit to perform a spell. I think with Dean having killed one of the witches the show might say this time Dean saved the bunny as well (though we don’t know if their kind of magic requires such sacrfices). Anyway, for a moment I thought Dean would take the rabbit with him.

Also, hi Kuma.

The way Dean was all wax poetic about waffles mend there is probably a deeper meaning there and I know [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg) has meta about the meaning of waffles in Spn, that I must read now in all its glory.

We also get yet another reminder that Dean gets older (”You’re not twenty anymore”), yet we see him under the spell acting more and more like a child, which was hilirious until… well it wasn’t anymore. Also, Dean being all defensive about Dory means he had this argument with someone before. 

**I know there are things like contracts that prevented Cas and Mary to show up, and Dean probably didn’t wanted them to worry about him, but Sam not asking them for help was stupid. They could have helped with the witches and/or take care of Dean (also: Mary meeting Rowena *__*).  
**

The whole sequence in the bar looked on the surface like the return of dudebro Dean or Dean falling back to old habits, but I think there was more to it. First of all Dean riding Larry. Like you can’t make this any less gay, even if you try. And then of course Dean having sex with the waitress. Because here is what he says: 

> _First action in I don’t know how long, and it’s like it never even happened. Figures._

Which tells us two things. 1) It confirms Dean very long dry spell. When was the last time before that that he had sex? Not counting his time as demon? It is 9x08. 2) “It’s like it never even happened.” Exactly. Because first of all with only the waitress telling the story it is an unreliable narrator. And despite the question if it happened or not, Dean can’t remember it. For him it is like it has never happened. And I think this is how the show tells us to treat it as well: something that never happened. Apart from that I thought it was important the woman apologized for thinking she took advantage of Dean. This is huge in a show so full of sexual assault and consent issues. 

**There were also a lot of references to old episodes that I really liked (the new writers this season all this, as if they want to let us know they did their homework). There was of course 4x06. Dean mans the flashlight again. After learning what his brother and he do for a living he thinks it is awesome and more so, that they are heroes (and really when has he ever thought of himself like this?). To which Sam says:**  
  
 _If you like greasy diner food,  crappy motels rooms, more than one Apocalypse._  
  
Which sounded a lot like what Dean said in 4x06  
  
 _And that Sam, that is exactly why our lives suck. I mean, come on, we hunt monsters! What the hell?! I mean, normal people, they see a monster, and they run. But not us, no, no, no, we – we search out things that want to kill us. Yeah? Huh? Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We…are insane! You know, and then there’s the-the-the bad diner food and then the skeevy motel rooms and then the truck-stop waitress with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Huh? Seriously? Do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day, every single day? I don’t think so! I mean, I drive too fast. And I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again, a-and I-an-and I sing along. I’m annoying, I know that. And you –you’re gassy! You eat half a burrito, and you get toxic! I mean, you know what? You can forget it._  
  
Also, sirens aren’t all hot chicks. Some of them even come disguised as hot dudes. Ehem. And his exitement that their best friend is an angel. Just kill me now.   


But after the fun part follows the depressing part, as always. When Dean doesn’t just forget the burden his life has brought him, but the good things as well. His family, his friends, himself. That is what is really scary. 

_You know, I’ve seen my brother die, but watching him become  not him. This might actually be worse._

And this is the cruelity of the course. They could have just killed Dean. Or use a simply spell that would have made him forget about the witches but nothing else. Instead his condition gets slowly worse and worse. And Sam is right, this is harder than just killing someone. Because what is the value of a life if you can’t remember it? And it is a punishment for Sam as well. I can only imaging that this what it must feel like for people who lose their loved ones to Alzheimer disease. Silently watching how they disappear, unable to help. 

Dean’s little mantra - My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Uh, Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast–  Cas is my best friend. - is also, as I speculated, from Sam. Now [I already babbled](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/157040124682/mittensmorgul-nerdylittleshit) about the significance of Sam describing Cas to Dean as his best friend, and not his brother, so I spare you this time. 

The end dialogue between the brothers summed up the episode pretty well. How happy Dean was at the beginning, free from all his burden. But that forgetting in the end meant the good things as well, and the significance of their doing, and ultimately Dean’s identity. 

Also, the end montage was an actual piece of art. 

[Originally posted by faramaiofnerdwoodforest](https://tmblr.co/ZUxPGj2IGX3Wj)

(And the promo for next week leaves me worried. Stop hurting Cas 2k17)


	17. Thoughts about Spn 12x12

**Thoughts about Spn 12x12**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

Man, I loved this episode. What a treat. I really feel like the second half of the season is stepping up in its game. Though I think this season had in general some really strong episodes, but towards the end of the first half I got a bit bored. But that is maybe because I think the whole Lucifer-story is done. And yes I know in a way this story brings us back to Lucifer, but in an unexpected and so far quite interesting way.

Before the episode aired we already suspected it would be an hommage to Tarantino (and well, I just saw a couple of his movies and that is years ago, so someone smarter than me please makes a post listing all the Tarantino references). What I expected was a random motw-case told in an unsual perspective/structure. And though we got the latter one, Davy Perez also surprised us with a really interesting case and some new mythology, a Crowley retcon and the return of an old friend. Well played.

I feel like espcially the new writers this season (Perez, Yockey, Glynn) did their homework. They know their stuff when it comes to the mythology of the show, but aren’t afraid to add new stuff (Yockey did this with the angel mythology in 12x10, and here we have Perez giving us new stuff about demons). And unlike some writers who just change the mythology in a way that it fits their story *cough* Bucklemming *cough* they do in a smart way, that doesn’t change the story the way we know it, but adds something to our perspective and makes it more complex. I think this is the advantage when you come to a show that already has twelve years of mythology build up: you don’t need to create something new but rather can go back and add something new to something old. I also feel that the new writers are fandom savvy. Stuff like Cas in a female vessel (or in general Cas’s past) or bringing back the Colt is I think a nod to the fandom. Those are the things many fans yearned to see. And of course there is always a thin line between telling your story and fanservice, but they added these things well enough into their actual stories to say it is just pure fanservice.

But now, let’s get to the actual story (I only remembered half of the title cards and tumblr couldn’t provide me with my need, so there you go).

**Prelude:**

Just as in 12x09 we see one of the British MoL speaking direct to the camera, though it is Mr. Ketch this time, not Mick. This again makes him the narrator of the story in a way, or as others speculated the stand in for the showrunner (just as Chuck was for Kripke and Metatron for Carver). The focus here is right on the storytelling part. Which makes sense because the actual story is told from different perspectives, which is something that I love (and just in general whenever Spn tells a story from a different perspective).

I think there is already plenty of meta about the dinner scene and the waitress and Cas and Dean’s reaction, which I haven’t read because I am awfully behind on my dash, but I won’t go in detail in here. But if anyone thought of it as a “no homo” I just kindly remind them of the giant “yes homo” that we get at the end of the episode. Either way, I like to believe that Mandy wasn’t just into Cas because he is, as I may quote one Dean Winchester, “devastatingly handsome”, but because they both are science nerds who know cheese isn’t a carb. Also, Cas is yet again associated with the sun (a sunrise special for our Mr. Sunshine). And Dean trying to teach Cas how to flirt reminded me a lot of 9x06 and Dean trying to prepare Cas for his date, aka the gayest episode ever. (Also, Cas stop sniffing the waitress)

I’m kinda indifferent when it comes to Wally, mostly because we didn’t know him enough (still he deserved better). I was wrong in my speculation there would be something shady about him. That was all on Mary. And I already expected he wouldn’t make it out alive in this episode, but I thought he would have lasted longer. It was also interesting to see that appearently he never dealt with demons before. I mean they pretty much walked the earth since season 3 (thanks to Sam & Dean) and we are so used to them I thought it was unlikely to find a hunter who hasn’t dealt with them. Also, did Crowley inform his guarding demons not to kill the Winchesters? It doesn’t seem like that.

Bonus: Mary finally using her mom voice. 

 

**The Wounded Angel:**

We start with Cas listening to the radio and it is very intersting what we hear:

 

> **Man on radio:** _Each of us has a time when the physical body dies and we all face God’s judgment in the end. There’s not one of us alive walking on this earthly plane that will not pay the consequence for their actions. The Lord will hold us in the palm of his hand and he’ll weigh our souls. Brothers and sisters, are you worthy?_

This refers to Cas in many ways. He almost dies in this episode. We are again reminded of consequences that follow actions, one might say cosmic consequences. And of course the question if Cas is worthy, which I think the episode answers really well in showing us the love and support of his family.

 **Wally doesn’t seem to be surprised that Mary has two adult sons who are technically older than her, and later she tells him that technically she is her 60s, so I guess he knows her story. I don’t know how common it is for hunters to come back from the dead (because the Winchesters are not the standard), but even then coming back after 33 years is very unlikely. And again this is the same guy who never met a demon before. And who learns that Winchesters never joke when they talk about Lucifer’s child. Poor Wally. (Also “ Keep a lookout. Don’t die.”, you had one job Wally, one job.)**  
  
Of course the demon turns out not be a demon (or at least not an average demon) because that would be to easy. But when Mary saw the yellow eyes I thought for a moment the demon had the special power to make people hallucinate their own worst nightmare (and based on the promo Cas would have seen the Leviathans inside him again).

And of course, of course it is Dean who immediately goes to the wounded Cas. Not surprised at all.

**Mother Mary:**

 

> **Wally:** _“It all sounds swell, but someone walks up to you and offers you something that sounds a little too good to be true? I wonder, what’s the catch?”_

This already confirms that Mary made a deal with the devil when she agreed to work with the British MoL. We already know what the catch is, because the British MoL don’t hestitate to even kill humans if they get inconvenient and kill absolutely everything supernatural, even innocents like Magda in 12x04. And this will bite them in the ass with their angel best friend and the Winchester family tradition to become inconvenient.

Still, the question remains how much Mary is to blame for the events of this episode. We know she thinks she is doing the right thing, but we already know this is how half of the apocalypses started in Spn. Didn’t they get her the collector’s edition of the Winchesters gospels? And I think she knows there is something shady about them, otherwise she would have just told her sons about her working with the British MoL. And Dean even mentions that they almost killed Sam, so Wally might wonder what changed her mind.

 **I think Mary’s way of hunting is rather pragmatic. The good she can do with the help of the British outweighs any kind of consequences (and this again parallels her with Cas: they both have consequences for their actions waiting for them). She asks Sam since when is life about getting what you want. Mary wanted out, but hunters never get out. She wanted a normal life for her sons, but they turned out to become hunters anyway. So what can she do? The best in a horrible situation: saving as many people as she can.**  
  
Entrance the MacGuffin (I think the light was purely a Tarantino reference and the Colt didn’t all of sudden starting glowing). The safe is hidden behind an image of Michael fighting Lucifer (with his lance?). They both are mentioned, the lance and Lucifer even appear. Regarding Mary though I wonder how much she knows about her sons status as the archangels vessels? Does she know that cupids set her and John up just to breed the perfect vessels? How much does she know in general about her sons lifes? In 12x09 Dean mentioned the prison cell was worse than hell and she didn’t blinked so I guess she knows about that as well.   
  
The segment ends again in the barn, this time with Dean and Cas’s dialogue. Dean keeps his distance to a wounded Cas, doesn’t even touch him, which is unusual. Is it because Mary is around?  


**Mr. Crowley:**

Entrance the king of hell and some new shiny mythology. I think the name Ramiel almost sounds like an angelic name. Did Lucifer use it to spite God? Also, all the old demons have names, whereas the average demons seem to borrow their vessels name (Meg) or might keep their human name (Ruby). I wonder though where Crowley got his name from. I bet from Aleister Crowley and our Crowley thinks he is super clever like that. Anyway, princes of hell. Are they above the knights of hell? If so Abaddon believed them dead or otherwise she would have turned to them to claim their rightfully throne in hell. And it explains her outraged reaction after learning the salesman Crowley became king of hell. Because here is the thing: with Lucifer, Lilith and Azazal gone I thought hell had no longer a clear hierarchy, and Crowley used the chaos and made himself king. But… not so much. Planing, scheming Crowley never planed this but it happened accidently instead. Hell, the female demon he had with him almost became queen of hell. And I guess with the title you get the powers but also that Ramiel transfered them to Crowley in a way? Either way, it paints quite a different picture of Crowley. For years I thought of him as the ambitious demon who first made himself king of the crossroads and later king of hell, just to learn he only had luck. That bastard.

So, the lance of Micheal. Kills the bad ones fast and the good ones slow. Of course I thought it would refer to character rather than species (because Cas is anything but good). And just introducing a weapon that could kill Lucifer (and probably his child as well) only to destroy it. I guess it is useless now. But with the return of the Colt we are reminded of all the awesome weapons we had in the show (and that a lot of us fangirled about in the [latest meta challenge](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/tagged/round-7)), but also the disadvantage of a weapon that can kill everything from a writer’s perspective. Because they are just too good to be true, and bring easy solutions instead of conflict. So they either get destroyed or get lost.

We get the confirmation that there are at least two other princes of hell, Asmodeus and Dagon. Ramiel also said Dagon showed an interest in Lucifer’s child, so chances are we might see her this season. I really thought Ramiel would kill Crowley for breaking their deal, and at this point I feel like I’m telling for years now that I think Crowley’s story is done, and with the reveal how he became king it would have been a good end. Also yet another reminder Crowley never underestimated the Winchesters and that is the reason he is still alive. I wonder though if Crowley made another deal with Ramiel. If so it doesn’t seem to matter as Ramiel died anyway.

And that leaves us with Cas, who we first met in a barn and who is now about to die in one as well. *slowlytearsup*

 

 **Something something barn:** (yes, that was the exact title of that card)

*startscryingforreal*

Just everything about this scene was so beautiful.

 

> _“Thank you. Knowing you, it… it’s been the best part of my life.”_

Can you imagine how old Cas is, all the wonders he had seen, he had created, everything about this powerfull alien being and yet, spending what seemed to him only seconds with those humans was the best part of his life. I can’t.

 

> _“And the things that… the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me.”_

Ok, just everybody look at the way Mary looks first at Cas, then at her sons. Thank you for this very ambiguous sentence and giving Mary Winchester something to think about what exactly is the kind of relationship her sons have with the angel.

 

> **_“You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.”_ **

BE STILL MY BEATING HEART. Finally. Cas adressing them as his family. Cas accepting his place in this family. I love you. I LOVE YOU. On this stupid show where we still can count on one hand how many times our main characters have said those words this is so huge. And it is impossible not to see this from a Destiel perspective. Because they immediately cut to Dean after Cas said this. And the way he says it. “I love you. I love all of you.” Because the second part wouldn’t be necessary if he already meant all of them with his first “I love you”. So it is adressed to a single person. I wonder who it might be.

hint: this guy

[Originally posted by sooper-dee-dooper-natural](https://tmblr.co/ZWLrfi2GtZWBW)

 

> _“We are fighting. We’re fighting for you, Cas.”_

And just, it was so important for Cas to hear this. To see his family being with him, fighting for him, risking their lifes to save him. That is the answer to the question if he is worthy.

Another thing: pretty sure her sons told her they killed Azazel with the Colt. So Mary technically knows that thing can kill Ramiel? Why doesn’t she use it? So her secret remains a secret even though her sons are in danger? I doubt it. I rather think, or at least hope that there weren’t any bullets in the Colt, so it was (at least for now) useless. That is the only thing that makes sense for the woman who was ready to sacrifice herself for her sons in 12x09.

If anyone was betting it would be Crowley to save Cas’s life they are probably rich by now. He destroys the only weapon he knows can kill Lucifer to save Cas. And I think it might have been the image of the Winchesters all gathered around Cas, to be with him in his last moments, that made him make this decision. Because deep down Crowley wants such a deep love as well.

I wonder if the grace or whatever it was in Michael’s lance that healed Cas changed him. I recently read some spoilers that Cas would change, some speculated if he would be rebooted again (and forget about Sam & Dean) and for a moment I thought he might did. But for now he seems okay. 

 

**One last thing:**

And the MacGuffin is revealved (that is actually not how a MacGuffin works, but never mind). The Colt is back. Now that it is back they will use it. I just wonder who will be the victim? Lucifer’s child? It didn’t work on Lucifer though. Another prince of hell? Crowley? Cas? Mary?

 

> _“I lost a friend. I almost lost one of my boys.”_

Mary refers to Cas as one of her boys. OMG. We all wondered how Mary would react to Cas, if she might be suspicious about him (hey, I wrote [a fic](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fworks%2F8023084&t=YmQxNzM4ZDgwYzBjNDEwNmFmNWQzY2JiZTY2Y2NiODNhMDRhMzU0NiwyOWp6djBtcA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157373526567%2Fthoughts-about-spn-12x12&m=1) about that), but insted she just adopted him. Or maybe she was just confirmed in her assumption that Cas is her son in law. Either way, I love it. Cas has a mom now.

So Mary threatens the British MoL (and I totally forgot she filed them under “Hobbits” in her phone… Dean is so much her son). I already said they have no mercy killing her whenever they think she is going to become a problem for them.

Everbody and their mother already wrote about that season 12 so far seems like a subversion of season 6 in many ways. Instead of Cas we have Mary now working behind the backs of Sam and Dean. Whereas Cas opens up about his feelings and the three of them (Sam, Dean & Cas) get way better at communication and for once don’t keep any secrets the betrayal comes from a whole different direction. I wonder if the outcome will be the same. I sincerly hope they don’t kill Mary (again). I don’t think Sam & Dean would survive it (and neither would I). In 11x23 Dabb already showed that he wants to go in a different direction than before. Instead of a sacrifice the world was saved through love and understanding and communication. I think Mary will keep her secret for a while, just to create conflict. But that evetually she will come clean to her sons and ask for their help, and not when it is already too late. Please show us that you can to better than in the past show. I’m done with both Crowley’s story and Lucifer’s, so I hope he just stays in his cell and that’s it. I would say I look forward to next week but we get a Bucklemming, so let’s hope for the best instead.


	18. Thoughts about Spn 12x13

**Thoughts about Spn 12x13**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

So… Considering this was a Bucklemming episode, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Of course the last three, maybe four episodes have been among the best of this season, so let us not compare them too much. Like most motw-episodes this one brought the plot along, while also fixing some lose ends and might foretelling how the season might end for some characters.

So, let’s start this.

**Mary**

To me her parts were the most intersting of the episode. There is still so much we don’t know about her and I’m glad the show made her the complex character she is now. Her relationship with Mr. Ketch is kinda creepy. He certainly was flirting with her, but I think his interest in her is because he sees her as the perfect killer. Just the way he is. Like I said, creepy. And his little speech that this is the real her, that the ruthless huntress he has witnessed is the best version of her, was the most interesting to me. A killer, nothing more. Not a mom, no matter how hard she pretends. Which brings us again to season 6 and Dean’s time with Lisa and Ben. Because in the end he leaves them because he thinks he is a killer, nothing more. Not a father. 

**6x06**

> _**Dean:** […]What I’m good at… is slicing throats. I ain’t a father. I’m a killer. And there’s no changing that. I know that now. _

**12x13**

> _**Mr. Ketch:** […] But when you hunt, Mary. You’re one of the best I’ve ever seen. You might play at being the good mummy. But when you’re in the thick of it, nothing but a blade in your hand and blood in the air. That’s the real you. The best you. And I think you know, and I think that scares the hell out of you. _

As season 12 so far has been a subversion of season 6 Mary’s story might end different. It already did in the way she told her sons on her own that she worked together with the British MoL. And I’m really glad she did this, instead of seeing yet another Winchester keeping secrets until everything is too late. Does it hurt her sons? Of course. And they have very good reasons not to trust the MoL. And to be upset about Mary lying to them. But her coming clean to them is the best she could do. 

Apart from the obvious parallel that I already mentioned Mary has been tied to Dean in other ways as well. Both enjoy some magic fingers and pay-per-view. And both are exellent liars. Which is the reason Dean could look right through her lying. And I’m pretty sure it will lead to some serious trust issues. I also wonder if all those Mary-Dean-parallels that we had all over the season serve as a way to foretell Dean’s arc? So far it was brought up to show us how much they have in common, that Dean is a lot like his mother, and again as a subversion of Dean wanting to be so desperately like his father. But maybe whatever will happen to Mary gives us clues to what will happen to Dean as well. We will see. 

And two more things regarding the British MoL: Mr. Ketch sees them as his family. And while telling Mary she should keep her distance to her sons (because it makes her weak) he might offer her that they can become her family as well. With all the different families we have seen this season (and yet alone in this episode) the MoL might be the most interesting. Because honestly? So far I wouldn’t have seen them as a family. They don’t act like one. But it is something we should keep in mind for the future. Second: Will Lady Toni ever come back? Mr. Ketch and Mick are fun to watch, but I kinda miss her. And I still think there is a reason they showed her son. So. I keep waiting.

**The MacLeods**

And the winner for most dysfuntional family is…. surprisingly not the Winchester. I think once Dabb took over he looked at all the lose ends of past seasons and decided to fix at least this one. Because if Doctor Who taught us one thing it is thaz you can’t just change the past without consequences in the present. Or so I think. Anyway, Gavin’s trip to the 21st century resulted in the creation of a ghost and the painfull death of some teachers. Speking of, the teaser was one of the most scariest in a long time. Also, I headcanon the two lady teahers from the girls only school were girlfriends. 

Gavin as a character was kind of underused. He was brought back to blackmail Crowley and now sent back to punish him. He had no real agency of his own, though I think his decision to sacrifice himself can be seen as such. He was a good man, certainly not like his grandmother or his father. Rowena even said so: “ _Fergus, he’s not like us. He believes in things. Let him do what he believes is right._ ” I think both Rowena and Crowley cared about him in some ways, knowing that at least someone good came out of their family. And before the reveal Rowena wanted to bring back Gavin to his time (and his death) I thought she had learned her lesson that sometimes of you love someone you need to let them go and make their own decision. Maybe part of her did it out of that reason. And at least Sam and Dean might see it like this. I did wonder why Rowena was interested in her grandson in the first place when so far she had shown no real interest in her family/her son. Sam and Dean couldn’t know she was interested in him because of her revenge for Oskar, or otherwise they wouldn’t have brought them together. I think it is fair to assume Dean does indeed remember the conversation he had with Rowena in 12x11 and thought that after her reveal that she no longer cares about power she might take interest in her family. Either way, I think we will see some growth/development with Rowena; I don’t think everything about her grandson was faked. 

So, let’s talk about Gavin and Fiona. In true Bucklemming fashion it wasn’t obviously enough to let Fiano die heartbroken on a sinking ship, no she needed to be raped first. Seriously, why do they have to include rape/sexual assault in almost all their episodes? I also wonder if Fiona killed herself because of that before the ship sunk or she died along with everyone else. The reason why she was after teachers especially was a bit clumsy. Anyway. I feel like Gavin’s story here might be a bit foretelling of what is yet to come. He is a man out of time, someone who should be technically dead and who doesn’t fit in in his new time. Upon learning of the consequences of his time travel (the rape of his fiancee, the deaths of innocents) he decides to fix everything in going back in time, sacrificing himself, and to be untited with the one he loved in eternity. I wonder if we see the same happening to Mary as well. Just as Gavin she should be dead and doesn’t fit in her new time. We don’t know of the consequences of her coming back. She still died in 1983, so the past wasn’t changed. But the present/future might still do. And we already saw her almost sacrificing herself in 12x09. Furthermore her spouse is dead, and her dying would mean she would be reunited with him. And with Crowley and Rowena we had family members who had to accept Gavin’s decision to sacrifice himself, just as Sam and Dean might have to do. Of course during Gavin’s return to his time the focus was on Dean, so it might be foretelling for him as well, and this is where all the Dean-Mary-parallels are aiming at. I still hope they find a better way than to kill Mary again. So far the season subverted the shows past way of dealing with this issues, so I hope they do it again. 

Some other things: 

We saw that Fiona was tied to the locket and that the locket travelled with the teachers to their school. But it needed to come back to the museum in order to find new victims? Except for one they all died not at the museum, but the locket needed to return there everytime for new victims. This doesn’t make sense. Bucklemming *sigh*

Dean remembered the year and town Gavin disappeared. One point for smart!Dean, or as I like to call him canon!Dean. 

Also another experience point for witch!Sam.

And at last: the victims were all alive again? Does this mean everyones memory of their murders was rewritten as well? How come the Winchesters still remember? *sigh*

**Lucifer/Dagon/Kelly**

I like that they mentioned Cas, but also how come two angels and one demon could find Kelly but not Cas? He is a smart bean.

So Kelly needs protection. I actually thought her super powerfull child would protect her, because this is kind of a common trope. Also the line that once the child arrives her life will be over makes me more than ever believe that Kelly won’t survive this season. 

Dagon seems pretty cool so far. I hope her power to explode angels won’t come up again (#protectCas2k17). Also gives a new light why Ramiel wanted to kill Cas with the spear instead of just exploding him. Anyway, I wonder why Dagon is so interested in nephilims. Was she one as well? Or made one? There has been some speculation if the princes of hell were fallen angels once. Ramiel at least sounded like an angelic name. Also according to the Wikipedia Ramiel is a fallen Watcher and leader of [_200 angels that are turned into fallen Angels due to their taking wives, mating with human women, and teaching forbidden knowledge_](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FRamiel&t=OWYwNDY3YjQxMzVjOGFjN2MwMzg4NThmN2RhN2RmYWI1YmU4OTAxMiwwb2J5UkZGTw%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157668965457%2Fthoughts-about-spn-12x13&m=1). So the princes could have a history with nephilims. She tells Kelly that her son could save them all. But who? The demons? And from what? The fact that Lucifer seems to be communicating with her is troubling. 

With Dagon we also bring back the theme of stories who became stories: she tells Kelly that names like angel or demon are just labels and she shouldn’t believe everything she heard in sunday school. She paints angels and the Winchesters as the bad guys, but Lucifer and demons as the ones she can trust. Of course with the British MoL we already brought back the topic of a black-and-white-moral, dividing the world in good and bad and how dangerous this can be. Not everything is always as it appears.

And speaking of Lucifer. So there is a reason why he is not in the cage. And why his grace went down the vents. We were meant to be suspicious of this. Still, this is the most stupid Crowley could have done. I mean seriously? This just waits to fail spectecular. The cage is the safest prison for Lucifer. Having him in hell just to have his revenge on him? Crowley should be smarter than this. 

I thought Lucifer might use the info Crowley has a son against him, but with Gavin dead again it is useless. Still, Lucifer knows that eventually Crowley at times gives a damn. also, petition for a sitcom with both Crowley and Lucifer raising their kids as single dads. 

I like the fact they brought back Mark Pellegrino, because I like his version of Lucifer the best (though Misha comes real close). I also like that the show gave us an explanation why he was back in his old vessel. And the fact that they fixed the vessel means he will stay in it without wasting it. Works for me.

Finally, that song in the end montage (”Play with fire” by the Rolling Stones) was utterly familiar to me and here is why: they used it before in 6x22 (”The man who knew too much”). Another call back to season 6. I’m pretty sure smarter people than me have already worked out all the parallels between 6x22 and 12x13, so I won’t do it here. 

Until next week, and if I have seen right the alpha!vampire (season 6, yet again).


	19. Thoughts about Spn 12x14

**Thoughts about Spn 12x14**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

Here we go again. Everyone raise their hands who had some massive Buffy season 4 flashbacks. Good. Then let’s get this started. I have to admit I liked this episode way better than Beren’s 12x07. He is one of the senior writers now, which means he gets the mytharc-episodes. And I think mytharc-episodes are usually a bit harder to write compared to motw-episodes, because they have no real end; they are one part of a bigger story. Berens is one of the better writers for mytharc-episodes (I really liked last season’s 11x06 and 11x14), so I think my dislike for 12x07 was probably more about the whole Lucifer-arc than anything else (not that it was a bad episode, but not my favourite of Berens). 12x14 now focused on the other villian of the season: the British MoL. And because I do think they are way more interesting than Lucifer I liked this episode better. We got a glimpse at their master plan - get rid of every monster in the US. The question remains though: Why? Out of the goodness of their hearts? Or to gain power and controll? We know most hunters started hunting for very personal reasons; many lost someone close to them. That is their motivation. And of course they are hunter dynasties like the Campells were one (though we never heard of another one). But what is the deal with the MoL? Because what this episode tried was to sell their way of working not only to Sam and Dean, but to us as the audience as well. To get us at a place where we at least question if their way isn’t the better one. And where we try to understand why both Mary and Sam agree to work with them. So of course there has to be a catch. Or rather a Ketch. Because I think he was the real villian of the episode. 

But before we get to the adventures of Mary & Sam and Dean & Mr. Ketch, let’s start where we left last episode: Mary coming clean to her sons. The whole exchange was very painful to watch, because a lot of hurtful things where said that were hold back for too long. Right from the start Sam wants to know how long his mother worked with the MoL, so they know now that everything that happened in 12x12 was Mary’s fault. Notice that to Dean the worst part was Cas almost dying, whereas Sam mentions Wally’s death. Priorities. Mary obviously feels guilty for both events and blames herself, especially for Wally. 

The whole dialogue is between Mary and Dean. Sam just listens and Mary only speaks to him after Dean left. I think the reason for this is that Mary never had with Sam what she had with Dean: a relationship, memories to go back to etc. Both Mary and Dean had an image of the other that gets destructed here. Dean is no longer a child. Mary is no longer his mom in the sense that she needs to mother him. That is the source of conflict so far. Mary missing her children, trying to connect them with the adults in front of her. Dean longing for a mother and realising that Mary can’t be this to him. Mary tells Dean that while she is their mother (and always will be) she is not just that. She is also a person, who can make her own choices, who has her own needs, and whose adult sons no longer need her to hold their hands. This is the contrast to the Mary we saw in the opening minutes of 1x01. There she was the picture perfect mother, dying while trying to protect her children, the ultimate sacrifice. Woman are expected to give up everything for their children, and Mary did so while giving her life. We can only speculate now how much Mary back then fit into the role of a traditional mother. We know she still hunted. But the reason she is doing now all those things we don’t expect a mother to do is because technically her sons don’t need her as a mother. They grow up without her, and despite everything they grow up becoming good men. In her absence they founded their own family with people like Cas and Jody and in the past Bobby and Charlie. Maybe Dean longed all his life for his mother, but he also didn’t need her to survive (which doesn’t mean they should kill Mary again… killing her now after they had her back would crush both Sam & Dean). 

And this is how Mary might have justified her actions. Because the blame here isn’t only about working with the MoL, but also about Mary leaving them, something Dean hold back since 12x03. We can’t compare Mary’s absence with John’s, because again Mary left her adult sons, John left his children. To Dean though it is a painfull reminder that she left him before: the night she died. And of course back then she didn’t leave him willingly. But, and that is part of grieving, at times it felt like that. At times he was angry because his mother wasn’t there. At times he blamed her for this, no matter how unjustified it was. Loss doesn’t make sense all the time. And then his mother returned from the dead just to leave him again. And Dean never voiced the pain of missing her for so long. Of missing her again. And the implied accussion that Dean never was a child because Mary wasn’t around, which of course confirms Mary’s worst fear. She wanted a better, safer, more normal life for her children than she had but the exact opposite happened. Though I think it is fair to assume that Mary was raised quite different as a hunter than Sam and Dean. They never had a real home, were always moving and left alone, at times without enough food/money. We know John was an alcoholic and it is at least implied he was physical abusive. The Campells though? They had a home in Lawrence. Pretty sure Mary was able to go to school and had friends. Samuel might have trained her, yes. But given how professional the Campells hunted it was probably a lot safer than the way Sam & Dean learned to hunt. Mary tried to prevent her kids of having her childhood, but in reality Sam and Dean’s childhood was probably much worse. 

And Dean calling Mary by her name instead of mom is another blow. It puts them more in the position of equals instead of a mother-child-dynamic (and given they are both adults it kinda makes sense), but it also makes them to strangers in a way, or at least degrades their relationship. You know, instead of Supernatural this show should be called Superpainful instead. 

**Dean & Ketch**

****As I wrote before I think Mr. Ketch is the real villian of the episode. If you haven’t been creeped out before by him you should be by now. And on top of all his creepiness Bobo also made him a sexist asshole (treating Serena like a maid) to make sure none of us regrets if he dies.

Though Ketch is a MoL as well, he acts more like a hunter throughout the episode. He is the one getting his hands dirty, while Mick and the others in contrast sit in their ivory tower. That might be the reason the show paired him with Dean for this episode. Dean sees himself as a hunter, Sam though, while being a talented hunter as well, always considered himself to be a MoL too (before they tortured him anyway). Ketch again tries to bond with a Winchesters over their apparently similar natures. He told Mary that being a hunter is her best version, that very simply she should cut her ties to her sons and give up predenting she is a mother. With Dean he acts out the same play. Telling him that they both have the need to kill, because they are in the end nothing more than killers, and the MoL offers them enough opportunities to fulfill their needs (did anyone else remind this of Dexter?). And after Rowena in 12x11 he is the second to call Dean a killer, so we see a pattern here. But I think the reson they are doing this is to prove the opposite. In 12x11, where Dean dropped his mask of performing Dean, he was shocked to be called a killer. Because he doesn’t want to be one. 

Does Dean have a tendency for violent behaviour? Yes. Just in this episode his reaction over the fight with Mary was to distract himself with hunting (his need to hit something) and alcohol (and Ketch later offered both). But that doesn’t make Dean a killer. Because he can controll his dark needs. He even did for a long time while being under the influence of the MoC. He still wants a slice of the apple pie life: a home, a family, (romantic) love. The reason he gave it up in season 6 was his believe that he didn’t deserve it, that he was only good at hunting. But he has grown since then. He knows his worth. He knows the person he wants to be like. The way Mary does. She wants to be a mother. Her actions, if you like them or not, are based on her being a mother, of wanting to create a better world for her sons. Dean is a brother, a son, a friend, before he is a hunter. The MoL misinformation isn’t just about the monsters they are dealing with but reading the persons they work with wrong. Ketch thinks Mary’s and eventually Dean’s loyalty will be the MoL because he thinks of them as killers. But their loyalty is to each other because they are family. 

We also learned that Toni and Ketch used to date. Speaking of horror couples. I wonder if Ketch is the father of Toni’s son though? Anyway, it brings Toni calling Ketch a psychopath into new light. Because I don’t think she called him that because her feelings were hurt, but because she knows him best. She knows his true nature. And it frightens her. So if he is the father, does he know he has a son? Or did Toni keep it a secret because of her fear of him? 

We can already see the difference between Dean and Ketch while they hunt down vampires. Ketch wants to torture the female vampire. Dean is visible upset. He knows she won’t talk like that. He also knows that she knows that she is going to die. So he offers her the only thing of value: a quick death. (The other vampire before mentioned that she was weak and gave her blood that was a)human and b) fresh, so I wonder if maybe her nest fed on animal blood or blood donations?)

Two other things:

1) Dean: How did you find us? Ketch: You know you live in a MoL bunker, right?

2) Ketch’s cross tattoo. Does anyone has any ideas why he has it? What is the meaning of it? In the beginning of the season it was to identify him, but that is now obsolute and yet the camera focussed on it. He doesn’t seem to me like the religious type, so why else could he have it? 

**Mary & Sam**

I already mentioned that in the exchange in the beginning of the episode Sam is kind of left out; it was between Dean and Mary. We also only see her writing to Dean, though from a shot of Sam’s phone display we know she texted him as well. From her PoV though Dean seems to be more her focus. Still, it is Sam she asks to visit her, thinking she might has a better chance to explain herself to him than to Dean. 

In the headquarter of the ~~Initiative~~ MoL we see a lot more of how the MoL works and why ~~Buffy~~ Mary agreed to work with them. I wonder though if we will see the old man by the end of the season. (And the last character the show refered to as old man? Benny’s maker. Just saying)  He wants to recruit the Winchesters because he believes the rest of the American hunters will follow. Do they though? I’m still not sure what the reputation of the Winchesters is among other hunters. We learned in 12x06 that they tell a lot of stories about them. But Sam and Dean kickstarted also an apocalypse or two, so. Anyway, the MoL seems to have a problem to recruit elite hunters, the ones they used to work with in the old days. It seems like a lot has changed. Mary of course comes from a) another time and b) a hunter familly, who already worked much more professional than most hunters we know, and more similar to the MoL (and I still like to believe the Campells were among the elite hunters who used to work for the American MoL). Most hunters though prefer to work alone/with partners and not to be bossed around by some British Lads. Figures.   
  
Characters like Pierce then seem like yet another fooder the way Wally was (don’t trust him though, he is a toaster). It gets sadder then when we learn Pierce was only there as a spy, secretly working for the alpha vamp.   
  
If the MoL in this episode tried to sell themselves they did a poor job. Of course Sam is impressed to see how they killed vampires. And it is interesting to see the way MoL compares vampires to criminals. The hunters they are exactly that, and they kill the ones who stepped out of line, after the harm is done. To the MoL though they are terrorists. They generalize all vampires and they kill them before the harm is done. The show though has shown us more than one example of vampires who acted against their nature, who fed of animals or blood donations in order to kill no human. Or in other words trust Bobo Berens to make a comment on Trumps muslim ban in a CW genre show. But then everything that happens after the vampires start hunting them shows how utterly unprepared they are. Serena, Alton and Mick have no experience in hunting. They don’t have enough weapons/don’t carry weapons with them. The security guards either don’t seem to be prepared for an attack (when Mary and Ketch returned they didn’t even get the holy water/silver knife treatment). The headquarters aren’t build for defense. It seems like the MoL was arrogant enough to think the monster they hunt wouldn’t hunt them back. **  
**

Then again we have yet another example of the Mol’s misinformation. They didn’t know the alpha vamp was back in the US. They didn’t know Pierce was working for him and selling them out. 

Speaking of the alpha vamp: I think he was only brought back to bring back the Colt to use and to learn that yes, it works on alphas. Still, his indifference towards England made me laugh (sorry, not sorry to all my British followers). 

The Colt though. Again the MoL don’t know as much as they claim to know, in this case how to make new bullets. But the real reason it was brought back was to see Sam falter, as he realized his mother lied again or at least didn’t tell the whole truth. That Ramiel was right when he accussed them of stealing. And that she risked the life of her sons for the Colt. 

Seeing the Colt in action again was really cool. I also knew that Sam wouldn’t have let Mick die and only pretended to fight to get the bullet, I didn’t need those flashbacks to confirm it. Stuff for the less obssesive GA though. 

Sam’s conversation in the beginning with Mary and at the end with Mick (who now seems way more sympathic than Ketch) are full circle. In the beginning Mary tells Sam the reason why she works with the MoL: to make the world a safer place. To give her sons the chance to live a normal life. Sam tells her that he choose this life (as a hunter). And while this is true Mary reminds him that once upon a time he was out, he was at college, and that she knows the reason he went back (not only Jess’s death but the feeling of responsibility that prevents most hunters from getting out). With the resources of the MoL though Sam again sees a chance for a real change. Sure they were unprepared this time. But with both the resources of the MoL and the Winchesters combined they could do a lot of good. Or so he hopes. Experience tells us it will end bad. And I wonder if Dean is willing to work with them now that both Mary and Sam are in. I doubt it. 

Speaking of Dean: One life-threating experience and he is ready to forgive his mom. Sure it is nice to see him accept her as an adult who can make her own choices, but I felt the conflict solution here a bit flat. 

Until next week with Cas praying (does he turn to heaven for help again? I hope not) and Dean in glasses. Yup.


	20. That isn’t love - False love as a theme in season 12 (and what it might mean for Mary)

**That isn’t love - False love as a theme in season 12 (and what it might mean for Mary)**

After the otherwise mediocre 12x13 I’ve seen some discussion on my dash about both Mary’s use of the words “I love you” and “family”, and how in the context of her betrayal they felt wrong (the posts in question can be read [here](https://k-vichan.tumblr.com/post/157820315409/inconceivable) and [here](http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/157842448615/nerdylittleshit-mittensmorgul-so-i-was-just); also tagging [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg), [@elizabethrobertajones](https://tmblr.co/mgG_5cqPDBqPGN1DslU_e6Q) and [@k-vichan](https://tmblr.co/m4FImMInGlX_QoCekzgv66w) because this might be of interest to you). This reminded me of a theme I have noticed during season 12 and that I wanted to write about for a while now: false love. Turns out in this case it was good I was to lazy to write it earlier because with a couple more episodes under its belt it is clearer now where the season might be headed with this theme.

But before we look at season 12 we have to (shortly) look back at season 11, where the theme with false love started, represented by Amara’s bond with Dean. All through the season the connection between them was an important theme and made us wonder what exactly it is between them. Right from the start Amara told Dean that they are bound and that they are unable to hurt each other, which is proven numerous times during the season. Whenever Amara is near Dean he is under her spell, unable to control himself. The bond between them becomes the notion to be romantic after 11x09, when she kissed him. But she also tells him that she can’t be resisted and wonders why Dean doesn’t want to become one with her. It is very clear that her hold on Dean, his inability to resist her, is the very reason the bond between them can’t be defined as love. Dean has no choice when it comes to her, he can’t give consent. He even says so in 11x13.

 

> _**DEAN:** Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run her [Amara] through. Send her back to that hole she crawled out of. But when I’m near her, I don’t know. Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that. _

It isn’t until 11x23 though that it becomes clear why Amara was so fascinated by Dean, why she wanted to consume him and become one with him. Because in the end it is clear that Dean was nothing more than a stand-in for the one she really loved, the one she wanted back: her brother Chuck (see also the million parallels that have been established between Dean and Chuck in the later half of season 11). **  
**

 

> _**DEAN:** You don’t want to be alone. Not really. I mean, hell. Maybe that’s why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn’t really want me… ‘cause I’m not Him [Chuck]. _

Amara confused the platonic love for her brother with a romantic love for Dean. In the end she assumed that what was missing in Dean’s life, the void he felt, was a missing family member as well, his mother, so she gave her back to him.

Even though Dean’s bond with Amara has been painted as romantic, as one of love and desire, her actions showed that she had no real concept for (human) love. And Dean’s response clearly showed that he didn’t love her in return. Even then I wondered if this representation of false love was meant to show us the difference to real love then. And it is interesting that the only time we saw Dean breaking free from Amara’s hold was 11x06 when Sam was in danger and in 11x18 when Cas was in danger, both people he actually loves and cares about.

The theme of false love continues in season 12, with numerous examples in the motw-episodes. Again I feel they serve to show us the difference when it comes to real love. Unlike other seasons though I feel that in season 12 it is neither Sam or Dean who carry out the emotional arc, but rather Mary and Cas. Both start the season at a similar place: they wonder where or if they belong in the Winchester family, that is in Sam and Dean’s unit. Both think the other has more right to be there. For Cas it is because Mary is their actual blood, their mother. But Mary recognizes the history between Cas and her sons, the way they act like a family around each other, a family by choice. Which is why she calls Cas one of her boys in 12x12: if Sam and Dean are her family then so is Cas.

This question of belonging is tied together with the question how each member of the family (Sam, Dean, Cas & Mary) define “love” and “family”. Whereas Cas’s arc seems (temporarely) resolved by 12x12, Mary’s arc continues. But before we get to those characters in specific, let’s take a closer look at the examples of false love we had this season.

**12x04:**

Right after Mary’s first “I love” to her sons in 12x03 (while saying goodbye) we visit the Petersons. They are a very religious family, who live off the grid. We are meant to believe they let her daughter Magda die, after she was ill with pneumonia and they refused to see a doctor, leaving her daughter’s life in God’s hands. As it later turns out they actually held her as a prisoner because she was a psychic who couldn’t controll her powers (and did by accident hurt/kill innocents). After Sam found out about it Gail, the mother, tries to poison her family, believing this was the only way they could stay together as family, entering heaven together. None of these actions are acts of love, even though Gail claims the opposite. It is worth noticing that the false love here is represented by a mother and her daughter and that Sam of course is heavily paralled with Magda.

**12x05:**

After telling Sam and Dean about his father’s plan to bring back Hitler to life Commandant Nauhaus orders to let his son Cristopher to be killed. Another parent is willing to kill its child, after the child failed to fit in their worldview.

**12x08:**

The whole relationship between Vince (now possesed by Lucifer) and Rosaleen has been messed up from the start. Rosaleen claims that she always has and always will love Vince, despite actually knowing him. She is in love with the image he created as a rockstar, the persona he acted out in public life, not the man himself (which is why she can’t tell that something is wrong with him). Lucifer realizes what her love actually is: devotion. And in his twisted way he asks her how far she is willing to go for him.

 

> _**VINCE/LUCIFER:** How much do you love me? What would you do to show me? […] Would you bleed? _

But Lucifer doesn’t care about humans, he never did. He realized that (rock)stars are the new Gods these days, but what he wants from them is not real love but self-sacrifice, to see how much power he has over them. The only love he ever felt was towards his father, who (assumingly) loved his creation, humanity, more and cast him down. Even after their reconcilation in season 11 God left him again, making Lucifer believe that his words had no real meaning if he doesn’t act like it.

 

> _**VINCE/LUCIFER:** […]He [God] needed my help, and he’d say anything to get it. His words, your words, they mean nothing. Don’t you get it? This is all meaningless. Heaven, Hell, this world. If it ever meant anything, that moment is past. Nothing down here but a bunch of hopeless distraction addicts, so filled with emptiness, so desperate to fill up the void… _

**12x08:**

Another time Lucifer, this time as President Rooney, uses the love of a woman for his own needs. We can assume that Kelly, unlike Rosaleen, felt genuine love towards the President. This makes the betrayal of trust and consent Lucifer commits even harder. Kelly believes at first her pregnancy is an act of love, whereas for Lucifer it is yet another way to gain power and controll. But even after finding out the truth about her child Kelly refuses to let anyone harm her/them, making it seem that her motherly love is as real as her love for her partner was.

**12x10:**

In this episode we see various examples of relationships between humans and angels. Whereas it is clear that the love between Benjamin and his vessel, Akobel and Lily/humanity in general and between Cas and the Winchesters (but especially Dean) is genuine, the love between Ishim and Lily wasn’t. It is this false love that leads to the murder of a child, that sets Lily’s plan for revenge in motion.

 

>   
>  **LILY:** Ishim, what have you done?  
>    
>  **ISHIM:** Oh.  What have you done? I shared all of our secrets with you, taught you all of our ways for your precious studies. I… I loved you.  
>    
>  **LILY:** You didn’t love me. You were obsessed with me. That isn’t love.  
>    
>  **ISHIM:** I loved you. You threw me away for him [Akobel].
> 
> _[…]  
>  _
> 
> _**ISHIM:** No. You broke my heart, Lily.  Now I’m gonna break yours. _

The love, or rather obsession, Ishim felt for Lily wasn’t returned. Throughout the show of course the question was aked several times if angels are meant to love, to feel. In 7x21 Dean tells Kevin that he thinks angels aren’t mean to care, that if they do it breaks them (seeing as Cas was “broken” back then). As early as season 4 we learn that among angels emotions are seen as doorways to doubt (4x16), leading to questioning their orders. In 10x07 Hannah gave up her vessel, as she realized the (human) emotions don’t belong to her and that angels aren’t made for them. In 12x10 now we learn that the most sacred oath for angels is not to lie with a human. Ishim tells Cas that is not the angels who are dangerous to the humans, but the other way around, as humans compromise angels.

And yet we have seen that angels are capable of real emotion, of love, towards humans. The most clear example on the show is the relationship between Cas and the Winchesters. In this episode alone we see them acting like a family, trying to protect each other, or in other words acts of love. Seeing these acts gives the words of Cas’s love declaration in 12x12 then more weight.

**12x13:**

The last example of false love, this time between Rowena and Crowley. After sending Gavin back to his time (and to his death) we learn that Rowena didn’t act out of love (because sometimes loving someone means to let them go and accept their choices) but because she wanted revenge for Oskar, the child she loved more than her own son and that she was forced to kill in 10x23. For Rowena loving someone means to be weak; her love for Oskar was used to controll her. In 11x10 she confessed the reason why she hates her son.

 

> _**ROWENA:** I hate you, because if I didn’t, I’d love you. But love… love is weakness. And I’ll never be weak again. _

Rowena’s relationship to Crowley isn’t another example of false love because she never pretended to love him in the first place. But it is yet another example of a dysfunctional parent-child-relationship.

Now what do these examples of false love mean regarding Cas and Mary? I think they are here to illustrate how in contrast real love looks like. Like I wrote before I think Cas’s arc is as by 12x12 resolved. Upon thinking he will die he confessed his love to the Winchesters and accepted his place among their family.

 

> _**CASTIEL:** No, you listen to me. You– Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you, it… it’s been the best part of my life. And the things that… the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you._

Unlike Mary Cas has been around for 8 years and we saw the evoltution of his relationship to both Winchesters. We don’t question if the love he feels is real, because we saw him act on it plenty of times. Castiel earned his place in this family. He earned his right to say these words. And by the way Sam and Dean reacted we know his love his returned.

It might be also worth noticing the last and only other time Cas spoke of love: it was during his time as God at the end of 6x22/the beginning of 7x01.

 

> _**CASTIEL:** […]I’m your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you.  
>  _
> 
> _[Bobby, Sam & Dean kneel down]  
>  _
> 
> _**CASTIEL:** Stop. What’s the point if you don’t mean it? You fear me. Not love, not respect, just fear. _

Unlike Lucifer as a God/rockstar Cas wanted genuine love from his (former) family, not devotion. His actions as God though weren’t out of love though, but based on the misguided believe to know better and to gain power and controll as well. Which is why Sam, Dean and Bobby feared him, but didn’t love him. We have come a long way.

Mary on the other hand is still on this journey. As [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg) noticed she uses the words “I love you” quite liberally. This of course is in stark contrast to how often Sam and Dean (and Cas) use these words: almost never. In season 12 so far we have heard Mary telling her sons “I love you” three times (12x03, 12x09, 12x13) and texting it at least once (12x04). We haven’t heard her sons saying it back though. What is interesting are also the circumstances when she told them.

We hear her first “I love you” in 12x03. She says so after she told them that she has to leave them.

 

> _**DEAN:** Mom, it’s okay. All right? You’re home now._
> 
> _  
> **MARY:** No. I’m not. I miss John. I miss my boys. _
> 
> _  
> **SAM:** We’re right here, mom._
> 
> _  
> **MARY:** I know. In my head. But I’m still mourning them as I knew them. My baby Sam. My little boy Dean. Just feels like yesterday, we were together in heaven, and now…I’m here, and John is gone, and they’re gone. And every moment I spend with you reminds me every moment I lost with them. And I thought hunting, working, would clear my head._
> 
> _  
> **SAM:** Mom…w-what are you trying to say?_
> 
> _  
> **MARY:** I have to go.  I’m sorry. I’m so…so sorry. I just need a little time. I love you. I love you both. _

Mary tells them she has trouble connecting the adult men in front of her with the little children she left behind. She needs time and space to mourn them. The question is then if her “I love you” was directed to the men in front of her (who are still strangers to her) or to the children she once had. Why we wouldn’t question the love she felt for her family in 1983 the question is if she can love her adult sons the same way.  
  
The next “I love you” appears in 12x09. Mary, just as Cas in 12x12, says it as a goodbye, as she is about to sacrifice herself for her sons. We can say that sacrificing yourself is the Winchester way of saying “I love you”. They might have trouble using the “l”-word but they have no problem saying they would die for the other and doing so (and this includes Cas as well). The willingness to sacrififice yourself is what shows us the goodness of a character (Meg redeemed herself through her sacrifice in 8x17) and the depths of their love. Mary of course did already die for her sons, in 1x01. But it is only now after her resurrection that she can fully understand the consequences of the deal she made in 4x03, that not only led to her death, but made Sam to a psychic/Lucifer’s perfect vessel and were the reason her sons grew up as hunters, the very thing she never wanted for them. The deal her sons made with Billie in 12x09 are a result of the lives they have; Mary feels responsible for it. Her sacrifice is based on her guilt. ****  
  
I do think her willingness to sacrifice herself was an act of (genuine) love. It is worth noticing though that the willingness to give up everything (including your own life) for your children’s happiness and safety is a forced way of thinking in our society. Parents, and more specifically mothers, are judged by their willingness to do these sacrifices. Your children always comes first, and if you don’t act like this, you are a bad parent. I think the absoluteness of this way of thinking can be dangerous. Of course John’s constant neglect is a contrast to that (and while his sacrifice in 2x01 came from a place of love as well it didn’t redeem his neglect in the twenty-something years before). But it is important that in 12x13 Mary points out that yes, she is mother, but she is not just that (and her function as a mother is different because her children are adults now).  
  
I think it is hard to place Mary’s “I love you” and her almost sacrifice in 12x09. They come from a place of love. But I think in part her actions are also based on guilt and obligation. In the end it is not Mary but Cas who does the sacrifice, as he is fully aware that breaking the deal and the cosmic consequences might result in his death. Mary says the words and is willing to do the act (of self-sacrifice) but in the end Cas actions and words have more weight.  
  
And this brings us to 12x13. We hear Mary telling Dean she loves him on the phone, after lying to him about her wherebouts. Even more so, the next thing we hear after Mary’s “I love you” is Mr. Ketch telling her she is an exellent liar. This makes us wonder if the “I love you” was a lie as well, or at least an attempt to lull Dean in a false sense of security. Dean “I lie professional” Winchester can already tell after their conversation that something is wrong with his mother and that she might be hiding someting.  
  
The episode ends with Mary coming clean to her sons and telling them the truth about her working together with the British MoL. Upon learning that her mother lied to them for the past few months Dean and Sam question their whole (still fragile) relationship with her mother. Though they don’t say it they might, just as the audience, wonder how real her “I love you”s were. Though we are not only meant to question the defintion of “love” but of “family” as well.

 

> _**DEAN:** So where does that leave us?  
>  _
> 
> _**MARY:** Same as always. Family._

Sam and Dean of course have a long history of defining for themselves what it means to be a family. The most accurate defintion is still the one Dean told Crowley in 10x17.

 

> _**DEAN:** A wise man once told me, 'family don’t end in blood.’ But it doesn’t start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family’s there; for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That’s family. _

The fact that Mary is blood doesn’t make her family (the same way Samuel never became part of their family just because he was blood). Sam and Dean’s love and trust is placed on what little they know about their mother: the way Dean remembers her and of course her sacrifice for her family. They accepted that Mary needed time and space to adjust to everything that has changed since her death. She didn’t acted the way they expected/hoped for, but then again her children don’t need her in the way they did when they were actually kids. They loved her in advance you might say, or based on the same obligation she felt towards them (mothers are supposed to love their children, children are supposed to love their mothers). Her betrayal is what stops this love/ way of thinking. I think both sides have realized by now that “family” and “love” means nothing if we don’t act on it. I still believe that Mary’s decision to work with the MoL comes from a place of love (to create a safer world for her sons, to give them the normal life she always wanted for them). 12x14 showed us that even if they don’t agree Sam and Dean might understand better now why she did it. If anything they realized they have to rebuild their relationship. They have to give their words and actions meaning (the way Cas did). And it doesn’t happen overnight. Instead of clinging to the memories of how their family once was they need to create new memories. I am hopefull that they can still get there. And that in time Mary’s “I love you” will gain the same weight as Cas’s had in 12x12.

**Edit:**

Now that the season is over (for some time) I think this post deserve some update. The theme of false love continues in the season, though I think that by the end of 12x22 Mary’s emotional arc is resolved. Cas though is a different story. But let’s have a closer look.

**12x14:**

We continue the conversation from 12x13. Mary tries to explain Sam and Dean the reasons why she worked with the BMoL, but both refuse to listen, shutting her down. After the history they had with the BMoL Mary’s decision to work with them is, at least in Dean’s eyes, a decision against her sons/her family. She made the wrong choice, then lied about it and with that put others in danger, resulting in Wally’s death and Cas’s almost death. 

Again Mary’s status as mother is brought up. She insists that Sam and Dean are no longer children and that she is more than just a mother. This is interesting as her previous actions (her almost-sacrifice in 12x09) and even her decision to work with the BMoL in the first place are coming from an obligation to act like a mother. In her eyes she is the one making the hard choices and dealing with the consequences in order to create a safer world for her children. 

I think her saying she is more than just a mother is a need to justify her absence. It is true that Sam and Dean don’t need her in the way little children do; she doesn’t need to be around them all the time. She deserves to have a life on her own. The real reason she is on the run though, throwing herself in her work as a hunter, is the guilt about her deal and the life her sons had because of it. She is running away from this conversation.

The next day we see Sam and Dean deal different with Mary’s betrayal. Dean is still angry and refuses to see any other perspective than his own. This is quite a typical behaviour Dean shows every time someone close to him fails his trust (Sam, Cas, etc). Sam on the other hand tries to sees his mother’s perspective and believes that she has to had a good reason for working with the BMoL. It is no surprise then that Sam is the first one talking to her and driving to her, willing to listen.

In the end, after fearing he had lost her, Dean is able to forgive Mary. He accepts that Mary is making her own choices, that even if he doesn’t like them it is no choice against her family. Their relationship is transforming to that of equals, closer to what a relationship between parents and their adult children looks like. It’s a step forward.

**12x15:**

We meet Gwen and Marcus, a young couple in love, with Marcus planning on proposing to Gwen, until he dies. We later learn though that Gwen was about to break up with Marcus, that she no longer returned his feelings, and felt guilty about lying to him. What looks like love turns out out to be false love, because one of them wasn’t honest.

This of course leads to Sam being honest to Dean, after he had lied about working with the BMoL before. And though Dean is angry he is ready to forgive Sam, having learned his lesson with Mary.

We also see Cas talking with another angel, Kelvin. Kelvin promise him that all of Cas’s past mistakes are forgiven and he is welcomed back in heaven if he helps with Kelly Kline. Given the previous treatment of heaven towards Cas this might be another example of false love, or rather the promise of false love. 

**12x16:**

A young werewolf has lost his pack thanks to the BMoL and tries now to create a new pack, including Claire. He ignores her consent, forcing her to eat a human heart. He is desperate for a new family, for any kind of connection, ignoring what Claire really wants. This example of false love has very heavy undertones of abuse/rape.

We actually see the consent discussion though from two different angles. Dean as well tries to decide for Claire, until Claire reminds him that she is the only one to decide about her life. Dean’s emotions are coming from a place of real love and genuine care about Claire; he sees her as a little sister/daughter figure that he tries to protect. But just as he had learned to accept Mary’s and Sam’s choices he accepts Claire’s choice in the end as well.

**12x17:**

Mary and Ketch are a good example of false love. It is clear that what happens between them is just an one night stand for her and complete physical. Ketch on the other side though sees more in her and almost becomes obssesed with her, leading to 12x21 and him controlling her completely. His obession with her is very similar to what we saw earlier between Ishim and Lily in 12x10.

And then we have Mick, a boy without a family or a home until he got in the BMoL. His gratefullness and fear of abadonment leads him to do everything for them, including killing his best friend, without questioning his orders. It isn’t until he meets the Winchesters that he does, but his act of rebellion, finally thinking for himself, ends with him dead. Mick believed the BMoL to be his family, but it turns out they only had use for him as long as they could controll him. 

**12x18:**

The moment the Winchesters realizes their family isn’t so messed up after all. Considering. Dark family secrets are revealled with a family willing to sacrifice innocents for their wealth, until one son stops it, just to have his half-brother start the killing again. This episode is probably more about family and the things we do in the name of family without questioning them. Mick started to question his family, the BMoL, in the previous episode and paid the price for it. The Sheriff tried to ignore his family secrets and had to suffer from the consequences of it. Sam and Dean questioned their family, breaking some of their traditions to create a new way of hunting and leave a different legacy behind. Pete, the one being responsible for the murders, came from a place of unrequited love and a false understanding of family/love. 

**12x19:**

Cas’s emotional arc seemed to be resolved by the end of 12x12, with him accepting his place in the Winchsters family and expressing his love for them. By 12x19 he again repeats past mistakes by lying to them in order to protect them. He also makes clear to Kelvin that this is the only reason he works together with heaven, for the Winchester’s sake, and not the angels. 

Unlike in previous seasons though Dean is not shutting him out, but (even though he is angry) decides to work through their problems. 

This episode then gives us one of the biggest examples of false love: Jack’s manipulation of both his mother, Kelly, and Cas. It is clear that they are both controlled by him. Cas’s actions towards Sam and Dean seem still in character (he doesn’t want to hurt them), but all his feelings towards Jack, his priority to protect him above everything else, comes from a false place. It is possible though that Jack, just like Amara, doesn’t understand the concept of real love. 

**12x20:**

Interesting enough this episode doesn’t question the nature of love so much as the nature of identity. Both Tasha and Alicia die and are brought back as twig-people. They both still have their memories. The only difference is that the witch that created them can controll them. Given that this episode aired right after 12x19 Tasha and Alicia work as a parallel for Cas. All seem on the surface as the same, but they have been manipulated/can be controlled. It might not be a question of identity but rather agency. But if we don’t have agency/free will can we truly love then?

Max is paralled with Dean here, with both of them making a deal to bring back a dead sibling, the way Dean brought back Sam in 2x22. Both of their actions come from a place of love, but neither did the right choice. Dean paid with his life for the deal, burdening Sam with guilt for his death. Max brought back a version of Alicia that is no longer human/can be controlled by him. Which is also quite simiar with Dean’s choice in 9x01, where he overstepped Sam’s agency in order to save his life. 

Hopefully Max and Alicia will return in season 13 and with them the questions of identity/agency/true love. 

**12x21:**

And yet another character is being controlled, this time Mary. In the moments she is clear and remembers what she has done the horror of her actions, of having her agency taking away from her, results in her wish to rather die than being controlled by the BMoL. 

It is clear that within the BMoL love is seen as a weakness. Even though Toni and Ketch were together they were never in love. Ketch insists not to be in love with Mary either, even though he is distressed about what happens to her. 

The power of control the BMoL has over Mary is shown by her turning against her own sons, the only people she truly loves and has a connection to. It is Dean’s worst nightmare coming true, to see his mother like this. 

We end the episode like this:

> **MR. KETCH:** _I do have to hand it to Lady Bevell.  Your treatment’s been most successful so far.  And so you know, this will become easier._
> 
> **MARY:** _Easier to hurt people I love?_
> 
>   
> **MR. KETCH:** _Easier to hurt people you don’t remember loving.  How do you feel?_  
>   
>  **MARY:** _Fine.  I’m fine._

It is a tragic irony that Mary, who struggled so much to connect with her sons and her way to express her love for them, is now losing her ability to love them, even more she starts to forget she loved them in the first place. It also mae me wonder if something similar happened to Ketch himself, that over time he forgot the ones he loved/lost his ability to love, that the BMoL controls him in a way to create the perfect mindless attack dog. 

**12x22:**

This is where I feel Mary’s emotional arc comes to an end. Trapped inside her own mind it is not until she is ready to confront her son, to actually see Dean, that she can break free from the control the BMoL has over here. 

Interesting enough her hiding place in her memory looks quite similar to one of Dean’s memories in 5x16. But in Dean’s memory we saw that his family/the marriage of his parents wasn’t as perfect as his dad remembered it. In the end we saw a young Dean comforting his mother, telling her he loved her, and by that already taking over her role.

Mary’s memory though is the picture perfect family. She completely shuts out everything bad that ever happened to her. Even John isn’t present. She pretends everything is fine, until Dean enters her memory and confronts her about everything she is running away from: her deal with Azazel and the consequences her sons had to suffer from that. 

He tells her everything she doesn’t want to hear: how he had to become a parent, how she left them alone, how unfair it was for Dean to live with this burden. He tells her that he hates her and loves her at the same time, how he can’t help it because she is still his mom. And ultimately he forgives her. 

Mary’s creation in her mind is fake. The perfect family in front of her never existed like this, because even then her family was already cursed with the deal she made. Dean represents the truth. His hate is as true as his love. His forgiveness is genuine. Mary needed to hear all of it: the ugly parts as much as that her family can forgive her. 

It is Dean’s true love that saves Mary, that brings her back and allows her to start all over with both of her sons. 

The seasons ends with both Kelly and Cas controlled by Jack; all of their actions are acts of false love. In the end both of them pay the price for it and die. Even though Kelly gives her own life for her son the way Mary did in 1x01 it is questionable how much of it was her own choice. 

Given that Cas will come back in season 13 it seems his arc can’t be resolved unless he is free of Jack’s controll. Hopefully true love will save him as well.


	21. Thoughts about Spn 12x15

**Thoughts about Spn 12x15**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

It took me a bit longer this time to write my episode review. I was too tired yesterday and spent today catching up on GoT (yes, I am behind on every show except Spn currently *sigh*). But here it is.

Anyway. The episode. Which all in all wasn’t a bad episode, but I think 12x04 and 12x12 were Davy Perez’s stronger episodes. This episode was disguised as a motw-episode but felt to me more like a mytharc-episode, and I general prefer the first. Overall it felt like the main goal was to continue ongoing story-arcs (Crowley & Lucifer, Cas & his search for Kelly) and to introduce a case which would somehow resemble the current conflict between Sam and Dean. And in a way it felt like a list of things that needed to happen in order to continue this season’s arc, which I think is never a grateful job for any writer. That been said, I think Davy Perez did one of the better jobs with this.

So, let’s take a closer look.

**The man in beige**

Starting with Cas’s story, because it was the shortest but also to me the most interesting. I expected to see more of him. It felt that what we saw was simply an introduction for what is to follow. Working the job/being a hunter/pretending to be an agent seems to have improved by now. By his clear preference for the Knowles family though I wonder if his next alias will be agent Blue Ivy. The diner owner he interviewed reminded me of Ronald from 2x12 and given Perez’s past references to older seasons this might be on purpose. Either way the guy was really small and I think they only casted him so that Misha would look tall for once (I mean he is tall, but everyone looks like a hobbit next to Jared & Jensen).

Than we meet Kelvin and pretty face aside, I don’t trust him. Everything he told Cas to get him back to heaven was just too good to be true. He was the complete contrast to Ishim. Telling Cas Sam and Dean have their hearts in the right place (the very same thing Cas said several times) instead of looking down on them. Which reminded me of Mary saying Cas is one of her boys in 12x12 (another Perez episode). Mary accepted that Cas is part of her son’s family (and therefore her family) and Kelvin here at least on the surface accepts that Cas sees Sam and Dean as family. While also painting a picture of heaven and the angels as their true home and family. He acknowledges Cas’s past mistakes but also offers him the promise of a return to his old home, with all of his sins forgiven. It’s a sales pitch of a perfect world, of what Kelvin thinks Cas wants. The same way hunters are promised a perfect world without hunters.

I really feel Kelvin here served as a parallel to Mick, another messenger, trying to recruit soldiers. Which would place Joshua into the role of the old man (welcome back Joshua, by the way). And I already feel shady about the old man, so I don’t trust Joshua here either. They want Cas back because he has more field experience than the other angels. The same reason the MoL needs hunters. They are the ones who get their hands dirty.

I think the reason why Cas accepts Kelvin’s or rather Joshua’s offer is left open. Maybe because he thinks they have better chances to track down Kelly and her (unborn) child with the full force of heaven. Though I think in the end both heaven and the MoL, if they find out about the Nephilim, want the same: to see the child dead. And Cas (and Sam & Dean) already had their doubts about it. The other reason for Cas’s return is the promise to be welcomed again in his old home and family. Maybe he returns for both reasons, maybe only for one or neither, and he has a plan of his own. Storywise though it might mean a final break with his old home/family and to fully accept his new home/family (the Winchesters & the bunker).

Cas’s story has been about a man in the middle, for several seasons now. He is neither fully an angel (heaven rejects him) nor a human. He has no real home. His story is about identity, about making a choice. The Winchesters have accepted him as part of their family for some time now and offered him a home. By 12x12 it seemed Cas has finally accepted this. On what he thought would be his deathbed he spoke of them as his family, he valued their time together the most, talked about how much they changed him and shaped him into his new identity. By expressing his love for them he already became in a way human. So why now the return to heaven, after it had seemed like Cas had been exiled for good. I think this arc will end up with Cas cutting ties to heaven/the angels for one final time, but on his own terms, not because they rejected him. Accepting his new family/home in 12x12 was the first step, saying goodbye to his old home/family will be the next (and Cas becoming human again might be the final step to his new identity). I don’t think it will as easy as this. Cas will have his doubts. Saying goodbye won’t be easy. And of course when Sam and Dean, especially Dean, find out about him working with heaven again, they will question his words from 12x12 and if he really wants to be with them. But in the end everything will be hopefully alright. This might mark just the first step in Cas’s transformation. 

**Master & servant**

Or: Crowley’s story makes sense again. I think this was overall a great episode for fans of Crowley (which I’m not, but I heard it’s a thing [@rosie-berber](https://tmblr.co/mib0uqGvIHzwCZmbsNTYKbA)). He can show us his master plan and for once he gets a thank you from well everyone.

Speaking of master plans. I wonder if Perez repaired the mess of 12x13 and the way Crowley was presented there: not very smart. So maybe this was the plan all along (making us wonder why Crowley would do something so dumb, then surprise us with the master plan). Maybe Perez is just the better writer than the dreaded duo. Who knows.

The episode unfolds in a way that was too predictable at first. Of course Crowley can’t guard Lucifer all the time, of course his demons get suspicious, of course they are stupid enough to let him out and get what they deserve. But then (after a glorious image of Lucifer’s wings) we see it was all part of the plan. Letting Lucifer believe he has the upper hand. Letting him taste the freedom. And then crush him. Because of course, OF COURSE, Crowley would find a way to disempower Lucifer. It is the only way to beat him after he realized that now prison will hold him. So he makes his body a prison. And knowing Crowley there will be no way Lucifer can leave this vessel now. So bringing back Mark Pellegrino and the question why in the world Crowley would restore the old vessel makes more sense now. I also think the body as a prison has been a huge theme since ever in Spn. Sam with his feeling like he is freak and unclean, with the thought he can never escape what has been done to him as an infant. Dean and the MoC. Dean becoming a demon. Lucifer!Sam. Basically every human whose body is used as a vessel, angel or demon. Cas, who has now his own body, and became Lucifer’s vessel. The image of a body as a prison has been strong these past seasons but finally it is someone who deserves to be trapped like this (especially given the way Lucifer treated all his vessels).

**The Walking Dean**

Before I talk about Sam & Dean something about the case of the week. The couple of course served as a parallel to Sam and Dean. Gwen wasn’t honest about her feelings for her boyfriend and blamed herself and her lies as the reason he died. It brings Sam to tell Dean the truth about working together with the MoL in the end. But I think there might be something else about Gwen and her boyfriend, which yeah is a Destiel parallel. In the beginning we learn that they have (or soon will have) a long distance relationship, the way Cas and Dean have. Gwen wasn’t honest about her feelings for her boyfriend. She didn’t plan a future with him, whereas he wanted to propose to her. Now I think both Dean and Cas want a future with the other, but Dean might think Cas loves him less, if he finds out about Cas return to heaven. Also, they told Gwen that sometimes after a traumatic experience you can make something up, obviously to comfort her, but it reminded me of 8x07 and the way Sam thought Dean was seeing Cas/making it up and of course the way Dean remembered their escape from purgatory wrong.

I think the only reason the hellhounds came back was to see Sam & Dean in glasses again (not that I complain). We learn that apparently Lucifer had a soft spot for them. Huh. I also wonder if the name Ramsey was a reference to Ramsay Bolton and his vicious dogs.

So Dean. Covered in blood and guts. Wearing the same underwear for four days. Now I quickly glanced over my dash and saw some discussion about it, whether it was OOC or not. I think that yes, it was out of character and b) I think it was on purpose. We know that Dean doesn’t like to get dirty. That normally he wouldn’t drive like this in baby or sit down or throw some of the stuff from his hair through the bunker. Sam calls him out on it not only because it was super gross, but because he knows it is untypical for Dean. So I think writing a character out of character means either you are bad at writing (Bucklemming *cough*) or you do it to tell the audience something is wrong with said character (tagging [@k-vichan](https://tmblr.co/m4FImMInGlX_QoCekzgv66w) because I know you wrote something about OOC characters in general). I trust Perez to know what he is doing, so yeah something is wrong with Dean. It wasn’t just the guts, he acted strange the whole episode. He was reluctant in offering Gwen comfort. He talked about taking care of baby instead of her. He even named her girl of the week, distancing himself from her even more. Which is untypical for him. Dean empathises usually with the victims. So yeah, I think he might have forgiven his mother, but deep down he still struggles with her decision and his abandon issues. It won’t get better now that Sam told him he as well works with the MoL. Dean was  quick in forgiving him as well, agreeing they might work with them. But it was for the sake of his family, not because he wants it. And given that Cas already sounded weird to Dean and Cas current decision to return to heaven will isolate Dean even more. He tries to make his peace with everyone but can’t shake the feeling nobody is on his side.

Also Lucille (you all know what I mean). To nobody’s surprise I still catch up on TWD as well, so I haven’t seen season 7 yet, but I know what will happen. And even from the distance of tumblr gifs I really really hate Negan. And I think in his case his weapon resembles his character. It is a blunt instrument, a weapon for destruction, for unnecessary violence. Seeing Dean using it further more confirms that he isn’t doing okay. I think we can put this in one line with his purgatory weapon, the first blade and the hammer he wanted to use to kill Sam in 10x03. Purgatory framed him as monster, the MoC and the blade made him to one. The fact that the bat was marked as John’s weapon, TWD reference or not, makes Dean taking a step back instead of forward.

Also, at one point Dean says he does all the heavy lifting other than Sam. Of course he was teasing Sam here. But last week framed Sam together with Mick (the intelligence) and Dean with Ketch (the blunt force). Ketch called Mick out on his sitting in the ivory tower whereas he gets his hands dirty. So this also parallels Dean with Ketch again. Ouch.

So Sam. Who has Mick labelled as “Frodo” on his phone, the same way his mother has them as “Hobbits”. I wonder if she told him and it a weird inside joke or if it is coincidence and they just have the same type of humour. Either way, we see a switch from Mary/Dean to Mary/Sam. She talks with Sam on the phone, where she usually talks with Dean (though Dean might have already talked with Cas). We also hear Sam saying “love you too”. This is the first time we heard one of the brothers returning one of her “I love you”s. With Sam and Mary both working for the MoL I feel like they finally have something in common, something they can bond over, where so far it felt Mary was more communicating with Dean. The upside of course will be that through this Dean will feel even more isolated.

Also, dear Sam, the MoL didn’t kill the alpha vamp, that was you alone. Without you they wouldn’t even know how to make bullets, let alone that the alpha was in the US all along.

We also got another reference to Dean and Crowley’s summer of love, or you know them all rubbing over each other. We can debate if Crowley really got soft, or if killing Ramsey was just part of his revenge over Lucifer/to show power. I like that fact that everyone thanked him and his help was appreciated. Especially him saving Cas. Dean knows that it was a selfless act, that Crowley didn’t gain everything from it. I wonder though how the relationship between Crowley and the Winchesters will develop once they find out Lucifer isn’t in the cage. We will see.

Until next week!


	22. Thoughts about Spn 12x16

**Thoughts about Spn 12x16**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

There is no transcript of the episode online yet, so I have to do this out of my memory, which means I forgot probably half the stuff I wanted to write about. Bear with me. 

So, this episode. Alternative title: Lying liars who lie. Like, we get it. This season is all about lies and the damage they do. And this episode wasn’t subtle about it. Hayden was lying to her brother and got killed. Claire lied to Jody and almost died. Mick lied to Sam & Dean and got a death threat. So yeah, lying is never good and sometimes it gets you killed or at least puts you in danger. Telling the truth is what can save you or at least redeem you. And right now Dean is the only one able to see through all the lies. He knew something was off with his mother. 12x15 implies he knew Sam wasn’t honest to him as well. He noticed that Cas is hiding something. And now he instantely knew that Mick was lying (though it gave us a TGBBO reference, which by now will always be my favourite pop culture reference in the show). At least now though Dean wasn’t as isolated as in previous episodes; he and Sam were always on the same side, especially after learning what Mick did. 

Speaking of.

**Mick**

From the two BMoL we met so far, Mick Davies and Arthur Ketch, Mick seems to be the more likeable one, and the one who could actually redeem himself and become a part of Team Winchester. 12x14 gave his character already more depth and a glimpse of the real world and what it actually means to hunt. I’m not surprised that he is now willing to learn more, to get involved and to prepare himself. As cool as the Hogwarts for the BMoL sounds (and how much do you bet Sam wants to go there?), Dean is right, you can’t learn hunting with books alone. The reason Sam and Dean are as good as they are at their jobs is their experience. Of course Sam is right as well, the lore & knowledge the MoL possess is a great help for them. Without it they wouldn’t have been able to cure Claire. Speaking of, the cure of course reminded me of the vampire cure, which makes me more convinced than ever that the Campells used to work together with the MoL before they were going extinct. Anyway, point is, you need both, the knowledge & the experience. And I think that is the problem, the dividing of both. The brains and the brawn. Because it only results in MoL getting killed and making the wrong moral choices, because to them monsters are an abstract concept, whereas Sam and Dean learned the hard way that there is more than dividing the world in black & white, good & evil. And hunters get killed too, because they don’t have the knowledge they need in order to do their jobs. I don’t expect the BMoL to be destroyed by the end of the season but therefore rather getting reformed, with Sam maybe in the lead. 

So Mick now learns about the reality of hunting. About what it means to kill a young girl, to hear her mother crying in despair. And that instead of following a code, there is a choice. A choice for the hunters to make. A choice for the victims to decide for their lives. And sure Dean was only trying to protect Claire when he said she had no vow, but thank God Sam stepped in. Claire’s body, Claire’s life, Claire’s choice (and given the time, I think this was meant as a political message as well). So if they do reform the MoL, I can see someone like Mick maybe researching more stuff like the cure for werewolves, focusing on the saving people part, not hunting/killing.

Anyway, Dean teling Mick that things are not always black & white was perhaps the best scene. Because he came so far: s1 Dean was actually a lot like Mick here. Monsters needed to be killed, no matter what. Instead of a code he followed his father’s orders. Dean learned (the hard way) to think for himself. Maybe Mick will learn it as well. Also, when Mick critized Dean of working together with witches & demons he didn’t mention Cas, but he might as well could have done so, given Dean’s angry answer. Because he knows they won’t draw the line there. If they mean all monsters, they mean Cas as well.

Speaking of monster genoicide: I expected Sam’s “not all werwolves are bad” speech already when he learned they almost killed all vampires. Better late than never though. But why did they mentioned Garth though? Dabb & Singer teased that something in this episode would become relevant again in s13, so now I think they either find out the BMoL killed Garth, or Garth gets cured. I hope for the latter. 

Also, killing all werewolves might have indirect resulted in this week’s case. The bartender werewolf mentioned his pack was killed, even though they didn’t hurt no one. All he wanted was another pack. I mean he still killed Hayden’s brother (to feed his heart to her?), so yeah, cool motive, still murder. The thing is, the MoL’s actions have consequences. They started a war and these are the results. 

Also, adding to the [Mick-Cas-parallels](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/158977469282/tinkdw-tinkdw-godshipsit-tinkdw-note): Dean calls Sam and Mick nerd best friends; so just as Cas Mick now has a Winchester as a best friend. And well, Cas started out with questionable moral choices too, but learned to do the right thing thanks to Dean. So Sam could be Mick’s guide, the way Dean was to Cas. 

**Claire**

I love her. Protect her. Especially from skeevy old guys who are into teenage girls. That guy might have not been a werewolve, but he was a bad guy all along. And thank you Dean for threating him. 

Claire still hasn’t found her place in this world it seems. She wants to hunt, but the question is why she is doing it. She admitted that most days she can barely keep it together (I bet Dean can relate), so really to me it feels like she is running away. From her family, from her past, who knows. Being all alone, living in her car, putting herself in danger, it’s no life. And we can’t compare it with Sam & Dean, because for once they were never alone, and second they never had a chance at a normal life, unlike Claire. 

In the end at least a part of her arc seems to be resolved by now. She calls Jody, she tells her the truth (always a good thing), more so she calls Jody her mom and tells her she loves her (and Alex). Does that remind you of anyone? Claire has accepted her found family and expressed her love and gratitude for them, the way Cas did in 12x12. They are both not ready to return home yet. They both have unfinished business. But they will, eventually.

Speaking of Cas, why wasn’t he mentioned? Claire almost died. I’m not sure he could have healed her anyway, but this was about their relationship. Claire mentioned calling Jody (to say goodbye?) but not Cas. Neither did Sam or Dean. Which I think was odd. Sure Jody (and Alex) are closer to her now, but still. 

Some other things:

\- Did I spot a Batgirl comic in Claire’s car?

\- Dean & the fancy hotel gave me life. *imagine a long and detailed meta about Winchesters and social class here* I haven’t been on my dash yet, so I hope there a million fan arts of Dean skinny dipping out there.  

\- Hayden was genre savvy. Still didn’t help. 

I bet there are a million more things to say, but that is all I can think of by now.

Aaaaaaaaaand the promo for next week:

Just from watching the promo I knew it would be a Bucklemming episode. There are like a million characters (Dagon I think, Kelly, Eileen, Lucifer, Crowley etc), Mary has sex (with Ketch? *shudders*) and I seriously hope Mick doesn’t forget all the character development he had this episode and kills someone. Also is it possible the old man is a woman instead? Not really looking forward to this one. 


	23. Thoughts about Spn 12x17

**Thoughts about Spn 12x17**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Well, I guess for a Bucklemming episode it wasn’t that bad? Nobody got raped, so that’s a plus. And even though, as usual, the episode was really crowded, I felt like nothing really happened. The mytharc went on, but if anything I feel this episode left more question than answers. Let’s dig into it.

**Mick**

The man of the hour. This episode was mostly about him, his journey, his life. They could have left out the boring Crowley/Lucifer-stuff and insted given us a bit more about Mick. Still, we have a better understanding now for the character. After last week there was a lot of discussion about whether or not Mick as a character was redeemable. The Winchesters gave him a second chance, but unknowing to them he already wasted it when they decided to kill Magda back in 12x04 (and according to [@elizabethrobertajones](https://tmblr.co/mgG_5cqPDBqPGN1DslU_e6Q) Dean touched Mick in the wrong place, so there is that). This episode made a great effort to make Mick more likeable, but in the end they took away the chance for the audience as well as the Winchsters to make him one of ours/theirs. He made his choice, the right choice, but he paid with his life for it.

We start the episode at murder Hogwarts and just… what the hell? I can see how Mick ended there: he had nobody until the MoL took him in and for that he owed them. And he was probably not the only one. Brainwashing children who have nothing left outside the MoL is way easier than with the ones who does (and given Mr. Ketch once said the MoL are his family he probably was an orphan as well). But what about Timothy? He had a home and a family to return to. What they they tell his family happened to him? Did they know about those tests? Where his father/mother a MoL before him? And if so, why would you send your child to this school? (And is this what is waiting for Toni’s son as well?) Was there an American version to Kendricks as well? Was this the plan for John? We only saw Henry Winchester two times, but he didn’t seem as radical as the BMoL do. 

I think Mick’s story paralled both Cas and his relationship to heaven and Dean and his relationship to John. On the one side family/an organisation that represents itself as family, on the other hand someone lost looking for acceptance/a home. But instead of showing love, instead of encouraging one to choose your own path the family expects you to obey. Of course the BMoL are the most extreme example. John never would have killed his sons for disobedience. We don’t know how heven operated with rogue angels. But season 8 suggests they rather brainwashed/resetted them than to kill them. But for the BMoL there is no middle ground. Obey or die. Assimilate or eliminate. Mick did assimilate, but to the wrong crowd, so he died anyway.  
  
There is also yet again the dog metaphor. Mrs. Hess called hunters dogs, and just like dogs they need to obey. But given the training the MoL had to went trough there are nothing more than dogs as well. Both Dean and Cas haven been associated with dogs. Dean as the attack-dog. Cas as the Winchester’s pet and the dog who thinks he is people. And of course in this episode we had Lucifer called a dog, though the shoe don’t fit.   
  
Mick’s journey was that from a boy to a man. Mrs. Hess stil called him Michael, like the boy he used to be. But he called himself Mick, the man he is now. Someone who learned too late to folow his own code, make his own choices, be his own man. A member of team free will so to say.   
**  
**The hunters**  
  
** I have to say Sam and Eileen are the cutest. I don’t really have an OTP when it comes to Sam, but this episode sealed the deal. They are perfect for each other. Dean likes her. Sam even learned ASL. And Eileen is a real badass (look how she handled the Colt). If they kill her I’m gonna shoot them.  
  
There isn’t much to say about Sam and Dean. They guided Mick to make the right choice, but I didn’t excepted less of them. Dean is finally reunited with the Colt, which means he knows the story now? And Mary’s involvement in it? When Sam found out in 12x14 he was devesteated and everyone expected there would be a similar moment for when Dean finds out (maybe even worse because Cas). But now it happened off-screen? Anyway, the shot in the end looked like Dean aimed at Sam. Forshadowing?  
  
Speaking of Cas: he was mentioned several times, which was unusual for Bucklemming. To the way that they really draw attention to his absence. I mean of course it is odd he wasn’t around, as he was following Kelly and Dagon. But now even the most casual viewer knows something is off. Does heaven have a bad reception? Is Cas occupied? Or held as captive? *worriedface*  
  
As for Mary… her sleeping with Ketch was in my opinion out of character. Not gonna judge her for having sex. And I just assume that Ketch wasn’t as brutal around her as with Dean. But I see her more still grieving for John, so. If anything I think it was there to complicate things. Ketch said he though at first he ends up shooting her, and by now we know he will, given his orders. I don’t think he will get sentimental over her. But maybe mention it again, maybe in front of Sam and Dean as well.   
  
There was also Mary talking about the life she had wanted with John. I think she was right when she said that unlike Ketch she was build for relationships and a domestic life, at lest in some ways. She wanted this. But she also enjoys hunting. I think she made the same mistake as her sons in thinking she can only have one thing, the hunting life or the apple pie life. Balance is the key. Just like Dean Mary can’t give up hunting (Sam is a different story). But it doesn’t mean she can’t find love and a home. And Mary is alredy tired of choosing, between hunting and her sons. But it is not hunting, but hunting with the BMoL. And this choice was already made for her, with the decision to kill all American hunters, including herself and her sons.  
  
Speaking of… isn’t that a bit radical? Killing all American hunters? And then what? Send a group of BMoL over there to do the job? We saw how well that turned out. Or leave the US to the monsters? Why couldn’t they mind their own business? Oh well, it is Britain, they never do (sorry, not sorry). ****  
  
 **Dagon & Kelly & Luci**  
  
I mentioned this before but the Crowley/Lucifer-stuff was us usual very boring. So Lucifer has plans to get his vessel back to work (for him), shocker. What is more interesting is his connection to Dagon. She failed him before, but in which way? And if she knew how depowered he is currently would she still obey him?  
  
Kelly is a victim, no matter at which angle you look at it. Lucifer used her, as she said, and now he only sees her as a container,[ which sounded oddly creepy familar](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2Fentry%2Foklahoma-lawmaker-wants-men-to-approve-abortion-calls-women-hosts_us_58a1eaf5e4b094a129ed7fac&t=Nzc5ZDA0Y2U0MDMzMWJmM2FiNmMxYmUzZDk4ZmZiZmU2NjA3ODRmYSxCRjUxMGhlNg%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159312144997%2Fthoughts-about-spn-12x17&m=1). He no longer sees her as a person, and I doubt he ever did. Mick on the other dehumanizes her child, telling her that she wil mean nothing to her son. The only nephilim we met so far in 8x23 seemed nice enough (until they threated to kill her), so I don’t know if that is true. Nephilims happen so rarely that there isn’t much lore about them or their nature, but to the MoL supernatural equals bad (and hell, Mick wanted to kill Kelly as well). Either way, Kelly will die, by the hands of the MoL or as we know now through birth, which leads to the question: Is she willing to die for her child? (The way Mary died for hers, making this full circle?)Some other things:- The MoL have the keys to the bunker, so it is no longer safe for Sam and Dean there.- Lady Toni was mentioned again, so I expect to see her again.- Michael was mentioned again as well, but I really hope we are done with all things archangels rather soon.Until next week.


	24. Thoughts about Spn 12x18

**Thoughts about Spn 12x18**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

It’s easter and I have the day off (yeah), which is why you get my episode review earlier than usual, but also there isn’t a trasncript of the episode online yet, so… I have the write this from my memory… about an episode that is called “The memory remains”. Pun intended.

So. Overall I liked this episode. It made me worried about both Sam and DEan’s fate and about Cas, so thank you very much John Bring. It felt like a classic Spn episode with a classic small town murder mystery. Some of the parallels were very on the nose, but overall they still worked. So let’s dig into it.

**The case**

I love small towns and I love small town muder mystery stories. Which is why I like Riverdale (it’s on Netflix guys, you should check it out) and I couldn’t help to see some similarities with Riverdale and this episode. I just thought about all the parent characters in Riverdale and how their kids have to live through the consequences of the mess they made. You know, their legacies. And man legacy was a huge theme this episode. The sheriff tried to stop the murder legacy of his family. He tried to do better. The same way Sam and Dean try to do better, with both their hunter legacy (John’s upbringing) and their MoL legacy. Both John and MoL divided the world in black and white and because of it Sam and Dean needed to learn the hard way that it is not as easy as this. Just in this episode it was revealved the real monster was a human all along, both under the mask but also as it was the family who summoned the God in the first place. 

I wonder if the fact that the bad guy was the evil half brother means we see the Winchester’s half brother (Adam) again as well. Dabb has a thing of resolving long lost story arcs, so maybe (also Michael was mentioned in the previous episode). The evil half brother whose name I forgot (Pete?) also accused the sheriff that he only got the crap whereas his half brother lived in a mansion. With Adam of course it was the other way around: Sam and Den got the crap aka the hunting life, whereas Adam got a normal life with a normal dad. Until he was eaten by a ghoul and brought back to life to serve as an angel’s condom. But you know, details. But I couldn’t help of thinking about one of [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg) metas where she wrote that for Sam the hunting life is the crap that comes with being with his family (you can’t have the one without the other).

Also, I couldn’t help but think that victim number one was a Winchester parallel as well. They named him Jared, which defenitely wasn’t a coincidence. The sheriff told Sam and Dean that the boy’s mother went away and his dad was an abusive dick. And then the sheriff told them it is hard to get a kid out of an abusive environment. Which for one thing is true if you don’t have enough evidence. But I think was also defenitely meant as a meta comment on Sam and Dean’s childhood. I don’t think it is a coincidence we got this in the same season we saw Dean’s dislike for the Child Protective Service (12x04). They probably had their suspicions but never enough evidence and the Winchesters moved around a lot. For Dean it would have meant they would split up his family and he could no longer protect Sam, so he wouldn’t be very cooperative. I think the sheriff’s line that Jared fell down the stairs a lot reads like this as well, that maybe Jared lied in order to protect his father. 

**Mr. Ketch**

When he first tod Sam and Dean about the case I thought it was a trap, so he could kill them on the job and made it appear like an accident. Instead they examined the bunker, that appearently has no security system whatsoever. Sure, it is warded against all kinds of supernatural beings but not against humans. And after the Stynes they should have known better. Though I’m pretty sure they will find the microscope underneath the table, as they usually keep their guns there as well.

Ketch keeping a photo of Mary (THE photo as well) was such a beginner’s mistake though. As if Dean won’t notice. And they way he looked at it while listening to Dean and Sam complaining about him… pretty sure he won’t be their next step dad. i’m not sure Ketch is able to genuine love someone so I would rather say he is obsessed with Mary and might believe now her sons are the only thing holding her back from being with him. Mary sure has a shitty taste in men (first John, now this).

**The brothers**

First of all, we should start every episode without Cas showing the brothers worry about him for five minutes at the minimum. It’s the law. And I think this opening scene was important to interpret Dean’s behaviour for the rest of the episode. Cas doesn’t answer/calls back, Dean can’t trace his phone or find him through the system. For all he knows Cas could be dead. Sam (because he knows) tries to reassure him, telling him Cas will be fine, because he always is (so he is defenitely not fine) and that Cas went missing like this before. And that is the point, isn’t it? Cas has a habbit for disappering and not answering. And Dean is tired of it. He is tired of waiting. He is tired of being afraid something might have happened to him, that he could be dead and they wouldn’t even know. Or worse: that Cas doesn’t care enough to call. That, just in like in season 8, he gets Dean’s calls and prayers (because of course he prays to him) but doesn’t bother to answer them. Next week will show is why. There has been already some speculation if Cas was brainwashed again, so we will see. 

But as I said I think it is important to know Dean’s current emotional state regarding Cas to understand the rest of the episode. Of course I’m talking about the waitress here (and for the record that coffee line only worked because you are cute Dean). If Cas would have been around or had at least called? Dean wouldn’t have glanced twice at her or even flirted with her. I think the whole thing was a reaction of Dean being hurt by Cas’s absence. The same way he had sex with Suzy in 9x08 after he said goodbye to Cas in 9x06. So however odd it sounds, Dean having sex with the waitress confirms my reading of Dean having romantic feelings for Cas. It is rebound sex at its best. 

Not much going on with Sam, so fast forward to the end: Sam and Dean’s legacy. Now this is the part that kept me worring. They left their mark on the table (confirming that the bunker is as much a home to them as is the Impala) and talk about a next generation of hunters living there. And about leaving the world a better place than it was. Which sounds like a death note. Not that they want to die, but that maybe this is where it is headed? I’m not even talking about this season’s end but the show’s end. And man, I’m longing for a happy end for the boys. Meaning they live and don’t sacrifice themselves or something. Maybe (finger’s crossed) they retire from hunting and that is the reson we will see other hunters (Claire?) sitting at the tible, looking at the initials in a possible spin off. For now it confirms that they try to do things a different way than the generations before them, more saving, less killing (and the psycho brothers line of  “ _Hunting people. Killing them. The family business._ ” was defenitely meant as dark mirror here). Doing things a different way hopefully also means the show won’t end in tragedy (the way it would have if it had ended after season 5 like it was originally planed) but instead we get our happy end. Heaven knows the Winchesters (and the audience) deserve it.

**Some other things:**

\- I think that was the first time the Colt wasn’t shot in slow motion ([@wigglebox](https://tmblr.co/mKxqVnbTQb1eS79OaK1NR1Q))

\- How adorable was Dean calling a saytr adorable?

\- Season 13 arc confirmed: Why is Sam’s hair so shiny.Until next week =)


	25. Thoughts about Spn 12x19

**Thoughts about Spn 12x19**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

First of all **TRIGGERWARNING FOR A GRAHPIC DEPICTION OF SUICIDE!** If you are sensitive to see such content **skip the first minutes until 5:30** (basically what happens is Dagon keeping Kelly as a prisoner, telling her again that she will die and that her son will kill the world. Devasted Kelly kills herself in order to prevent this from happen). The suicide is mentioned again later in dialogue, but I consider this less problematic than actually showing it. 

Overall I really liked the episode, mostly because it was Cas-centric. And as many others speculated before this episode was all about Cas future, while 12x10 was about his past and 12x12 about the present. I liked the directing, Amanda Tapping gave us some great shots (though I still think you don’t have to show a suicide simply because it is a trigger to many folks). I am really curious now where the nephilim story is headed and I wasn’t before. They definitely took a spin on it that makes it more ambigious and will now be a huge part of Cas’s fate as well, so we will see.

Speaking off.

**Castiel**

Even though the episode is titled “The Future” Castiel reminded me a lot of the past, namely season 6 and 8, with him ignoring the Winchesters and going behind their backs in order to do what he thinks is the right thing. The reason he is doing it is because he thinks he fails at everything and that as well is nothing new. Cas is depressed and commits acts out of desperation since… I dunno, season 8? The difference is that in the past he tried to fix heaven and redeem himself as an angel. Now he tries to redeem himself to his family, the Winchesters. The episode made a point to confirm again what he said in 12x12: Sam and Dean are his family now. He corrects Kelvin that what he is doing is for them, not heaven and later when he tells Kelly that he betrayed his friends he adds the word “family” as well, as though he still gets used to this idea. The problem of course is that for Sam and Dean there is no need for Cas to prove himself to them. What they want is to have him around and be honest with him. What Cas sees as his failures is stuff Sam and Dean never blamed Cas for. 

In that regard it is interesting to see the interactions of team free will and how different yet again Dean and Sam’s reactions are regarding Cas. (And speaking of team free will: I know this is a popular fandom term, but Dean said it once, 7 years ago in 5x13, and now he uses it again? Or does he think of them like this all the time?) Sam is just glad Cas is back, Dean is not. He is angry, he is pissed and just as in 12x10 he lets Cas know that his anger is born out of worry. Still, he tries to offer Cas an olive branch here, reminding him that they work better together. Just for Cas to leave again and on top of it, to steal the Colt. And sure, not good, but on the other side it gave us Dean slamming Cas into a wall and I myself will be forever gratefull for that scene. 

I found the Cas/Kelly-dynamic interesting as well, and before anyone asks, I don’t think there was anything romantic about it. Cas wanted Sam and Dean out of the mission to spare them to kill an innocent woman, but of course in the end he couldn’t do it either. What a surprise.

[Originally posted by gifsforthemasses](https://tmblr.co/ZAUtWtlXIKbZ)

If anything I think Cas saw himself in Kelly. First when she mentioned that she was desperate enough to kill herself. The pain on Cas’s face… takes one to know one. And then of course Kelly’s believe in a plan, in fate, in destiny. I think it is no coincidence Dean mentioned team free will again, because right now the conflict of season 5 (or rather the whole Kripke era) comes back again: fate vs free will. Cas is our poster boy for free will and he learned it the hard way. He tries to spare Kelly the pain to learn that there is no greater plan and that her human life doesn’t have any value to the forces of heaven and hell. He also offers her a painless death, which reminded me a bit of Dean offering the vampire in 12x14 a painless death. Also, the fact that no human can walk through the gates of heaven without dying… I think this might become relevant again in one way or another this season. 

Kelly on the other hand… I think she already trusted Cas before her child gave her a vision of the future. He had the chance to kill her but he didn’t. He listened to her. He cares about her. And the moment Cas asked who is gonna take care of the child if Kelly dies I knew the answer. Real talk: if I had a child I would totally make Cas the godparent. Also “What would Cas do?” is a question I ask myself every day. I think Kelly’s trust in Cas was a reminder to the audience why we fell in love with this character in the first place: because he is the epitome of goodness and kindness. Kelly saw that. And I think her child somehow too. If this episode was about Cas’s future than it told us what Cas’s purpose on this world is: to save it. To make it a better place. (Which of course the Winchesters do as well, but in a different way) And maybe to guide Lucifer’s child to use his powers for something great. Because power itself is neither good or bad, only the ones who use it. And Kelly said herself, no one is born evil. Also:

[Originally posted by darkslayer092](https://tmblr.co/ZpMPVi2Ft70WA)

**The Nephilim**

So how sure are we if this child is evil or not? So far we only know it wants to survive. Did he heal Kelly because he still needed her, as he is not ready yet to be born? Or did he heal his mother out of love? Was there ever a chance to kill this child? Would an abortion even have worked? Also, if nephilims are so powerfull why did Lucifer didn’t create on earlier?

Speaking off Lucifer: what is the plan here? He wants to rule over heaven, hell and everything in between with the power of his child? And as it seems the help of Dagon. I dunno if it was just me, but did it seem to anyone else that Dagon and Lucifer had a thing once? I can’t really picture Lucifer with anyone, especially not a demon, as he always looked down on them (well he looks down on everyone, so). He needed her to make sure Kelly is okay and of course to bring his child to him once it is born. But after that? And what was in for Dagon? Was it just that little power fantasy or more? And why did Lucifer had such power over her, when he was trapped in heaven and has no access to his powers? With her dead now we probably won’t get any more answers regarding their relationship.

The nephilim sure wasn’t a fan of Dagon. And that makes me wonder… of the child just wants to be born, he wouldn’t care about Dagon killing Cas or how Dagon treated Kelly as long as she was still alive. But the nephilim took care of both Kelly and Cas and killed the one thing that was a threat to both of them. He chooses his parents in a way. Now the question is if the child can really show the future. Kelly was so convinced she made sure her vision would happen, driving to the sandbox. And now I wonder what Cas saw. Or is the nephilim manipulating both of them? Remember how Sam thought he was talking to God in the beginning of season 11? Just to learn it was Lucifer all along. And Cas behaviour in the end of course gave me massive Godstiel vibes. We will see.

**Some other things:**

1\. THE MIX TAPE!!!!!! You know who does mixtapes for each other? Boyfriends! This was right out of a fan fiction. And just “It’s a gift. you keep those”. Maybe I’m reading too much into this (arghhh who am I kidding here?) but it felt to me as if Dean was talking about something else as well. As if he wanted to say “I gave you my heart, you can’t give it back to me”.

2\. Apparently Cas has a room in the bunker. *makesexictednoises*

3\. Once again we are reminded that the Winchesters try to find a better way, that this is not the past repeating itself and even though we had a lot of references to past seasons the outcome might be different. And the grace extraction solution might became relevant again.

4\. The Colt is gone for good. I’m not really surprised. It has always been too much of a deus ex machina, too good to be true. Not sure if it could have killed a nephilim but even if not every other hunt would have become way more easier and for this show more boring, so the thing had to go.

See you next week!


	26. Thoughts about Spn 12x20

**Thoughts about Spn 12x20**

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

I mostly liked this episode, even though it was really dark (why do you have to be like this Supernatural?) The BMoL-story spelled out some things we already know and moved the story into an expected direction. The witch-twins-story felt like a mirror to a mirror to a mirror; it referenced the past, it served as a parallel to both the brothers and Mary and their complicated relationship and it sure for foretod some stuff we will very likely see in the remaining episodes (and maybe the next season as well). 

So, let’s take a closer look.

**Alicia & Max**

I admit I was both exited to see them again and at the same time worried they would kill of their only current queer character (well one that is already out of the closet), so… good news is Max survived. 

But let’s start at the beginning. Alicia is worried, Max isn’t. The same way Dean was worried enough about their father that he went to Sam in the pilot and Sam tried to reassure him (of course things changed after Jess died). Alicia believes her brother is closer to their mother because they are both witches; Sam thought Dean was closer to John because they bonded through hunting. But as it turned out Sam was much more like John than Dean could ever be and Alicia’s instinct about her mother turned out to be right. 

They paired up Sam with Alicia here and Dean with Max, and yeah I’m glad Dean got to spent some time with the cute boy (and Max complimenting the Impala was definitely flirting). But mostly it worked towards the end where Max’s situation paralled Dean’s. Yes, both Winchesters made deals in the past, but Max losing both a parent and a sibling reminded me most of Dean at the end of season 2. Both lost all of their (remaining) family. Both were desperate; if Dean wouldn’t have shot the witch Max would have taken the deal. And well, Dean knows it, he can’t even blame him. Their offer to stick around and help with the burial? That was because they already suspected Max to do something stupid. and now I’m pretty sure we will see him (and Robo!Alicia) again in season 13 and the Winchesters will learn what he did. 

I really like the scene where Dean talked with Tasha (who is definitely a witch because she looks way too young to have two adult kids). I think it made sense for him to bond with a mom character; both because he has been a parent to Sam almost all of his life but also because he just learned to be a son again with the return of Mary. And what Tasha told him, that parents aren’t perfect but just people, is a lesson he learned all season long. For a moment I suspected him to flirt with her (because the actress was really gorgeous) but I’m glad they didn’t go there. 

I think the case itself was full of foretelling. The witch tried to get out of her deal, to rest her burden on someone else. This season we already witnessed someone taking someone’s else deal: Mary swaping her place with her sons in 12x09. Something like this might happen again either with her or Cas (#cosmicconsequences). Dean prevented Max from taking the offer but in the end Max still made a deal; could it be that Sam or Dean make a deal even though Cas tried to prevent them from doing it? 

Dean refered to Cas as a sock puppet and creepy dolls/marionettes is what we deal with. They still have their memories, they appear to be the real person, but they are not. Cas is currently not himself anymore. This might refer to Mary as well. We had two characters who were supposed to be dead but were still there in a way: Tasha as a doll and Mick who still seemed to sent messages. Mary is supposed to be dead but yet she is still around. Could this mean she is in some way or another not real/came back wrong from the dead? (Hello Buffy season 6 references, haven’t seen you in a while)

**Ketch & Mary**

It took a while for Mary’s bullshit dedector to work but I’m glad it still functions. I’m also glad that the episode explained to us that until now Mary hadn’t seen Ketch torture someone, that she didn’t kow he loves to do this, that, in her own words, he is a psychpath. It explains why up until now she no problem working with him. He was rough, sure. But rough is what Mary knows, rough is how she grew up. Rough is how she is (”not a hugger”), what made her attractive to Ketch in the first place and what is the reason for all her disconnection with Dean, because this is not what he needs (remember, Dean wuv hugs). Now she gets more inside into Ketch and it doesn’t take her long to figure out who he really is and what he has done (and what he plans to do). 

Using a shapeshifter as the monster to toture of course was full of symbolism. I think the shifter did sense some form of affection Ketch has for Mary, hence taking her form, but it of course did foretell the end of episode, where the real Mary is about to get tortured. When the shifter took the form of Ketch we learned that Ketch lies all the time (psychopath, remember) but it also made me wonder; didn’t we learn in 1x06 that shifters have access to the memories and feelings of the one they turn into ? (The same way the dolls had acces to the memories of the one they impersonate) Did the shifter spell out some truths about Ketch while Mary was listening? 

I think it is clear now that Ketch’s feelings for Mary are… complicated. Of course he wanted to sleep with her again and later he even offered her to keep her safe. He doesn’t seem to care about anyone but there is something about Mary (see what I did there?) that makes him soft. We will see if Mary might use this to her advantage/if it becomes Ketch’s downfall. Also while they were fighting he gave me major creeps; I thought for a moment he would assault her. But man that was a good fight; Mary is badass and sure knows how to use brass knuckles. 

We know now more about the BMoL’s plan to kill all American hunters: Garth, Claire and Eileen are on their list (all connected to Sam & Dean) as well as the brothers. From those I think Garth is most likely to become a victim, simpy because I can’t see the show killing off Claire and/or Eileen (and hands off of Jody as well). Ketch also now knows Mary’s email password, so he might use this for a trap. 

**Sam & Dean**

(Ok, mostly Dean)

I loved how Dean was full in worried boyfriend modus and even caled his mother to talk about it. The only reason he didn’t immediately tried to find Cas again was because Sam used the magic words: Tasha is on a hunting trip and hasn’t been home in a few days. This of course Dean gets. 

Also, Dean was jealous of the family, of Tasha who seemed more like the mother he wished Mary to be, and her relationship to her children. But as Tasha said: parents are people after all. 

Also also, Dean can’t hold a damn wine glass. Like really. That’s it. See you next week and hope the best from the worst (aka Bucklemming).


	27. Thoughts about Spn 12x21

**Thoughts about Spn 12x21**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

I usually try to avoid spoilers before I see the episode but I saw some comments on tumblr last night, so I was a bit prepared for the mess this episode is. SERIOUSLY CAN BUCKLEMMING JUST STOP KILLING BELOVED CHARACTERS AND JUST STOP WRITING FOR THIS SHOW ALTOGETHER? I really try to keep my blog wank free, but come on. Either Bob Singer has more power than we think to let his wife continue to write shitty episodes or there is something else going on. For all we know it is possible Eileen is still alive, but I think at least her letters were real, because the BMoL wouldn’t have wanted to risk to let the Winchesters know about their bug. The thing is Dabb is smarter than this. He is aware of the massive wank that followed Charlie’s death, so why would he allow something like this again? Killing the currently only disabled character the show has, and furthermore Sam’s love interest, his version of “something more with a hunter”. The episode even referenced Charlie’s death. Just like her Eileen provided the brothers with usefull information after her death. And of course Dean looking in the bathtub when they searched for Mary (though that could have been an actor’s choice and Jensen lampshading the whole Charlie-Eileen-paralell). The thing is killing Eileen is something Bucklemming would totally do, but I’m not sure about Dabb, so we might see her again. At the moment I think she is Schrödinger’s cat. (That doesn’t mean I forgive Bucklemming. THEY. ARE.THE. WORST.)

**The BMoL**

I think it is funny how Lady Toni kept calling Ketch a psychopath, as if she is above him, when it is clear that the BMoL are all psychopaths, the whole lot. Though the episode introduced two possible scenarios: they are demons (Sam said only demons can controll hellhounds) or more likely they are all brainwashed the way Mary is now. 

Speaking of Mary: taking away once’s will is of course a recurring theme on the show (just as making shady deals… I guess Mary is a full Winchester). And as seen in this episode it is a fate even worse than death. Because what is life if you no longer have a choice in it? Mary tries to kill herself and then begs Ketch to do it. This marks the third time we see her suicidal, though this one is the worst. The first time was in 12x06 where she briefly considered Billy’s offer to return to heaven. Second was in 12x09 where she was ready to sacrfice herself for her boys. I wonder if this is foretelling that she will kill herself in the finale (maybe as part of another sacrfice) or the opposite, that she will live on. I would love if the show doesn’t get rid of her after one season (leaving her sons heartbroken) but instead finds a way to keep her, to show her struggle and her will to survive. If anything it would be in the spirit of AKF and YANA. And the nephilim who refused to let his mother die in 12x19 might be a foretelling for this? Sam and Dean saving her mother? I hope so.

Toni also tells Mary that they want to reset her to Mary Campell, natural born killer. Meaning she would be no longer a Winchester and no longer a mother. Not only do they want to take away her agency but her identitity as well. As Ketch said, she won’t even remember loving her children. Toni of course already tried to destroy her current identity with bursting her bubble abut her husband, revealing the truth about who John really was. As much as I wanted her to find out, I wanted Sam and Dean to tell her. And it’s not the only ugly truth Toni reveals; she also tells Sam and Dean about Ketch and Mary. And of course it is Dean who reacts way more intense than Sam ([Lizzy and I talked a while ago about Dean’s inability to see his parents as sexual beings](https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/159769991998/so-dean-wants-to-have-sex-with-mary-so-is-dean)). Anyway, Toni knows about Azazel and tells Mary she has sources, which considering Toni’s murder board in 11x23 and the amount of misinformation the BMoL had this season, made me laugh a bit. 

Mary losing her free will of course parallels her once again with Cas.

I also wonder if Ketch does have some feelings for Mary after all. He refused to kill her or watch her killing herself. Of course they still need her for their plan, but still. Then again Dr. Hess reminded us that Ketch has no problem torturing the woman he slept with (Mary) or killing them (Toni).

Also also Crowley working together with the BMoL was the least surprising thing ever. I wondered if he would help Sam and Dean, but now I’m sure he will because he needs their help in return. Speaking off.

**Crowley**

So of course he isn’t dead. I’m not a huge fan of his storyline in the recent seasons but even I think he deserves a better death scene (and so did Eileen, just saying). What I’m saying is that the mouse (or hamster?) wasn’t in the frame by accident or followed Crowley’s body just like that. Crowley is still kicking; his legs only got smaller. I also though for a moment it was Olivette.  

Crowley’s downfall of course was his hubris. He believed to be smarter than Lucifer, hell that he could even raise his son and use his powers, which given his record with Amara, not a good idea. And this I think might foretell the downfall of the BMoL; they as well believe in their masterplan (and the episode linked them together). 

And so the episodes ends with the bunker becoming a tomb and their mother becoming a mindless killer, corrupting both the ideas of home and family. What a fun episode.

See you next week.


	28. Thoughts about Spn 12x22 & 12x23

**Thoughts about Spn 12x22 & 12x23**

**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**

I admit after I watched the finale I was too upset to write anything. I needed to talk to some folks (thank you [@k-vichan](https://tmblr.co/m4FImMInGlX_QoCekzgv66w) and [@rosie-berber](https://tmblr.co/mib0uqGvIHzwCZmbsNTYKbA) for comforting me) and let everything I saw sink in. But here it is: my two final reviews for season 12 (buckle up, this is going to be long)

 

**12x22: Who We Are**

Overall I liked this episode better than 12x23. Berens managed to finish a lot of this season’s story arcs, mainly the BMoL-arc and Mary and the relationship to her sons. It had a round and surprisingly happy ending, so of course 12x23 was full of tragedy to compensate this. But while 12x22 felt like finishing a story, 12x23 felt like the start of a new story (season 13). I think Berens is one of the few writers who can handle both motw-episodes and mytharc-episodes. These days he is one of the senior writers so he writes more mytharc-episodes. I’m still not a huge fan of 12x07, but with this episode he once proved again that he usually writes better. Just like in 11x06 he had to cram a lot of plot in one episode. The escape from the bunker, saving Mary and fighting the BMoL was enough plot to fill at least 2-3 episodes with it. But unlike other writers *cough*Bucklemming*cough* he managed it rather well.

Let’s start with the escape from the bunker. I still think they kind of wrote Ketch much more stupid than he was. If he wanted Sam, Dean and Toni to die why not kill them right away, but instead he seals them in the bunker? Was it to show how much of a psychopath he is? Kill them slowly instead of doing it quick? He didn’t hesitate killing Mick after all. And then we learned he was smart enough to prevent them from using magic to escape. It doesn’t make sense.

Meanwhile the boys have some time to reflect on the past year. Dean says that with both Cas and their mom back it was almost too good to be true. Seeing how they are reunited with their mother in the end it feels like Berens wanted to warn us the peace won’t last. Sam on the other hand admits that following the BMoL and their promise of a better world was easier than being a leader himself. This of course was a set up not only for later when he leads the American hunters to fight the BMoL but maybe also for him becoming a permanent leader of the new American MoL, or any other kind of organisation that brings hunters together to do something good. We’ve been speculating since season 8 and the introduction of the MoL about Sam becoming one, but now it seems more likely than ever (though I think a name change would do them good).

The grenade launcher saves the day, Garth is still around and Jody is too badass to be killed. Yeah. And once again, after 12x06, Jody has been portrayed as a mother substitute to Sam and Dean (but mostly Dean), behaving in a way they hope Mary would do, but didn’t. I actually never saw the relationship between Jody and the brothers as that of a mother and her children, not before this season anyway, and I think it only was there to contrast how different Mary behaved (the same way Tasha in 12x20 served as the opposite to Mary). Mary meanwhile became a horrible mix between soulless!Sam and demon!Dean: the worst version of herself (like Dean) but without a moral compass (like Sam).

Sam then gives a rousing speech in front of some hunters, including Walt and Roy, making it the most awkward reunion ever. Like we are at the point where Sam and Dean greeted them like “sure you wanted to kill us, but don’t sweat it”. I guess coming from a family where everyone tried to kill the others at some point changes your perspective on a few things. Sam’s speech contained pretty much everything all the meta writers wrote this season: how the end doesn’t justify the means, that the BMoL was all about control etc. Like I’m pretty sure Bobo owns a tumblr (say hi if you read this).

Dean stays behind to save his mother. Most of the mother-son-conflict this season was between them, so it makes sense for him to try to reach her. And I’m not sure Sam could have reached her like that; the relationship between them is mostly a blank space. Mary is hiding at a place that I imagine looks like her heaven did, and which also looks like Dean’s heaven in 5x16. Back at a time where her life was normal and her family was safe. But unlike in heaven she knows the truth now; she knows what happened after her death, about the kind of man her husband became (who is absent from this memory) and the life her children had. Dean in a way represents this truth that she knows is there but that she tries to ignore. But the only way to heal is by confronting the past. So Mary has to listen. And Dean has to speak. And oh my god, all the acting awards to Jensen Ackles. Seriously. His speech was so overdue and he delivered it so damn well. Just like Sam’s speech to the hunters put down in words what meta writers were writing about all season, Dean’s speech did the same, except that he finally voiced what we are telling for years. That he had to become a parent to Sam. That it wasn’t fair. That it was too much too young. The only way for Dean to heal, to become his true self, is by acknowledging these truths. In all fairness I think John is more to blame than Mary, but still. It feels like both of them had been dancing around this confrontation; Mary became distant because she was too ashamed of what she had done and Dean didn’t want to confront her about it.

I think what me personally touched the most about this scene was the portrayal of grief. Because it is not just about despair and pain. It is also about anger. And I think that Dean’s anger wasn’t so much about the deal Mary made – he admits that he of all people gets why she did it – it was about her leaving them. Of breaking her promise to keep them safe. And logically he knows he can’t blame her for this. By the time Mary made the deal in 4x03 she didn’t know about Azazel’s plan or that she would have two children ten years later. And I think that Michael erased her memory of that deal in 5x13 or otherwise Mary, raised as a hunter, would have put up a damn devil’s trap in her home. After 12x21 there was some talk about how Mary in a way never had true free will, even before she was brainwashed. Cupids made her fell in love, her whole life was orchestrated that it would lead to the events we saw in 1x01. Simply blaming her for everything that happened after her death is too easy. And yet Dean is justified in his anger and we understand why Mary feels responsible for it. But Dean forgives her; he gives her absolution. He acknowledges that it should have never been his job to raise Sam, that it wasn’t fair what happened to him, but he also takes the blames from Mary. He forgives her because he knows that is the only way she can try to start to forgive herself. It is perhaps the biggest step in his character development we have ever seen. And I’m very proud of it.

Let’s talk about Toni for a bit. I’m kinda sad they killed her to be honest. She was an interesting character. Or maybe it was the manner in which she died: handcuffed so she couldn’t defend herself, killed by an ex lover she described as a psychopath. (I wonder why Ketch didn’t kill Dean while he was unconscious? Again, they made him much dumber than he was in order to make this story work) Toni mentions that after her own people left her to die she is now on nobody’s side but her own. But seriously though, what did she expect? She attended a school were the students had to kill each other. She also mentioned her son again and I still wonder about the narrative purpose of this: Was it to make her more sympathetic? So Dean would have a reason to let her go? In the end we have yet another dead mother; maybe Sam and Dean will take care of her son in some way (sending him to Jody?) knowing how hard it is to lose the own mother. Either way seeing Mary killing Ketch was as satisfying as seeing Jody killing Dr. Hess.

And so we end the episode with a group hug and the promise of second chances. Knowing this show we should have known better than to fall for this.

Some other things:

\- We still don’t know who the Old man of the BMoL is. Will he appear in season 13?

\- Dr. Hess confused Sam with Dean… I’m gonna say this was a weird Gilmore Girls reference and nobody can convince me otherwise.

**12x23: All Along The Watchtower**

I. Was. Not. Prepared. And to get this out right away: Yes, I believe Cas will come back. I will explain the why and how later. After the rather peaceful season 11 finale and after 12x22 ended with some sort of happy end 12x23 reminded us why we love to hate this show. Everyone who joked before that everyone will die was kinda right. I don’t believe that all of these deaths will stay permanent. Otherwise it is back to the Sam-and-Dean-show and this concept doesn’t work anymore (see season 7).

We start the episode with Kelly and I just need to say this: I think she was incredible brave. Did her child manipulate her? Probably. Did she ever had a realistic chance of not giving birth? Probably not. But however Jack controlled his mother I believe her love for him was genuine. Her grief of never getting the chance to get to know him was real (and I wonder if he will ever see the video of her talking to him and if it might bring the good out of him). And no matter how much I love Dad-stiel and his thoughtfully preparation (diapers, online doula-classes) I’m glad Mary was there for Kelly as well, a mother who could understand what she was going through and who once gave her life for her children as well.

Overall dead moms where kind of a theme. First Toni in 12x22 and now we had Rowena, Kelly and Mary who died (though I refuse to believe that Mary is actually dead). Both Kelly and Mary sacrificed themselves for their children. And Mary sealing herself with Lucifer in the bizarro world reminded me a bit of Sam sealing himself in the cage with Lucifer in 5x22. Even though her sons forgave her Mary still wanted to redeem herself and the only way possible in Supernatural to do this is to sacrifice yourself. But I believe Mary will return, even if it takes some time. And because they need the Nephilim to open the rift again they can’t simply kill him, so.

I’m glad Kelly’s death wasn’t bloody and seemed rather peaceful; she deserved that much. And I’m still not sure if Rowena is really dead. First of all she deserves more than on off-screen-death and second she faked her death before. Also the Winchesters need some kind of ally after all.

Because the one death I’m sure about? Crowley. (And yeah, I don’t believe he wasn’t affected by his mother’s death) Why? Because it makes sense, narrative like. And yes, I’ve been telling for years I want to see Crowley dead (because since season 10 his storyline became incredibly boring) but when it actually happened I was rather sad. As I said the only way to fully redeem yourself on this show is to sacrifice yourself. Ironically Crowley’s death reminded me of Meg’s death in 8x17. But after we learned his origin of becoming the king of hell in 12x12, a job he never wanted and learned to hate over the years, this feels like full circle. His story is told. And his death scene was touching and moving and everything he deserved. (Also I wonder now that he brought up closing the gates of hell if this will become important again?)

Cas for the most part still seemed like his old self in this episode. Whatever kind of control the Nephilim had over him I think it was only to make sure he was born (and to protect his mother until then). Cas’s speech about the future he saw, a world without pain, a paradise, reminded me of both 4x22 and 5x22.

**12x23:**

> _**Cas:** I saw a world **without pain** or hunger or want. I saw the world that this child, your child, will create. And it is a world **without fear and without suffering and without hate. I saw paradise**._

**4x22:**

> _**Dean:** […] You know what’s real? People, families – that’s real. And you’re gonna watch them all burn?_
> 
> _**Cas:** What is so worth saving? I see **nothing but pain** here. I see inside you. **I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You’ll be at peace.** Even with Sam._
> 
> _**Dean:** You can take your peace… and shove it up your lily-white ass. ’ **Cause I’ll take the pain and the guilt.** I’ll even take Sam as is. It’s a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it._

**5x22:**

> _**Cas:** You got what you asked for, Dean. **No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same.** I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? **Peace or freedom?**_

Paradise and peace are the opposite of free will. The moment God gave humanity free will he gave them suffering and pain as well. The freedom of choice always comes with a prize. So having Cas, the poster boy of free will, saying he believes in a world without pain, should ring every alarm bell. And that is maybe what we will see in season 13. A world at peace. But also a world without free will.

So let’s talk about bizarro world for a bit. I speculated before that what we will see might be an alternative reality and hey, I was right *givesherselfacookie*. After we had Dean telling Mary about all the consequences of the deal she made in 12x22 we now see a world where she never made that deal, John died and Sam and Dean were never born (and wasn’t that an option in 5x13 to prevent the apocalypse?). In this world I assume two other poor souls became the vessels of Lucifer and Michael (meaning there are now two Lucifers in this world) and they weren’t as strong as Sam and Dean were. Because 12x22 ended with Dean telling his mother that everything they went through made them who they are: the men who saved the world. And as much as I love alternative realities and the chance this brings to bring back long dead characters, they will all be complete different, because none of them ever met Sam and Dean. (Also it seems like Azazel might still be alive in this world. Interesting.)

So let’s talk about the inevitable: Cas’s death. Like I said I don’t think he stays dead. Unlike Crowley his story isn’t over yet. In season 12 we have seen some huge character development from him as well, but he is still not at the end. I do believe Cas’s story will be over when he chooses to become human, chooses a life with the Winchesters, and especially Dean. Also the show has given us several ways how Cas could come back. First of all Lucifer mentioned Chuck, who is always an option to bring back Cas (but I don’t think this time). Second we might not get back our Cas but the one from bizarre world. But… that doesn’t make sense. Cas’s character is about how much he changed, how much Sam and Dean changed him (see 12x12). They might show us this other Cas to illustrate the difference but I don’t think bizarro!Cas will replace our Cas. Third option: Dean makes a deal to bring back Cas. Max bringing back Alicia in 12x20 could be foretelling this. Also 12x22 was all about Mary’s deal to bring back the man she loved, John, a decision Dean did understand. The most likely option for me though? Jack. Maybe there is still something from his grace in Cas (Dean’s wound glowed yellow when Cas healed him) which will be enough to bring him back. Maybe Jack brings him back himself because he thinks he owes it to Cas. Or because he chose him as a father figure. Maybe Cas will come back but will be controlled by Jack and leave with him, so Cas and Dean will be separated again. Whatever way, I’m sure he will be back.

And no matter how heartbreaking it was to watch Dean’s reaction to Cas’s death, as opposed to how Sam reacted, it was a further proof that Destiel is real and alive.

And so we end the season with Sam in a nursery, facing a yellow eyed thing. Coincidence? No such thing. 

[Originally posted by confessionsdunjeuneparisien](https://tmblr.co/ZBXQbq1ivFj2a)

Overall I liked this season a lot (minus Bucklemming nonsense). Especially the new writers did a good job, proving that they know the show and the characters. I loved all the references to past seasons, but how all the mirrors and parallels didn’t work out the way we expected them to be. I loved Mary. I mostly enjoyed the BMoL. Destiel was strong this season. Let’s see what season 13 will bring.

[Originally posted by simply-j0sh](https://tmblr.co/Zs0ZUw1S4f8SJ)


	29. Welcome to Earth 2 – Alternative realities in Supernatural and their narrative purpose

**Welcome to Earth 2 – Alternative realities in Supernatural and their narrative purpose**

(All screencaps by [screencaped.net](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fscreencapped.net%2Ftv%2Fsupernatural%2F&t=OTk2NzZjYWQ5NGExZjZkNjM0YzhlY2QxOTIxMDYwMjcyODY4OTc0NywxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1))

**CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 !!!**

First of all I love alternative realities. It’s a [trope](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FAlternateUniverse&t=Njc2OTkxMDQyYWU3MzdhMzIyMjU2ZjE3OWEwZmNiOGFiNDE2OTM0YywxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1) almost every genre show uses at least once; some for just one episode, while it becomes a main plot line in others. It usually plays out a “What if”-scenario, by creating a different reality in changing a major plot element from the past (for example: What would have happen if character x never died?). It discusses the question how much certain events have influenced the character’s lives, but also how much they remain the same. The reason I love this trope is that if you do it right those episodes serve as excellent character studies.

The reasons for alternative realities are very different. Sometimes it is just a dream or a hallucination, especially if this trope is only used for one episode. Other times alternative realties can be created through [time travel](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMany-worlds_interpretation%23Time_travel&t=NTExZjg4N2M5YmMwMmNmMWRiMjJiMjQ0ZjA3ZDcyNWRlMjU1NTVlNywxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1); by changing the past you can create a new timeline, different from the timeline you are coming from (a concept that has been used on [The Flash](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FThe_Flash_%282014_TV_series%29&t=MGVlMTZlM2UzMjczNjY3NmNjMWI4Y2Q3NGIwZTI5NTUyZDNiYzQ5ZiwxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1)). And then of course there is the theory that [multiple universes](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMultiverse&t=OWY4YjIwYjJiZmIwOWY0ODhlNjMzMzk4NDk2NDhiZTc0NDE5ZjQ1OCwxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1) already exist; fiction then plays with the idea of creating portals to visit other universes (see [Fringe](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFringe_%28TV_series%29%23Parallel_universe&t=NTk3YTU3OTNjNzcyZmE5YjVmNWI1OWQ5MjlkNmU3ZmU2MDQ5ODU5NywxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1) or [DC’s multiverse](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMultiverse_%28DC_Comics%29&t=OWY4NTc5Y2FmY2RkYzBlMDdhZTI3Nzg3Y2FkZGRmMWMxYWI3YmEwOCwxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1)).

While we have seen several alternative realties over the years on Supernatural, I would argue that none of those realties were real, but rather specifically created for the Winchesters. It wasn’t until 12x23 that it was confirmed that there are in fact parallel universes, something that I hope we will see more in season 13. Until then though let’s have a look back at the alternative realities we have seen so far.

**2x20 What Is and What Should Never Be**

> _You think these suckers can really grant wishes?_

One of my all time favourite episodes of this show. A study in Dean. And of course super painful (what else did we expect?). A djinn attacks Dean and transports him into a reality where his greatest wish comes true: that his mother never died. What is interesting to me is that we don’t see the actual reality of what would have happened if Mary never died but instead what Dean thinks would have happened. Not even a djinn would have had the power to know how this reality would have actually looked like. By letting Dean create this reality though the djinn improves the chances of Dean staying in there. Because of course Dean would create a reality he thinks is realistic. Instead of waking up in a perfect world though we see a reality full with little flaws, that tell us a lot about Dean.

In a world where Mary never died Sam and Dean grew up normal; they never became hunters. Sam went to Stanford and proposed to Jess (just like the real Sam had intended to do), Dean became a mechanic the way his dad used to be and had a beautiful girlfriend with a respectable job (Carmen was a nurse). But his dad is still dead (even though he died less painful) and as it turns out he and Sam don’t get along. In fact Dean was kind of a jerk. People constantly ask him if he had been drinking again, implying that he has an alcohol problem in this world. Sam doesn’t even seem to be surprised when he thinks Dean is stealing from their mother. There is an [excellent meta](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/161403934692/ameliacareful-ragingcanadian-i-am-working) about how all of Dean’s failures (his drinking, stealing etc) are results of his hunting life, but the fact that he still has these flaws in this supposedly perfect universe tells us that he thinks this is who he is, not what his life as a hunter made him into. The more you look at this episode the more depressing it gets.

In hindsight to season 12 it is also interesting to take a closer look at Dean’s parents and the hunting life. Even though his mother never died in this reality John remains dead. Though there is no date on his gravestone we can assume he died around the same time as the real John did. The absence of John in Dean’s perfect world could be interpreted in several ways. It is possible that Dean wasn’t ready yet to face his father; unlike his mother’s death the loss of his father was still new. We could also argue that a perfect world for Dean is indeed a world without his father. Despite the fact that Dean loved his father he also acknowledged that his father wasn’t perfect. The show pretty much confirmed the child neglect, and there is enough subtext to at least discuss the possibility of child abuse. We also know that Dean knows that the marriage of his parents wasn’t perfect (see 5x16), so it’s possible he didn’t wanted to see them fighting.

The resurrection of Mary in season 12 is the biggest confirmation that the djinn-reality was in fact created by Dean, because his version of his mother has almost nothing in common with the real Mary we saw last season. Dean was only 4 years old when his mother died; he clung to the little memories he had of her and created a very idolized version of her in his mind (that the real Mary could never live up to). I think it was [@elizabethrobertajones](https://tmblr.co/mgG_5cqPDBqPGN1DslU_e6Q) who pointed out that the Mary we see here has little to [none personality](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/158085820187/theres-something-about-mary). She is reduced to be a perfect mother, nothing more (does she have a job? Friends? Any kind of life outside her family?). She is worried about her son and in true Winchester fashion she comforts him with food; she makes him a sandwich. And for all the pie meta out there we should write a bit about sandwiches as well. Because guess what, in both 5x16 and 12x22 (where we encounter memories of Dean and Mary) Mary makes Dean a sandwich. Pie isn’t even mentioned in 2x20. (In all fairness though I think pie didn’t became a theme before 2x21).

The other aspect of 2x20 is the hunting life, or rather it’s absence. I have written plenty about [Dean vs the apple pie life](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/133299926162/you-dont-ever-want-something-more-dean). Season 12 picked up this theme again, with Dean telling Mary in 12x01 that he made his peace with their lives as hunters and later we see Mary’s wish for her sons to have a normal life as the reason why she choose to work with the BMoL. In 2x20 Mary never died but monsters are still real. And in the end this is the reason Dean returns to his reality; he can’t live in a world he never saved. Even though the event that caused him to become a hunter was prevented Dean still remains a hunter. All of his flaws, caused by his life as a hunter, remain in this new reality. Opposed to this, the only good thing about his life as a hunter, his close bond with his brother, doesn’t exist anymore. None of this is enough though to make him return to the real world; Dean can live in a world where he sees himself as a failure (he still does in the real world), where he is no longer close to Sam, as long as his family is happy. What he can’t live with are the lives he never saved in this world.

This episode tells us a lot about Dean, how little he thinks of himself, how he cares more about the happiness of his family than himself. How he is willing to give up his perfect world for the life of strangers. How in the end he proves to be what he would never think of himself: a hero.

**3x11 Mystery Spot**

> _Okay, look. Yesterday was Tuesday, right? But today is Tuesday too._

It’s funny until… it isn’t anymore. This time an archangel fabricates an alternative reality in order to teach Sam a lesson. He lets Dean die over and over again, making Sam reliving the same day again and again, without giving Sam the chance to prevent Dean from dying. It is almost like an earlier version of 5x04, with both Lucifer and Gabriel trying to teach the same lesson: no matter how you change events the result will always be the same. You can’t outrun your destiny. Destiny vs free will becomes one of the major themes in season 4 and 5, but this episode serves almost like a foretelling of it. Even more so when Sam finally reveals Gabriel and he in turn lets Dean die again, but this time without resetting the day. Sam all of sudden his to live with his brother’s death and turns to the dark side. It’s a prediction of what we will see in season 4, though it leaves out Ruby of the equation.

The alternative realities (each Tuesday is a different reality) are created through time travel, something we see again in 6x17. Though I would argue that Gabriel didn’t create a parallel universe every time he travelled back in time (even archangels don’t seem to have this power), but just changed the present every time. Gabriel tries to teach Sam that he can’t prevent his brother’s death and that he has to learn to let go. Given Sam’s revenge quest I don’t think he learned his lesson. Gabriel still sends him back in time, with Dean alive, which was maybe something he had plan to do all along, because it wasn’t Dean’s time to die yet. We don’t even know if any of it was real or if all of it just happened in Sam’s head. And while Sam arguably didn’t learn his lesson Gabriel did; he knows now what the death of his brother will do with Sam. It is possible Gabriel knew about heaven’s plan for Sam (saying yes to Lucifer) and this was his way to find out how likely it would be that Sam would indeed say “yes”.

In the end it is not clear if Sam only remembers all of the Tuesdays but also the six months after Dean’s death in the alternative reality. Either way when Dean dies his reaction to it is very similar to what we see here.

**4x17 It’s a Terrible Life**

> _You don’t wanna go fighting ghosts without any health insurance._

Or another time an angel creates a new reality. This time though it’s Zachariah (he does the same thing in 5x04). Again we see the Winchesters living a pretty normal life, though the lesson that Zachariah tries to teach is the exact opposite: that Sam & Dean are meant to be hunters and that any other life wouldn’t make them happy. Instead of giving them a life similar to what we saw in 2x20, which is probably still the closet to what a normal life would have looked like for Sam & Dean, Zachariah twists established facts. Dean becomes the opposite of who he is: instead of blue collar working guy he is the director of Sales & Marketing, he drives a Prius instead of the Impala, listens to NPR instead of classic rock, eats salad instead of burgers and is seemingly interested in feminine things just as watching project runaway or doing the master cleanse. He went to Stanford and his parents are Bobby and Ellen and his sister is Jo. Funnily enough a lot of those things are facts we associate with Sam. It is Sam who went to Stanford, who prefers salad over burgers and tries to live a healthy life. Sam on the other hand is “just” an IT-guy and the only other thing we learn about him is that he had a financee named Madison. Furthermore in this reality it is Sam who wants to leave his normal life behind, who feels like he doesn’t fit in, whereas Dean is the one who is reluctant about leaving his old life behind. And in the end it all comes down to Dean, because he is the one Zachariah talks to.

At this point of his life Dean struggles with being a hunter and with the task he has been given (to stop the apocalypse). Zachariah creates a reality/identity that is the exact opposite of what Dean is/what he has. And he does so to show him that the life Dean has, that as a hunter, is what he really wants and who he is destined to be. I think Zachariah gave Dean several of Sam’s characteristics because for once the show has always portrayed Sam and Dean as opposites (though the reality of course is a bit more complex than this). The other thing is that Dean perhaps is a bit jealous of Sam. Sam had a way out, had a normal life, even if it was only for a short time. So Dean, who see himself as a grunt, gets the higher education here, the better job, his adopted family becomes his real family (and his actual brother a stranger) and he is allowed to admit to like things our Dean would never (performing Dean anyone?). But it takes nothing more than a simply ghost hunt for the facade to break. Sam might be the first to suggest to leave their lives behind but in the end Dean comes along as well: he realizes that his current life doesn’t make him happy, that there are more important things to do. It is the lesson that Zachariah had tried to teach him all along: that he was born to be a hunter, no matter what. Even in a reality where he grew up normal, where he had access to education, had a great job and felt no longer the need to pretend to be anyone else he still ended up hunting. Zachariah tries to tell Dean that not the circumstances of his life made him a hunter but that it is in his blood. It is something we saw in 2x20 as well: no matter the circumstances Dean remained a hunter. But in 2x20 Dean’s memories of a life as hunter were still intact. And even though Zachariah tells Dean that he altered his memories (so technically this isn’t an alternative reality, but an alternative Sam & Dean) I think Dean still subconscious remembered his old life. Because he needed to in order to learn his lesson.

Zachariah’s lesson is that Dean needs to accept his destiny and that his destiny is to be a hunter, no matter the circumstances. It is the opposite of free will. Sam and Dean still had their old memories (Sam’s visions) and Zachariah carefully manipulated them in a way that they would get to the same conclusion as he did: that they are meant to be hunters. Ironically it is a lesson Dean has already learned: in 2x20 he remained a hunter even in his perfect life, and later in season 6 while he gets the apple pie life he can’t stop being a hunter and ends up back on the road. It is something Dean already believes about himself: that the only thing he will ever be good at is hunting and that he has no chance to live a normal life. By season 12 though he has accepted his life as a hunter, he values it and furthermore since 12x22 we know that Dean acknowledges that what happened to him wasn’t fair, that he never really had a choice, and that the circumstances made him who he is and no destiny.

**5x04 The End**

> _Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here. I win. So, I win._

I always feel like this episode deserves a special place because it is the one alternative reality that inspired the most meta, fan art and fan fiction. My personal relationship with this episode is kinda complicated. From an objective point of view I appreciate that it is clearly one of the best episodes of the whole show, beginning with Ben Edlund’s writing and ending with the terrific acting from everyone involved. Personally though I hate to see these dark fucked up versions of the characters; it breaks my heart every single time to see them like that. But then again that was the point. And seeing how it is again Zachariah who was responsible for this, this is the reason why he is one of my favourite villains of the show.

The interesting thing about this episode is that when it aired nobody could tell if what we saw was time travel or an alternative reality. By the time the episode was written nobody could know the show would air long enough that we would actually get to see 2014. And up until then there was still some discussion if this reality might still come true. Even now there are some people who argue that Zachariah did indeed show Dean the future – one of many possible futures (the one where Sam said yes to Lucifer).

I personally always saw this episode as an alternative reality Zachariah created to get Dean to say “yes” to Michael. While angels have the power to travel back in time I don’t think they can travel in the future as well. The future is too fluid and could change every minute (and therefore Jack showing Cas the future in 12x19 should be another indicator for not trusting him). And in fiction showing someone their future never ends well ([#self-fulfilling prophecy](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FSelf-fulfilling_prophecy&t=MDBhZWEwMGZiZDNiZTRkZWQ3ODZkNDBiN2IyZGY0ZjYyMmRmNmU1NSwxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1)).

So let’s take a look at this episode as an alternative reality created by Zachariah for Dean. Zachariah wants to show Dean what happens when he doesn’t accept his destiny, doesn’t say “yes” to Michael, and Sam on the opposite does. Interesting enough it doesn’t end up with “all your friends are dead”-scenario. The only character that dies is Bobby (though I think he also represents hunters in general, because none of those we know seem to be alive anymore). No, Zachariah shows Dean that there are fates much worse than death. First of all the world as we know doesn’t exist anymore. The croatoan virus has killed many people and the few left try to survive somehow, gathered together in small camps. Cas has fallen, becoming almost human, whereas the angels don’t care anymore. He tries to numb himself with drugs and sex. He is broken and though it isn’t explicated stated the subtext makes Dean responsible for Cas’s state. If Cas is broken though, then future!Dean is something even darker. He kills infected people without mercy and is willing to sacrifice his friends and people who look up to him to have a shot at killing Lucifer. And then there is Sam, who has long ago given up and said “yes” to Lucifer. Sam exist no more, just his body who is worn by the devil. It is the final piece that breaks our Dean from the present. In the end Dean learned his lesson, but not the one Zachariah tried to teach him. He doesn’t say “yes” to Michael, but instead realized that the only way to stop the apocalypse is in working together. He tells Cas to never change, appreciates him for who he is after he saw how broken future!Cas was. He turns to Sam, forgives him, in order to prevent his little brother to say “yes” to Lucifer.

The brilliance of this episode comes from its darkness. If 2x20 showed us a more or less perfect world, this is the opposite of it. This is the worst case scenario for Dean. A world he couldn’t save, where everyone he ever loved is either dead or just a broken shell of what they used to be. In hindsight it showed us the darkest versions of each character: three men who stopped caring about the world and themselves. Who are no longer willing to fight. Who gave up.

I bet Dean still has nightmare about this world.

**6x15 The French Mistake**

> _Don’t like this universe, Sammy. We need to get out of this universe._

Aka the most meta episode to ever meta. Seriously I don’t even know how casual fans watch this, because they miss out all the fun and references. I don’t think this episode had a big meaning for the overall narrative but was rather a gift for the fans, and the show making fun of themselves. Of course we can argue if the reality we see here is actual real, but then again I don’t think that an angel like Balthazar has the power to transport humans from one reality to another. I rather think that just like in 5x04 this reality was created, this time though not to teach the Winchesters a lesson but to hide them. It might be a stretch, but given that the Supernatural books exist in Sam and Dean’s universe it is possible Balthazar created an universe where those books were adapted and Sam and Dean are forced to act out their lives from their own reality. They still learn a lesson though: a) they are really bad at acting and b) they prefer their own lives, without money or fame, but where they get to be brothers and save lives.

**6x17 My Heart Will Go On**

> _You see, I save a boat, one thing leads to another, which leads to another thousand things, and yada, yada, yada._

Or an exercise in [alternative history](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAlternate_history&t=YWY4MTgzOTNlZjZlMzQ1MjQxMmI5NGM5OTQwZGViYTM4Nzk0YjdiMSwxOUFXbXhtZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161478853532%2Fwelcome-to-earth-2-alternative-realities-in&m=1). Balthazar travelled back in time, prevented the Titanic from sinking and thousands of people who should have died didn’t and therefore changed history in a massive way. These people and their descendants then would cause thousands more souls that Castiel needed in the  Civil War that happened in heaven in season 6. Unlike the other examples where angels or a djinn created an alternative reality this reality was real. By changing the past Balthazar changed the present. A lot of the old reality is still true: Sam & Dean are still hunters and they still prevented the apocalypse. Some of the details of their new reality change though: they drive a Mustang instead of an Impala and Cuba is a popular holiday destination. The biggest difference though is that Ellen and Jo are still alive and Ellen is married to Bobby. Fate now tries to fix this mess: she kills the descendants of the people who should have died on the Titanic, as none of those people should exist in the first place.

This episode again focus on the theme destiny vs free will. Atropos, one of the three fates, followed the script until Sam and Dean and Cas no longer followed their destiny but wrote their own ending. Her job became obsolete. And it is because Sam & Dean & Cas threw out the script that Balthazar followed no longer the rules of not changing the past. While we had time travel episodes before (4x03 and 5x13) Sam and Dean never changed the past – they were also meant to go back in time, still following the script. And while it is possible to still change your destined future changing the past will have massive consequences.

The moral dilemma for Sam and Dean is that while they know what Balthazar did was wrong they also know that going back in time and let the Titanic sink once again will cause not only the death of the people on the ship but also Ellen and Jo’s death. In the end neither Sam or Dean have to make this choice (though they decided to kill Atropos) but it is Castiel who learns that even though destiny no longer exists you can’t change the past like this. Otherwise he could have prevented the apocalypse by simply going back in time.

Cas says you don’t need to be ruled by fate. You don’t have to follow the path that is destined for you. But in order to change your future, to become a master of your own fate, you need to let go the past.

**12x23 All Along the Watchtower**

> _This is a world where you were never born. It’s a world you never saved._

For all my talking about alternative realities this is the first time I would argue that we see an actual parallel universe. All the other alternative realities were specifically created for the Winchesters, or in the case of 6x17 our reality was changed through changing the past. The world we see in 12x23 though is a world that exists parallel to the universe Sam and Dean live in. And it took the birth of a Nephilim (and not just any, that of an archangel) to open a portal to that world. So while I think angels have the ability to alter the reality in some ways (through time travel or for a limited time) they don’t have the power to travel to parallel universes. And there is a reason for it. Because if anything season 12 was about cosmic consequences (tagging [@mittensmorgul](https://tmblr.co/mH08bFF21ewTCayiwIXZEOg) because I know she wrote a lot about this).  In 12x09 Billie tells the Winchesters that breaking their deal (the life of a Winchesters for getting them out of prison) would cause cosmic consequences. Cas is the one who breaks the deal and seeing how he ended up dead in the end we can argue that these are the consequences. Billie’s deal though wasn’t about Cas originally but about the Winchesters. Technically both of them should be dead by now. They both died, multiple times, but were brought back again and again. They disrupted the cosmic order and cosmic balance. Bringing back Mary, who of course is supposed to be dead as well, is the cherry on the cake. If unsinking the Titanic caused a ripple effect than so does resurrecting Mary, even though the past stayed the same. [We can argue](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/160712592147/yeah-ive-been-thinking-that-arguably-eileens) how many of the things that happened in season 12 wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for her. By the end of 12x23 the universe in a way fixed that cosmic unbalance by taking Mary out of the equation again, though of course by now the damage is already done (the birth of Jack which causes another power unbalance). And while I personally loved that they brought back Mary and what they did with her character the show followed through with the thought that her resurrection would have consequences on a cosmic scale. And while I hope that they bring Cas back in season 13 I also hope they show that his resurrection will have consequences as well.

So what does this got to do with parallel universes? Now that we know they exist imagine they were ways to easily travel to them. Many people already speculated about the possibilities of seeing alternative versions of our characters (such as alternative Bobby). But what if they cross universe? Just like Mary they would be at a place where they are not supposed to be. Even the fact that Lucifer and Mary from our world ended up in another universe will have consequences. Because in that universe Mary is again supposed to be dead and there is a chance that this universe has now two Lucifers. Which is the reason I think we will see this universe again and fix some of the mess (though I hope they finally kill Lucifer in the process).

On a meta level this episode works back to back with 12x22. In 12x22 Dean confronts his mother about the deal she made – the deal that would bring back John, therefore cause the birth of her sons, marking them as vessel and would result in her own death. Dean lists all the consequences of that deal – how he had to grow up without a mother, what it did to his father, what it forced him to become (a parent), the horrible things Sam had to live through (losing Jess, going to hell etc). 12x23 now shows us a universe where Mary never made that deal. John died and Sam and Dean were never born. We can only assume some other poor souls became the vessels for Michael & Lucifer and the apocalypse that Sam and Dean prevented actually happened. It shows us that for all the horrible things that happened after Mary’s deal that in the long run it saved the world. In 12x22 her sons forgave Mary for the choice she made. 12x23 showed us the cosmic consequences of said deal.

No matter if the alternative realities we saw on Supernatural were specifically created or showed us in the case of 12x23 an actual parallel universe the narrative purpose is the same. Faced with different realties our characters are meant to learn something about themselves, about who they are but also how the choices they and others made influenced them. Some showed us their darkest versions (3x11 & 5x04) and in some ways served as foretelling. Some question if they are meant to always be hunters (2x20 & 4x17). In the end it is both the circumstances and our choices who made us who we are. We can’t outrun our past and the influence it has on us. But we don’t need to be ruled by our past as well: we can learn from our mistakes and find a better way. And if anything I think this was the biggest message from season 12.


	30. Death is not the end

**Death is not the end**

At least not in Supernatural, and especially not if you are a Winchester.

([x](http://canonspngifs.tumblr.com/post/158922966847/frozen-delight-4x15-death-takes-a-holiday))

They keep dying and they keep coming back, because in TV land [you don’t kill off your main characters](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FPlotArmor&t=MzhmYmM4MjU3NmQ1MDlhZWRjNmEyZTU2ZDBmNWE4NWNjNmYxOGFiOCw2NTNiakRYUA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165948241437%2Fdeath-is-not-the-end&m=1) (at least permanantly). Unless you’re “Game of Thrones”. And given your show is even titled “Supernatural” it allows you to explore the themes of death, loss, grief and the afterlife without sacrificing your main characters. Death has become a recurring theme of the show, whether you like it or not. And it has become a recurring theme considering the inevitable end of the show. Both the actors and fans have been speculating about whether the show will end with the main chatacter’s death. I personally haven’t seen this end for a while now, and if anything the fate of both Cas and Mary in 12x23 confirm me in my speculation that death won’t play a part at the end of this show. And here is why.

**Been there, done that**

As mentioned above the Winchester do die a lot. I feel like their deaths still have an emotional weight - Dean’s death in 9x23 or Sam’s (apparent) death in 11x17 hit me hard. Still I had no doubt that they would come back. Of course letting them die at the series final would feel different because we would assume this time it is for real. And with the introduction of Billie we even were at a point were we assumed next time it is for real. But then they of course they killed Billie, and with no other reaper replacing her so far we are left in the unknown if her threat still holds. 

Either way, letting the brothers die in the series final wouldn’t feel final to me because we have seen them coming back so many times before. It all comes down whether or not you want to end “Supernatural” as a tragedy. I believe that Kripke’s original plan, if the show would have ended after season 5, would have been exactly this (a tragedy). Sam would have stayed in the cage, the ultimate sacrifice at the end of his redemption arc. Bobby and Cas would have stayed dead. Dean would have died with his brother or had to live for the rest of his life with the loss of Sam. This is of course only a speculation, but that is how I imagine the show would have ended back then. If anything though, I feel like both Jeremy Carver and now Andrew Dabb try to rewrite Kripke’s original vision. During season 12 we talked a lot about Dabb’s many parallels to earlier episodes/seasons, but they weren’t just parallels, they were meant to reverse the original story (season 1-5). Letting the show end the same way like Kripke had (probably) planed is opposed to everything we have seen Dabb doing so far. 

“Supernatural”, at least to me, is no longer tragedy. It is a show full of tragedy and dark moments and pain, sure. But structurally it is no longer a tragedy. The show is no longer about redemption, about sacrifing for your sins, but rather to learn to live with your darkness. The whole of season 11 was about balancing the light (God) and the darkness (Amara). All of the pain the brothers had to suffer through means nothing if the show still gives us a tragic end. 

There are shows like “Breaking bad” where the death of the main character makes sense; Walter White’s story has always been a tragedy. Sam and Dean’s story is different though: it starts in hell and it is about finding your way back to the living.

**Allow me to point out…**

The show, or rather the brothers, keep reminind us how they imagine their lifes will end.

[3x12](http://canonspngifs.tumblr.com/post/163078911817/stir-of-echoes-i-choose-to-go-down-swinging):

  


[8x14](http://canonspngifs.tumblr.com/post/150695903325/gisbourne-and-its-the-only-one-im-going-to):

  


[10x07](http://canonspngifs.tumblr.com/post/165940801697):

  


[11x11](http://68.media.tumblr.com/92475cac63e6c9571e00070be6f7aacf/tumblr_o1nzrzXluL1qlu8two2_500.gif):

[12x22](http://canonspngifs.tumblr.com/post/160893800342):

  
  


It is such a repeated theme that I like to believe that is exactly not how it is going to end. Living their lives as hunters Sam & Dean might have made their peace with it, but from a storytelling point it would feel boring if this the ending we get. We know that they don’t want to die, that they secretly hope to get more from life (10x16, 11x04), but at the same time don’t allow themselves to think too much about it, out of fear of never getting there. And that is why a happier ending, the one where they get what they want (a family, a home, friends etc) to me makes much more sense.

**The fate of Cas & Mary**

As I mentioned in the beginning the fate of these two characters in 12x23 is what actually confirmed my speculation that we are going to get a happy end (well as happy as it could be on this show). Or rather the fact that we know that both characters will come back in season 13. 

I admit that the moment they brought Mary back I was afraid they would kill her again. We had a lot of characters in the past that only stayed for one season. The prospect of the brothers losing their mother again was awfull and I sincerly hoped they wouldn’t go there. And they won’t. Mary might seem lost at the moment but we know she is very much alive in the AU world. The thing is, if they wanted to kill her, 12x23 would have given them the perfect opportunity. Letting her live only makes sense if the show intends to reunite her with her sons. Which in prospect only makes sense if they intend to give the brothers a happy ending.

The same goes for Cas. If they actually wanted to kill off his character they could have done so. We know though that he will come back, they he will be reunited with Sam and Dean, that by now the [plot amour](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FPlotArmor&t=MzhmYmM4MjU3NmQ1MDlhZWRjNmEyZTU2ZDBmNWE4NWNjNmYxOGFiOCw2NTNiakRYUA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165948241437%2Fdeath-is-not-the-end&m=1) protects him as well, because he is a necessary part of their happy ending. [@elizabethrobertajones](https://tmblr.co/mgG_5cqPDBqPGN1DslU_e6Q) wrote about how Cas’s death even would have given them a perfect opportunity to make Destiel canon without actually going there (love declaration to Cas’s body). 

It doesn’t make sense to kill these characters and bring them back only to… kill them again? Or leaving them without the characters they relate to the most? Both Cas and Mary are part of the extended Winchester family. They belong to Sam and Dean’s idea of a happy ending. Bringing them back then only makes sense if we actually go there.

I dunno about you guys, but I am fairly optimistic about the show’s (happy) end.


End file.
